does anyone else feel like they just found out? even after being in recovery for 3 months i still get days where its emotionally draining and then i feel like im back at DDay..... is this normal . how do i resolve this in a positive way..... or use these days to my advantage?<BR>I try to do this alone cause i dont want to " dredge up the past" i don LB my butt off i just get depressed please help. i resorting to smoking pot to make me happy. and i feel rather pitiful<P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

OB, Yes, yes yes I feel the same way, in fact very often lately. I posted my sad story profile today in this forum because I feel ready to snap inside (and it has been <B>19 months</B> since D-day).<P>I don't really know if it's normal or healthy to still feel this way during recovery... <P>It kind of reminds me of 12-step programs that recommend you going to "90 meetings in 90 days" in order to break the grip of an addiction, and then going to several meetings a week for the rest of your life in order to stay clean. You see and hear people in there who still cry and hurt because of things that happened twenty years ago. <P>Or, on the other hand, it's analogous to picking a scab, and now it's infected. <P>Regarding self-medicating thru pot smoking. I have permanent brain effects from my two years of 'self-medicating' with street drugs during a previous infidelity-ridden relationship. It might cause permanent problems with your mental biochemistry. BUT, if someone passed me a dutchie right now I would be sorely tempted. <P>OB, I'm sure that someday we will look back on these days of pain and confusion, and know that we came through as wiser beings. Hopefully this forum will have "helped us help each other."<BR>