My husband had a date with someone he met on line while I was away on business!<P>Early in 2000 my husband discovered the internet chats and began his cyber affairs. I was truly certain he was leaving me and I was going to be another statistic. I just about lost it, went for counseling and finally came around. He didn't think there was anything wrong with what he was doing.<BR>He truly felt I was paranoid and had the problem. And...he claimed he truly loved me.<P>There has been nothing since, other than the odd chat (to my knowledge and I do check). He even lets me know when he is going on line as not to upset me. However, he still retains his profile that he's divorced, he has listed a profile with an adult friend finder and who knows what else. I do think he has taken some of his contact to his work internet/e-mail. I have no way of checking that.<P>I came home from a business trip only to find out that he actually had a date with someone he met on line. I have not approached him and doesn't know that I found out. I did go online to find out who this person is..just happened to find her in a chat room discussing the exact topic and how this guy took her on a date but sent her an e-mail a few days later to say never contact me again, I'm married.<P>I love my husband so very much. Does anyone have any idea why men (or women) do these things? Is there something I'm missing? We've been together for 10 years and married for 6 months. I'm in my mid 40's and he's 50. I know he has a hard time taking compliments and is insecure in his looks from years past. But he is extremely handsome and most women think so. Is this midlife crisis? Can someone help me? I am numb over this.<P>Can I track his IM's or e-mails without him knowing?<P>[This message has been edited by Patte (edited February 08, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Patte (edited February 09, 2001).]

<BR>First off, I'm sorry that no one has answered this. You might try posting in General Questions or Emotional Needs, they have a bigger crowd.<P>[QUOTE]Originally posted by Patte:<BR><B>Does anyone have any idea why men (or women) do these things? Is there something I'm missing?</B><P>I think the quick answer is there is something HE is missing. He is getting some sort of emotional need filled through these relationships, whether it be conversation, admiration, or maybe a fantasy component of sexual fulfillment.<P>You should also wonder whether the one you caught is the only one.<P>I think that you should take this seriously. I can imagine that you will not be happy keeping it buried...the two of you will have to discuss it.<P>As someone said on the EN board, in marriage you get what you tolerate. I don't think you want to tolerate a husband with an active dating life, so you probably have to confront the issue. <P>If I were you, I would call the counseling center here and have an hour consutlation with Steve Harley.<P>Mike<BR>

Mike, thank you for responding. Are you saying that I am not providing these needs? This has only started since the internet came into our home but this date, I'm sure, was the first of its kind. However, you are most likely correct that there is something he needs and it may be a fantasy thing. He has a very large ego and is insecure, just past 50 years old and now seems to require outside stimuli to enhance the ego. I'll probably end up answering my own questions and consulting with my Dr. Thank you again.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR><B><BR>First off, I'm sorry that no one has answered this. You might try posting in General Questions or Emotional Needs, they have a bigger crowd.<P>[QUOTE]Originally posted by Patte:<BR>Does anyone have any idea why men (or women) do these things? Is there something I'm missing?</B><P>I think the quick answer is there is something HE is missing. He is getting some sort of emotional need filled through these relationships, whether it be conversation, admiration, or maybe a fantasy component of sexual fulfillment.<P>You should also wonder whether the one you caught is the only one.<P>I think that you should take this seriously. I can imagine that you will not be happy keeping it buried...the two of you will have to discuss it.<P>As someone said on the EN board, in marriage you get what you tolerate. I don't think you want to tolerate a husband with an active dating life, so you probably have to confront the issue. <P>If I were you, I would call the counseling center here and have an hour consutlation with Steve Harley.<P>Mike<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>