Hello... H has had three EAs in the past four years (unsure if any were physical - he says not). Finally, last August it came to a head and ruptured... a sort of quiet calm ensued the month following. So why is it that I still have hope that creeps in there? He tells me repeatedly that his intention is to separate and divorce - as he sees NO HOPE. These are the consequences, he says, of the decisions/behaviors I've made over the past nine years... that have love busted our relationship.<P>But, then there are the moments where we can actually get along and talk about things. Then before you know it... hope starts creeping in. For some reason, I'm thinking it might be better to just make the decision... six months now since his intention to split. We're still together - somewhat.<P>How can I be realistic about having hope? I know... hope shouldn't be in the circumstances of life. It gets killed over and over again and I die the same death it seems a thousand times...<P>Thoughts...?

Hope...that's sometimes all we have to work with. The faith is gone, the love is fading. I know there are times when I hope that my partner will wake up and realize that I'm worth it, and sometimes I hope that tomorrow I'll wake up and realize he's not. I don't know your situation, or what his comment about you ruining the relationship with your decisions/actions means. I do know that the companionship I miss from our previous relationship is what gives me hope, and that every time that feeling is rekindled, my hope gets stronger. The back and forth is tough. Hang in there.