I've caught my wife cheating on me twice in the past 2 years with two different co-workers. I've also caught her at another man's house.<BR>She has been working late nights for a long time now, and she has proven to me that she has been there.<BR>But recently she hasn't been going just to work. I've checked her mileage and she is driving many more miles than just to work.<BR>Last night she drover over 100 miles and her work is only 5 miles away!<BR>DO I ask her about it? She has been at least "acting" like she wants our marriage to work. She asked to make love last week, she tells me she loves me when I do something nice, and ha;f-hearteddly (I think) when I tell herI love her.<BR>Help me. I am hurting so bad. I want her to love me again but she keeps being dishonest with me.Do I say anything? She is sleeping right now.

This is a very sad story. It seems obvious<BR>that your wife has been and probably is<BR>continuing to be unfaithful to you. The<BR>question is how much are you willing to accept? Will your life be happier with or<BR>without her if she continues to cheat. I suggest that she get into therapy at once. If she refuses that you will have to look within yourself and determine what you want in your life. Good Luck

Definitely become well acquainted with Plan A I would approach her with love and kindess with your questions. You have an honest query about her travels and the mileage on the car and justifiably so. You also have her past infidelities to deal with and if want the marriage to work, well then, that has to come up and out in the open. It must be so difficult for you. I hope others on this board can help you too.

I'm really not sure she's cheating on me. Maybe she's just going to see friends. But all her friends are male, that's my/her problem. She says that she likes male friends because they don't talk about you behind your back.<BR>She has been acting like she is starting to at least try to love me again, these last couple of weeks. She laid her head on my lap earlier and she held my hand. She said thank you for all the housework I've done so far today. She has been smiling at me. <BR>She could be just going to her brother's. But, even if she went to work, drove to her brother's, and came back home she still wouldn't have put on more than 40 miles total.<BR>I woke up in the middle of the night crying from a nightmare about her. <BR>How do I ask her lovingly? I want to know what she is doing but I don't want to LB because she has been acting much better lately.

Welcome <B>Hurting Husband me</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>In Plan A you can do many things to help your relationship...<P>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>I would also consider <A HREF="http://www.wwme.org/new.html" TARGET=_blank>World Wide Marriage Encounter</A> and/or <A HREF="http://www.retrouvaille.org/" TARGET=_blank>Retrouvaille</A>!<P>You can be honest to her...<BR>You can voice your concerns...<BR>...just do it lovingly!<BR>(BTW: Don't do it on Valentine's Day)<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Very little LBs since Nov. Almost nothing but deposits.<BR>Tonight she saw me "down" and asked what was wrong.<BR>Then when I didn't reply right away she said "are you going to keep lying to me?<BR>To which I replied "I want you to start being honest to me."<BR>The kids are in bed and she hasn't said a word. She is definately avoiding the issue.<BR>But she is still acting nice! And she just asked me to call her brother to watch our kids for our Valentines Day date.<BR>I'm so confused.<BR>

HHM...<P>Call her brother...<P>Make it a good Valentine's Day...<P>...don't give her a "bad" memory...<P>...show that your love can overcome your short-term depression (whether warranted or not).<P> <P>Jim

This is Hurting Husband me (I'm at work now and Sat morning I didn't have my password at home so I created a new username)<P>Thank you so much everyone. This really helps. <P>I was scared at first when I told her I wanted her to be honest with me because she started being a little "cold". <P>Regarding your mention of depression NSR. I've been severely depressed since the first time I caught her back in July of 99'. After that incident she started wearing more sexy clothes/lingerie and it only made it worse for me. I didn't think she was doing it for me, even though she said she was. She said I didn't make her feel wanted so she was trying to turn me on. If only I wasn't so depressed at the time, I know our marriage would never have reached this point. But then again, I probably never would have looked for help and found the MB website <P>It's been only up until the present that I've been able to pull myself up and be strong, at least in front of her. I was taking anti-depressants last year but they weren't helping.<P>Last night we went to bed together(2am) only after she said "why don't you go to bed" to which I replied "I don't want to go to bed alone." <BR>We kissed for a few seconds and fell asleep holding hands. Here's something I thought of this morning. She went to bed naked so I doubt very much if she had sex with someone Sat night because she didn't take a shower yesterday.<P>I called her brother right when she asked me to (I just didn't mention it) and he agreed to watch the kids for us for Valentine's Day.<BR>Should I just leave the issue alone until after Valentine's Day? Or leave it alone for a couple weeks? Maybe she will stop whatever she is doing on her own? <BR>I know she is going to tell me she is going to have to work late either one night this week or this weekend. I don't know if I can take another night alone, wondering where she is going.<p>[This message has been edited by DestroyedHeart (edited February 12, 2001).]

oops, double post. Please delete moderator!<p>[This message has been edited by DestroyedHeart (edited February 12, 2001).]

Give it a day or two after Valintine's Day...<P>...it sounds like your W is trying to reach out to you...<P>a lot more patience is what you need...<BR>...a very hard comodity to come by.<P>Could you ask her to call you (at least once) while she's working late?...<BR>...a kind of sanity check.<P> <P>Jim

Yes, I've asked her to call me, which she does. And it makes me feel great! But everything and everyone is close by. The man I suspect she might be spending time with is only 10min from her work. <BR>The last time I heard from her that night was 1:25am via email (so I know she was there) but when I called to say g'nite at 1:50 there was no answer. <BR>Not to mention the mileage!

Valentine's Day<BR>I took my wife to see a couple of Country Stars on a riverboat cruise. If there is a God (which I find hard to believe with everything that has happened the last couple years) he was sure watching over me last night.<BR>I made serious deposits in my wife's love bank last night. I got an autograph from one of the singers, and I got the other singer to have a picture taken with her. She is 35 years old (as am I) and she was acting like a giddy school girl! She kept mentioning how good-looking the one was so I asked him if I could take a picture of my wife with him, which he agreed because I happened to be in the right place at the right time. We even got to talk to him for a couple minutes.<BR>She kept thanking me all night, saying she had a great time. <BR>But, last night after picking up the kids and before going to bed she told me she has to work one night this weekend. She saw my demeanor change a few minutes later but I told her nothing was wrong because she had quite a few beers (gets evil and unreasonable with me when she's been drinking) and I didn't want to ruin Valentine's Day.<BR>She asked me this morning "did I do somehing to make you mad?" I smiled and said no. But when she called me at work from work she asked me again and I said, "I'm not going to talk about it at work." <P>So we agreed to talk tonight.<BR>I'm just so scared because every time I try to talk to her it ends up sending us backwards again. <BR>But I have to tell her that I know she's not being honest with me about her whereabouts. <BR>I need to know what she is doing and why she has to lie to me. I'm hoping that she is just going to see her brother but it can't be just that, there is something else going on too. 96 miles in one night is more than double what she would have driven!<P>I'm sitting here trying to think how I can ask her to be honest with me in a loving way about what she has been doing. <BR>I haven't been successful yet, it always sends us back down the hill...<BR>Suggestions Please?