I read the 4 part article on Surviving infedelity. I loved the areticle and it was very eye opening. I approached H on the phone today, and telling him I was sorry for what I had done and what I had negleted to do in our marriage. He told me it was to late. It isn't going to work.....This is so hard for me....I told him it wasn't it we can have a beatiful relationship from this. I told him that if this affair is what it took for me to wake up then I am glad it happened. If this is what it took for us to have a wondefully relationship than I am glad it happened. Agian it is to late-he says. He said it won't be the same, and I told him of course it won't but it can better, he said there was no more trust, I said of course, but it can be built back up. I know deep in my heart it isn't over, it my heart is breaking. I feel like I am being punished for him cheating, I know I did wrong, but why won't he work it out? What can I do, what should I do? I can't even get past this to make a plan up.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by my_little_dream:<BR><B>What can I do, what should I do? I can't even get past this to make a plan up.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi MLD,<P>Yes, it is one of the ironies of an affair that the immediate relationship cleanup work is usually left to the betrayed spouse, while the wayward spouse lolls around in a fog. Not fair, but there it is.<P>If you've begun reading here, I'm sure you are beginning to see the path. You need to get on Plan A, eliminate lovebusters, meet the emotional needs he will let you meet, and try to become an attractive choice for a mate for the rest of his life.<P>I would highly recommend talking to Steve Harley through the phone counseling here to get on the right track.<P>How long since D-day? Do you believe his affair is over?<P>Mike <BR>

If you've begun reading here, I'm sure you are beginning to see the path. You need to get on Plan A, eliminate lovebusters, meet the emotional needs he will let you meet, and try to become an attractive choice for a mate for the rest of his life.<P>There is a problem, how can I do this five state away? I am willing to go through anything to do what i need to do.<P>I would highly recommend talking to Steve Harley through the phone counseling here to get on the right track.<P>I would also LOVE this, however, I am not working, living at moms, have a 10 month old, 5 months pregnant, and NO money. But if I had the means I would take that opprutunity in a second.<P>How long since D-day? Do you believe his affair is over?<P>Well offically since Dec 24, but I had gut feelings since one weekend, either the begging of Dec or the end of Nov, which later was confirmed by OW that was the first time of sexual activity. As far as the affair still going on...I don't know, it is hard to tell from 5 state away, he says it never happend, she is saying that they are just friends now, and that he calls once in a blue moon when he needs to talk.<P>Mike [/B][/QUOTE]<P>[This message has been edited by my_little_dream (edited January 30, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by my_little_dream (edited January 30, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by my_little_dream:<BR><B>He told me it was to late. It isn't going to work.....This is so hard for me....I told him it wasn't it we can have a beatiful relationship from this.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm sorry, I guess I didn't catch the part about his geographical separation. What is up with that? He moved away? Or did you move home to be with your parents?<P>Is he supporting you and the kids financially?<P>Mike

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR><B> I'm sorry, I guess I didn't catch the part about his geographical separation. What is up with that? He moved away? Or did you move home to be with your parents?<P>Is he supporting you and the kids financially?<P>Mike</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I moved away, he is in the military. That is one thing that he really upset about becuase i packed up and just left before we could even talk. His commander gave him orders not to talk to me and if he did then he would be UCMJ and deranked. <P>He has helped a little (not much) with our daughter, he can't send me help for the unborchild until it is born. <P>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by my_little_dream:<BR><B> I moved away, he is in the military. That is one thing that he really upset about becuase i packed up and just left before we could even talk.</B><P>Has he asked you to move back?<P><B>His commander gave him orders not to talk to me and if he did then he would be UCMJ and deranked.</B><P>What is UCMJ?<P>How did the commander find out...from you?<P><B>He has helped a little (not much) with our daughter,</B> <P>Well, you need to figure something out there. If you are going to remain separted, he needs to contribute to your support and to the children's support.<P><BR>