My H has been having an ongoing affair for about 2 yrs. It started as an EA and about 1 yr ago I told him he was too close to her and that he needed to cool it. From all outside appearances he did, but he created a new secret life and just hid it better. Then fall of 2000 I discovered that it was still going on and started to push harder for him to committ and etc. I found him at her house on 1/8 and he came home saying that he would recommitt to us and our marriage and family (3 kids under 10). He went for awhile with out contacting her then things started to change, he became more distant and irritable, low a behold he was contacting her again. We work in a large family owned business, my family. He doesnt get along with my father and literally hates him. She no longer works for us. I let her go, I gave her a good letter of reference, called several of my business contacts to get her job leads and paid her vacation, sick time and health insurance for 1 month inorder to find a job. Well, on the day before my birthday 2/16, he left me to go to her. He spent the night with her and had decided to leave me. His parents found out he left and his dad went to talk with him. Now he comes home the next day 2/17 (my bday) and says that when he woke up in the morning, he realized he had made a big mistake. That he thought he could run away from his problem when he was with her. But when he woke up it wasnt his kids running around the house and it wasnt me. That he didnt realize how much he would miss us. He has finally admitted that it turned sexual around the fall of 2000 and that he had unprotected sex and then of course we were still having sex. He wants to make a go of it with me. I let him come home with me. I really do love him and want our marriage to be good. I was devestated when he left but I need him to make a choice one way or another. I have opened my own checking account and took 1/2 of our savings on the 2/17 in the morning before he came home. I told him what I did. He had the gall to say you though I would drain the account?? I told him I dont know what to expect any more. I asked him to call her and tell her that it was over. That I knew what it was like to wait for somebody to come back and I wouldnt wish that on anyone. I told him I wanted to hear him tell her. Well he told me, she knows its over. I asked him to send a letter of no contact, he said he would consider it but didnt think it was needed. Well the OW called our house that night and he talked to her in my presence but didnt really say anything. He said she told him that it was obvious he had made his choice and that it was to be with me and our kids. The call lasted about 45 mins and he just would say, yes, no, I understand, etc. non committal. I know this type of conversation, I have had it with him a million times. Its the I dont want to talk now. Well, she called to talk to me the next morning. Told me that he wouldnt talk to her said that he couldnt. She told me that she didnt know what to believe from him anymore and that he told her so many lies that she wanted to know from me what was going on. I told her that he had decided to stay with me and that we were going to work on our marriage and make a go of it. She said that she wouldnt have gotten so involved with him if he hadnt been promising to leave me to go to her. She told me that she was really very sorry for the hurt that they caused me. I told her that everyone was hurt in this situation and that it was a bad situation. I told her that I thought she was a good person but I didnt like what had gone on. She told me that she would respect our marriage if that was truely the decision he made and it appeared as if it was. He is totally different this time from 1/8. He says that he can make me a happy woman. He even gives me kisses that are not the cold pecks. I am so scared to trust him and invest. How can I beleive that he wont do this again? Any advice would be appreciated.
