Hello all-I've been posting on Emotional Needs and Divorce section and I just found the infidelity.. just what i need.<P>My H left me Nov 10th and never came back. we did not have much problems before. I noticed in October he was grumpy but he said it was because of work. 2 weeks after H left he was talking the big D. He moved in w/ his grandparents. I started on MB's the day after he left. Dec. 8th I called him because the pilot light was out on the furnace-his family said he never came home... I caught him at a "friends" house on her couch. Months later I know now that they were and still are having an affair. For how long I do not know -I suspect since November or October of 2000. H said when he moved out Nov 23rd that he would not be back and he has been true to his word. I have been seeing a counselor since Dec 8th. I was trying to implement Plan A even though H wasn't home. I would go see him, he would come over or we would meet at restaurants. The whole time he told me that it was over. I just kept trying to be pleasant and keep the door open. I am now on Plan B because he wants nothing to do with me. I know and have admitted to him back in December that I took him for granted and did not express my appreciation to him. Regardless he is still with OW. We are 29 with no kids and just bought a house in 1999 (part of the problem) OW is 35 w/ 3 kids and on her 2nd divorce living in her parents house while they are way. They work together and I know he spends much time w/ her. Before he moved out I asked if he would like to take up bowling-he said no-H took OW bowling a couple of weeks ago. He even spent Christmas w/ her. I cannot believe he is being so cruel. I have not whined and tried to keep from doing lovebusters. I still have hope that he will began to miss home but I just do not know. I feel like he is using me as a storage unit for all of his stuff. He has not started paperwork because he wants a dissolution and I will not agree to it, he says he would feel guilty if he had to sue me. All I have is prayer at this time and the wonderful support of his family and our friends (who he has alienated) Is there any hope?? I have been reading the book surviving an affair and have made tons of improvements in myself but for what?

Trs:<P>" I noticed in October he was grumpy but he said it was because of work. " <P>Emotionally involved with the OW at that time? My guess.<P><BR>"having an affair. For how long I do not know -I suspect since November or October of 2000."<P>You're probably right there. We don't have intuition for nothing.<BR>"I feel like he is using me as a storage unit for all of his stuff. "<P>Why doesn't he get his "stuff?" What do you think of sending him a letter, nicely asking him to set up a day and time to retrieve his things, and a deadline after which you will rent a storage locker for him (you can hire college students to do the moving for you.)<P>After all, he wants a divorce. And I don't see this as a LB; it's "giving him what he says he wants."<P>" He has not started paperwork because he wants a dissolution and I will not agree to it, he says he would feel guilty if he had to sue me. "<P>What? Is that the law in your state? If the guy really wants a divorce and doesn't need your cooperation, I don't get why he just doesn't do the paperwork? Or is it BS, where he doesn't have to do anything legal and formal with the OW. <P>Improvements on oneself are never for nothing. <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess