Hello, My wife and I have been married for 9 years last month. I have always been SUPER proud of our relationship in EVERY way. We have always had an open, honest, and caring friendship and marriage, beginning with both living in my car...and ending up now owning a semi-successful business, and being a partner in another business. Through all of this, my wife has always been PERFECT!! Very supportive and giving. She meets all of my most important needs. At the same time, I do not drink, watch football, or any of the other "things men do" to irritate their wives. In the past, if there was anything I could change to please my wife, I would change it, and have done so several different times in the last nine years.<BR> With all that said... the last 6 months or so have been very stressful with the businesses, and I don't think I was giving my wife enough of her most important need..ATTENTION. I didn't even think about her needs, my mind was on running a business, not focused on my wife 100%. I wasn't unkind or hurtful, I guess just distant. During all this our communication wasn't very good I guess, because I didn't even know that there was a problem in our marriage. As far as I know.. She has never slept with anyone, but she did have several "boyfriends" on the internet that she talks to all night. They all started out as "someone to talk to".. But they turned into XXX rated pretty soon. Things that she would say to me were said to other men. She sent her picture and lots of "lovy dovy" greeting cards and E-mails to several of these people.<BR>I finally got the hint around the end of November and cracked into her computer and E mail accounts (all which were hidden from me) and found out all of this. Even after I confronted Her there were details that she still would deny untill I showed her the evidence. Since then I have been in a state of shock, I know this doesn't sound as bad as most of the POSTS in this forum, but my wife has always been the "good, christian, upstanding" type.<BR>Just last year she was saying how upset she was at one of her girlfriends because she was doing the same thing in her relationship. And they aren't even married!!<BR>We have been reading alot of marriage books and have started talking again. We even got rid of her computer! She seems to still be in love with me. But I am the one with the problem.. How can I feel like I did before all this happened. I never thought she could do this sort of thing, and I cant help but wonder what would have happened if there was a real person around for her to "talk to".<P><BR>HELP ME FEEL BETTER PLEASE!!!!

<B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P> <P>Jim

Thank you for the links!!! I found them helpful. Any other advice would be nice also.....Thanks again.

Hi.. I've been working my way through this mess and things do seem better... I don't look in my W eyes and see only deception any more.. But I can't help but think that there may be more to the E affairs she was having. Last night she admitted that she would have never told me about any of this. She would have continued to call herself a faithful wife forever and lived a lie until the end.. How should I feel about this?? I guess at least she is being honest. But If she wouldn't tell me about this because it would hurt our marriage, how can I be sure that there isn't more that I just haven't found out about yet?? Mabye a PA???<BR>That would destroy me!! <BR>Seems like alot of other people in this forum feel the same way...Has anyone gotten through this trust issue??? <BR>Please Help

I guess I keep harping on the same thing..Mabye because it's only been a few months. I have read all the posts that have been recommended and out of them all, I like the one by HGBRAWNER. I wish I could tattoo all of it inside my eyelids.. It really does make me look at the whole situation, and not just my feelings. But after a while, I start feeling sorry for myself again. Was Gods plan for me to live like this? Or is everyone entitled to a "pure" marriage, with no lies, betrayal, ect.?<BR>Prayers would be apreciated..........Thanks