11 days ago my wife of 3 years and mate for 6 told me she was leaving. She said she still loves me, but can't take the lonliness anymore. I am gone alot at work and I know I don't do my fair share around the house. We wen't to a counselor but he said if both people don't want to work on saving the relationship it will just be a waste of money. I still love her more than anything in the world. I am willing to do anything to save the relationship. I am in so much pain right now. She says there is no hope of going back, but I don't feel I can just give up. Does anybody have any ideas or similar experiences that ended up good? Please don't post your negative experiences to me, I'm already too disheartened. Thanks.

Dawson,<P>Welcome to the MB forums. One of our very dedicated veterans, NSR, has a General Welcome for new members. Look for it several posts below yours in Just Found Out. It contains links to the most important information on this site. NSR may also send you a welcome post.<P>Now about your situation. The "no going back" statement is a classic that most of us hear. And you are right not to give up. The counsellor may have said that it is a waste of money, and it might be, but what isn't a waste is coming here to learn about marriages, how to make them work, how to save them, etc. Going to counselling when one isn't interested may not be useful. But there is lots you can do. Check out that post from NSR and read about Plan A, ENs, LBs, etc.<P>In a nutshell, you need to do Plan A, which means looking at what needs of hers you might not be meeting, and then start trying to meet them. She may not let you meet all of them, but you do your best, just like the rest of us. Also no LBs, which means no love busters. You can read about that.<P>Even if she thinks she isn't interested in trying, seeing positive changes in you can make her eventually take notice. Plan A is about YOU and not her. It is about you making yourself better. We all have things we know we can do better.<P>You've come to the right place here. Many of us are going through very difficult times, and the support we get on here is simply amazing. You'll see that yourself.<P>Regarding similar experiences ending up good, you can read lots of success stories on here where people end up back together after being apart. So don't think just because she isn't wanting the marriage, that it is over. It isn't. But you have to work at showing her the new and permanently improved you. It doesn't work to just say "hey, I'm better now". It is your actions over time that will help.<P>Often when one person starts talking about the marriage being over, there is someone else. You haven't mentioned anything like that, but most of us here are suffering from our spouses having affairs. Do you know if your wife is or wants to be involved with someone else? When my wife told me in June that our marriage was over and she was not happy, I never in a million years thought she would have an affair. But I discovered later that is actually started in May as an emotional affair, then became physical. All I'm saying is to just be on your toes. Obviously I don't know your situation, but just want you to be aware.<P>Read as much as you can from this site. Posts, articles, etc. Also, as you'll read in the link I told you about (Welcome New ...), buy His Needs/Her Needs book from this site. Also, I recommend Light Her Fire, Divorce Busters, and Relationship Rescue.<P>Very rarely will anyone post negative thoughts to you on here. We are all here for similar reasons, and we help each other deal with these situations. So post as often as you want, and ask questions like the rest of us do.<P>Just another note....the General Questions II forum gets more traffic, so if you want more responses, you can post there.<P>Take care and let us know how it goes.

Welcome <B>Dawson</B>...<P>Rick is a quick learner...<BR>...and following in his footsteps will do you well!<P>As he mentioned...<BR>...what follows is the link to the "general welcome".<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>There is alot to learn...<BR>...it took me about 2 months to just understand the concepts...<BR>...but many months afterwards to really apply what I've learned!<P><B>You are not alone</B>...<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Dawson, Theres nothing wrong with loving her and needing her the way you do,I think you showing her your willingness to change will help. Sounds like your alot like me,not willing to give up. Then don't!, maybe this is what she needs to see, just how much you really do love her.Keep trying and keep your chin up.<BR>nighthawk...