I am new at this so I hope I'm using this right. Reading about your 51 year old boyfriend who is a chronic cheater reminded me so much of the man I am seeing, who, I am ashamed to say is married. <BR>I want to tell you to get out of the situation ...on the other hand I know how hard it is and how confused you are feeling right now. And I am the last person who should be giving any advice! I don't even know where to start with this, but I need help so bad. I began seeing this man about a year ago. We worked together and flirted with each other for a year before we got together....and when we did get together it was like magic...and still is when we are together. We both fell head over heels in love (if you can call it that) and spent as much time as we could together. I was in a bad relationship so I thought this was the best thing that could happen to me...finally meeting that person who could make me feel all the things I wanted to feel. But now a year later, I am more miserable and confused than I ever imagined possible. <BR>Just like your guy, this man too seems to have a "narcissist" personality. He loves pretty women and gives them enormous amounts of attention. He is a doctor so he is around pretty women (nurses and drug reps) all day long. He is incredibly vain and spends much of his day looking in the mirror. What is really weird is the way he looks at us together in the mirror and talks about "how good we look together"....is that even normal behavior? I am so far from "normal" right now I don't even know. <BR>As I mentioned, he is married. Though in the light of day he says he has no intentions of leaving his wife, yet every time we make love he tells me how much he loves me and needs me, asks me to marry him and tells me he wants to make me preganant with "our baby". I feel completely crazy. What is this about? What do I believe since he is so contradictory? Does he really even love me? <BR>Part of me thinks I should just walk away and never see him again, but the other part wants to hang in there and see what happens...and enjoy the time we have together. I don't even know if I can trust him or if he has other lovers...he swears I am the only one but then he talks (teasingly) about having affairs with other women. <BR>I know this all sounds crazy...I would really appreciate anything anyone has to say at this point. i can't talk to people I know because i'm ashamed of myself for being in this situation. Plus it all sounds so stupid...seems the smart thing to do is to walk away...but how do I do that when I really do love him? HELP!<BR>

You feel bad now. You will feel that much better if you walk away. Your whole relationship is based on a fantasy and your basing your happiness on not thinking about a whole lot of things. That's not real smart. You've got the rest of your life out there waiting for you and it's all real. Once you put this guy out of your life, you'll get to enjoy the heck out of it. It's kinda just that simple.

It is all based on fantasy...I think about that a lot. It kills me to think that if he's not doing this with me he will find someone else to wine and dine and "fulfill his fantasies" with. Why I care I don't understand. <BR>You do make it sound so simple. How do I walk away? HOw can I bring myself to do that?

Not very appealing to think about right now but, how about getting out and flirting a little. You need to get out and away from your regular life a little. Look for more fun than romance. Stay busy, volunteer. Have you ever heard of Jack Tar Villages? After a while, you may find that romance and more finds you. You are not lost, you're just stuck.

i feel completely sick. He just called to see how I was doing..we just came from a romantic weekend away together. Now we are both back to regular life. he asked how I was doing and I told him not very good. I told him I needed something real and he told me he loves me but this is the most he can give me. I asked him if he is not with me than would he find someone else...and he said he wanted to be honest with me and that it is a possibility that he would find somebody else to have this kind of a romance with. And hearing that just about killed me. <BR>And when i got off the phone with him i just started crying uncontrollably and i felt a feeling like i have never experienced before...anxious and my heart started beating really fast and i couldn't stop breathing and i felt like i was going to faint. I just wanted to run outside and scream. How do I even begin to get over this...and even though I know it should end, part of me wants to hold on forever....thinking if i only get him every once in a while at least i still have him in my life. <BR>i feel like i should be hauled off to a hospital for being so crazy.......

what is jack Tar Villages?

Well, 1st of all it's Jack Tarr. I can't spell, sorry. they are get-aways. Any travel agent can hook you up. They supply all the amenities including idyllic locations. You show up and just relax, socialize and have fun. Everything's included. The places are usually populated by a mix of singles and couples and by the second day everyone's pretty well unwound and friendly. There is usually more than enough fun and adventure available at these places to keep you busy. My wife and I as parents use these places a bit to just GET AWAY!! <P>Uh, you're NOT crazy. Your stuck with half a life and a borrowed one at that. I'm way out of my depth here. I just a guy and all I know is from growing up with 4 ugly sisters. If you were a guy, I tell you to quit feeling sorry for your self, get off you butt and go do something. But you're a woman and definitely best helped by someone with some similar experience. And...my sisters aren’t really all that ugly ....any more. <BR>

msschoen,<BR> Run don't walk!!!!! You are wasting your life on someone who will NEVER give you anything but heart ache. You could carry on with this relationship for a very long time and you will look back and wonder what happened to all of those years that you could have been with someone that loved you for you, not for what you could give them.<BR> If you think that he truly loves you, why don't you give him an ultimatum? Probably because you already know the answer.<BR> msschoen don't waste another minute on the guy, you are better than this

I never thought about it that way before...that he loves me for what I can give him and not really for me. The same reason he is with his wife...for what she gives him, nothing to do with her. And what he would lose (financially) if they split. <P>It really is awful feeling so hurt and confused... i just feel tormented by the things he says when we are together and then later says it couldn't really happen (getting married). Makes me wonder what is wrong with me for staying in this crazy relationship for a year. I am scared to give him an ultimatum, because I already know the answer...but it's getting clearer...this situation is no good for anybody but him and I suppose it can only get worse. No good can come out of this. <BR>I really feel like a fool for falling in love with a man like this. <P>Thanks for your responses, it puts a new perspective on things. The one person I can talk to about this relationship is having an affair with a married man herself, and tells me I'm taking things too seriously and just need to let go and have fun. I guess I'm just not made that way. Do people really live like this for years??? He says he could go on like this forever. <P>