<BR>My fiance who i have lived with for 4 years and have a 16 mo. old baby with...cheated on me with one of his renters. <BR>I had a gut feeling for a while so i kept my eyes open<BR>and got the phone bill in january and it had 2 long distance numbers on it..so i looked them up on reverse phone lookup. It was to a phone sex line.<BR>I confroted him about "what he had done in october" not saying what evidence i had..just that i had proof.<BR>He floored me by confessing to calling one of or "married renters" while i was working (and he was with our son)to bring over the rent. He said<BR>she came in and they sat on the couch and he started kissing herand they did it on our living room floor. Later he confessed to getting oral sex during the act. He said<BR>she peeked in to see OUR son and then she left. <BR>All the peices are falling in to place..in oct. he baught flavored condoms..must have been for her. When he got them we only used one. It makes no sence because i don't do oral sex with a condom. I checked to see how many are used..7 ! He still swears it happend once.<BR>He will not tell me why he did it..only that he was stupid. Now he does not want to evict her and her husband.. even th they pay their rent 15 days late all the time. I told her husband<BR>when i went to confront her.<BR>He think's i should just forget about it..it will never happen again.<BR>There is so much more in way of details but i don't want to use up too much space.<BR>I am 32..him 35<BR>I don't know if i can believe him. He is a porno fanatic..never been married.<BR>I have him locked out of adult websites on the web tv.<BR>I can't even chec milage because she lives a block away. I do not know how to drive so i can't check up on him. I have no family and no income. I quit my job because<BR>the first weekend i worked is when he cheated,,lol,the first chace he got!<BR>I am fine one day then angry the next. I do not trust him<BR>and i hate the person i am becoming.<BR>any advice ? <BR><P>------------------<BR><BR>canmis

Be careful~~~~<P>You are becoming the "mommie" of a very naughty little boy instead the woman of a "responsible man".....<P>What do you mean by this "He is a porno fanatic" ..... what, when, where, how often???<P>Is there any form of substance abuse going on?<P>Go get this book NOW....<BR>10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives........ by Dr. Laura Schlessinger<P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*<p>[This message has been edited by Yesterday (edited February 15, 2001).]

Thank you for replying Yesterday..<BR>When i say he is a porn fanatic i<BR>mean he has an entire cabinet filled with xxx videos that he watches the second i ever leave the house..i am no prude.. i could watch with him..he seems to like to watch alone.<P>He has boxes filled with x rated books.I asked him not to take them in the bathroom because then all he does is masterbate..in place of sex. Well..every day i take one out and he hides another one in there..then he lies and says that it has been in there for a long time.<P>When he lost his job 2 years ago(because of his temper) instead of looking for a job(he owns 2 duplexes so i guess he was in no hurry to make money) he sat on the web tv all day while i was at work.<BR>I got so mad i put him on surf watch. About 1 year ago i took the watch off and he spent his time looking at smut instead of taking care of our son properly.<BR>Now that i remember that...i shouldn't have been so shocked that he would cheat while he was home alone with our son.<P>as far as a substance problem..hell ya..at least i think so.<BR>The renter is one of the people he buy's his pot from. When he called her over to pay the rent that day<BR>he invited her in to "smoke a bowl"<BR>after that is when they had sex.<BR>He smokes the seconed he gets home from work till he goes to sleep and all weekend long. He always passes out by 7 P.M. If he runs out he drinks a few mixed drinks.<BR>I have said to him "if you are so unhappy with us that you have to be under the influence of something we should not be together"<BR>He said it's not that..and doesn't really give me a good reason.<BR>I do not want to give the impression that i am no fun..i drink..but not every day.<BR>He will never quit smoking...not even if i threaten to leave.<BR>I don't even know where things stand.our relationship is not the same as many of the posters here.<BR>I have laid the law down to him.<BR>No unaccounted for time..no trips anywhere but work without me.<BR>Even before this happend..we Never went<BR>out to a bar.. away for the weekend or anywhere without each other(both wanted it this way)<BR>He doesn't use the internet or own a cell phone. He does not even go out to lunch..he eat's at work and calls me (we have caller i.d.)<BR>He works with all men..only one woman secretary.<BR>It seems that many couples here had live's besides with each other.<BR>My fiance does not have the time to get to know anyone long enough to fall in love with them.<BR>We even make our phone calls in front of each other.<BR>My big mistake was overlooking the renters..i didn't know she didn't work and her husband was an over the road trucker.<BR>I guess this is no way to live..but i don't know what else to do.<BR><P>------------------<BR><BR>canmis

<BR>Well....if you want a life of suspicions, surveillance, heartbreak, deception, and unfulfilled needs, you are very well-matched in this potential marriage.<P>I think you need to develop a contingency plan to support yourself and your son that does not include this man. Get some career training, learn to drive, develop some life skills. Perhaps then, when you have some options, he will listen to your concerns and change his behavior. <P>

~* canmis *~<P><BR>A man who loves porno .... a lot <P>A man who has a temper bad enough to get him fired <P>A man who has no career or interest other than web TV <P>A man who likes to get high instead of read to his child <P>A man who has no track record of maintaining long term friendships <P>...... excuse me......<P>Exactly what do you want him for? Seriously ...... what does he do for you? How does he make your life better? How do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years if you do stay with him?<P>You need to read the "10 Stupid Things" book AND go to an ALANON meeting. You are attracted to "danger" and you need to figure out why......<P>good luck to you and your child......<P><P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*

I feel sorry that you had a baby with this man. You can always leave him but it is harder when you have a child in common. First of all, you risked your child's future having him without being married. But considering the kind of man he is, I can see why you would not marry him...If it was me, I would take a month and dislodge yourself from him in every way. Get your own life together. It sounds like he won't want to change. You may have to raise your baby alone for awhile or you may meet a nice and wonderful man. I would just be livid and kick his [censored] out if he screwed one of my tenants. And on my living room floor!!!!

What Mike posted was allfine and good..but i have no one to teach<BR>me to drive. I have no money to hire anyone..even if i could drive<BR>i could not buy a car. I ave no savings. My fiance pays for food and shelter..i even cut my own hair! If i go to work most of my check is garnished by the fed. and state I.R.S.(50% before taxes) from my dead ex husbands not paying taxes on our business(that my name was on before we married)<BR>I have no family to stay with..no friends to stay with.<BR>I could maybe leave and go on welfare..but that is a heck of life<BR>for my son.<BR>We had our first apt. with a counsellor last night. I think it went very well. I am going to give things a try...i just wish i could go back to school.<P>------------------<BR><BR>canmis