Got the suprise of my life on Sunday AM when my SO called and asked if he could see me for dinner Sunday night. At first I said "No, I would like to see you, but no more triangles for me". He said that's what he wanted to discuss...that he had called OW and ended it that AM. I was a little scared, but said ok. Well, we had a nice dinner (I didn't bring up the A, decided to REALLY listen and be non-threatening/nonpunishing) and then afterwards we walked out to the park and he told me the whole story. The hardest thing I ever did was listen and not tell him what an idiot he was. I didn't have to. After a while he told me what an stupid idiot he felt like and how it was time for us to really commit (as in marriage). My guardian angel must have been right there, because I suggested that we get through this together, really work on understanding all the elements that led to this (neither of us meeting each other's EN) and then decide if we have something that will stand the test of time. He agreed wholeheartedly. We decided not to become intimate until I was ready, and he was checked for STD's (my tests were all ok). He agreed to tell me if any contact was made by her, or even if he was contemplating contact. He also will be writing a No Contact letter this week which he agreed to let me read. I'll be honest...part of me is thrilled and wants to rush back into our relationship, but the other part (smarter part) says to take this slow and make sure it's what we both want and need. So, if any suggestions, comments, let me know. You folks have been a tremendous help so far.<BR>T

Take the 'smart' Twyla out for lunch and buy her a gift ..... she deserves a reward! <P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Twyla:<BR><B>Got the suprise of my life on Sunday AM when my SO called and asked if he could see me for dinner Sunday night.</B><P>Hey, the guy picked the classiest girl, I'm not surprised a bit.<P>But I am happy for you <P>

Yesterday...I certainly will. I'm thinking something decadent..hmmmmBanana Split!!<BR>Mike...you are the sweetest guy and you do wonders for a girl's self esteem. I hope you're appreciated at home.<BR>For another update...he just called and we discussed the usual day stuff, and then he said that our relationship seemed more fulfilling now that he knows he can confide in me without being slammed. He wanted to know how to earn back my trust. I told him that I actually trusted him in a lot of different aspects of his life...he was a good father to kids, he is a kind and good MD, and that he's one of the few men I've met that can say I'm sorry and really want to try to make amends. So, with both of us working on this, we can both learn to trust.<BR>each other. I had written him several letters while I was Plan A'ing that were very truthful in terms of how I felt...not angry, but more confused and also admitting my faults, seeing his, but not accusing,and he says he has re-read these daily. But, the best compliment he gave me was when he said "I want to be the man who deserves a woman like you". So, O mighty and experienced posters...what next? I'm thinking about doing the EN questionnaire with him. Should I wait a while? I ordered the "His Needs, Her Needs" book, but it will take awhile to get here. Figured we could read it together. Still get a few unhappy thoughts, but I really am a big advocate of accentuating the positive, so I just block them with better things. I am definately listening to the "smart me"!!!<BR>

YAY! I'm so happy for you Twyla! Way to go. Well, it sounds like you've been following your head as well as your heart and doing quite well by it. I would go the way that feels right for you. I'm learning a lot from you!<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Twyla:<BR>[B]I'm thinking about doing the EN questionnaire with him. Should I wait a while?[B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well....how was he on these issues when things were normal? If he isn't usually open to relationship talks, strike while the iron is hot and you have theis little honeymoon period. Might as well get the rules down now.<P>Mike <P>

Good point Mike. One of the problems that probably weakened our relationship the most was both of us skirting around the issues. We would almost get to the heart of problems and then back off. I think we were too afraid to voice or receive disapproval. Right now I certainly feel safer, and he seems to also. I am lucky that I had read the Affair book the week before I found out. Someday I'll tell you the story about how that came about. Kinda cute