MY H HAS BEEN HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR AND LYING TO ME ABOUT IT. I FINALLY CAUGHT HIM AT HER HOUSE. HE SWEAR THAT IT NEVER GOT SEXUAL. AFTER THE CONFROUNTATION 1/8/01 HE RETURNED HOME AND SWORE THAT HE WOULD NOT CONTACT HER AGAIN. SHE WAS MY EMPLOYEE, AND MY HUSBAND ALSO WORKS HERE. I LET HER GO. HE WAS VERY ANGRY THAT I DID THAT. I DO BELIEVE THAT HE HASNT SPOKEN OR SEEN HER. HE HOWEVER DOES NOT WANT TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND IS DISTANT AND DISPONDANT. HE IS DEPRESSED. I HAVE TRIED TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVING AND LOVING. BUT I CONTINUE TO PRESS HIM FOR ADDITIONAL COMMITTMENT. HE IS AT HOME NIGHTLY AND STAYS IN THE HOUSE, SHE USED TO CALL HIM ON HIS MOBILE IN OUR SHED, BUT ISNT DOING MUCH MORE THAN LIVING THERE. HE SAYS THAT THE MAGIC HAS DIED. THAT HE HAS FEELINGS FOR ME BUT DOESNT SEE THAT OUR MARRIAGE WILL EVER BE GOOD OR GREAT. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR SOMEONE TO GET OVER THIS SENSE OF LOSS FROM AW? HE HASNT MOVED OUT BUT HAS GIVEN IT ALOT OF CONSIDERATION AND IS STILL CONSIDERING IT. HOW TO PROCEED?

Welcome <B>ZZZ4991</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Please don't type in all CAPS...<BR>...it is considered "yelling" at people.<P>------------------------------------------<BR>You didn't let the affair die a natural death...<BR>...so it may take a little longer...<P>Do not let him move out...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>And consider counseling...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P><B>Your not alone</B>!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Thanks for your reply. I have reviewed alot of this site and have found it most helpful. I am very concerned that he will contact her and start it up again. It is difficult being in a situation that you have no control over. He will not go to counsel and has said no to the telephone concept as well. I have been trying to change and meet his needs. He does recognize that I am trying but he says that it just isnt enough for him right now. He tells me that he has given up the only person who has been giving him any happiness/pleasure. I am trying to spend time with him, be considerate of him and get him to spend time with our kids. I want him to know what he will be losing if he leaves.

You're on the right track...<P>You have to do some ignoring of the negative comments from your H...<BR>...it's part of the "fog" the are in.<P>Keep going with Plan A...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>PTC</A>.<P>You can't control him...<BR>...but you can control you!<P>Consider the counseling (telephone) for yourself...<BR>...it will help!<P> <P>Jim