Hello,<BR>I don't come to this board often any more, I spend most of my time on the In Recovery side of things. But I wanted to stop in and share some things with you all to hopefully give you a little hope for the future.<P>Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our third year of our new marriage. You see, on February 23, 1998, I found proof of his affair, confronted he and the ow, and the affair ended. Actually, to be perfectly accurate I have to say that God led me to the proof and gave me the strength I needed for the confrontation.<P>In our situation, the affair was very brief and not very involved. My husband did think he loved the ow for a while, but he <B>knew</B> he loved me and didn't want to lose me. He was terrified that I would leave him if I found out about the affair. Fortunately, we had both been praying and God knew the time was right for His intervention.<P>I have to be honest and tell you that it was terribly painful. I was blessed the my husband walked away from the ow and never looked back. It did take him a couple of days to see her realistically and to see that what she had convinced him was "just friendship" was a continued affair. The affair was physical on two occasions over one week, several weeks before I found out. My husband ended that on his own, but she convinced him (with satan's help) that continued secret meetings and emails wasn't really an affair.<P>Some things that helped me were:<BR>1. Total faith in and reliance on God. He had led me to the book Experiencing God Day by Day by Henry Blackaby about 6 weeks before I found out about the affair. As I read through it in the second year of our journey, I realized how the devotions during that time helped to prepare me for the coming storm.<P>2. The book Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. I have read several books on recovery after an affair and I believe Torn Asunder is absolutely the best and most complete. It has great info for both spouses and even a plan to give the marriage a chance when a spouse is ambivalent or continuing an affair.<P>3. Writing in my journal. I spent time every day reading my Bible, my devotion book, and writing down my thoughts. It helped me tremendously to gain control over the storm raging in my head.<P>4. A list of the physiological effects of an affair on the wounded spouse in the book After the Affair by Janis Spring. I realized while reading it that I was normal...I wasn't losing my mind.<P>I realize that most of you here are either just finding out about the affair and possibly in situations where the affair is continuing. I want to encourage you not to give up. Don't make life changing decisions while you are in a state of confusion and pain. I also want to encourage you to stand firm for your marriages....don't walk away in anger or haste.<P>I remember well the pain of those early days....the feeling that your life will never be happy or normal again. I remember the inability to function beyond staying alive day to day. I remember wanting to climb into my bed, pull the covers over my head and not come out until it was over and I was healed. I remember thinking "This is just too hard" but not knowing any other way to go. <P>I struggled with trusting my husband for some time, but with his behaving in a way that won back my trust and my choice to take the risk of trusting him again we have trust in our marriage today. It is an open-eyed trust that is based on reality, not assumption, and I believe that is a healthier kind of trust.<P>Now, with all those memories, let me tell you that I am normal and happy. I love my husband and he loves me. We have a magnificent marriage that is proof of God's healing power and grace. I look forward to the future and the past is only a scar...a reminder of where we have been and never want to go again. I will never be grateful for the sin that came into my life, but I will be eternally grateful for the way God revealed Himself and worked in my life, my husband's life and our marriage. None of this happened over night....it took time and effort. God didn't wave a magic wand and drop it all into my lap while I sat and waited. God gave me the tools and the strength...and gave the same things to my husband...and we worked together to reach this miracle.<P>You ask why I would continue to come here after three years and with a healed marriage? I am here out of a desire to share what I have found. I am here because I believe God has called me to be to others what I needed so badly in the early days and couldn't find.....a representative of healing and hope...proof that marriages not only survive, but thrive in spite of an affair.<P>Some suggestions..... Don't make decisions in haste or anger. Eat small meals and rest when you can. See your doctor if nightmares, anxiety attacks, and weight loss continues for more than a week or two. There are temporary meds to help you through the worst of the crisis. Understand that this is a process and it takes time. Just because an unfaithful spouse is in an affair and showing now signs of stopping doesn't mean that the marriage is over...many miracles have happened here. Move slowly and carefully and educate yourself about affairs and marriage restoration. Get into counseling....go alone if your spouse won't go with you. Don't tell too many people, but find a friend or family member to confide in and who will love and support you. Stay away from people who tell you to leave or do drastic things....you and you alone will know if the time has come to do that. If you have a personal relationship with God, turn totally to Him. If you don't, consider seeking Him out....He wants to love you and guide you. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trusting Him.<P>Take care.....<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<p>[This message has been edited by HGBrawner (edited February 24, 2001).]

Thanks HGBrawner! Today is my first day posting. You can find my story called "The Preacher's Wife" under Just Found Out. Your words were so encouraging. I have been doing the things you have recommended. I thank God that He touched your heart to post again, because I really needed the encouragement. Please keep me in your prayers and may the richest of His kindness continue to be with you. Thanks!<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HGBrawner:<BR><B>Hello,<BR>I don't come to this board often any more, I spend most of my time on the In Recovery side of things. But I wanted to stop in and share some things with you all to hopefully give you a little hope for the future.<P>Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our third year of our new marriage. You see, on February 23, 1998, I found proof of his affair, confronted he and the ow, and the affair ended. Actually, to be perfectly accurate I have to say that God led me to the proof and gave me the strength I needed for the confrontation.<P>In our situation, the affair was very brief and not very involved. My husband did think he loved the ow for a while, but he knew</B> he loved me and didn't want to lose me. He was terrified that I would leave him if I found out about the affair. Fortunately, we had both been praying and God knew the time was right for His intervention.<P>I have to be honest and tell you that it was terribly painful. I was blessed the my husband walked away from the ow and never looked back. It did take him a couple of days to see her realistically and to see that what she had convinced him was "just friendship" was a continued affair. The affair was physical on two occasions over one week, several weeks before I found out. My husband ended that on his own, but she convinced him (with satan's help) that continued secret meetings and emails wasn't really an affair.<P>Some things that helped me were:<BR>1. Total faith in and reliance on God. He had led me to the book Experiencing God Day by Day by Henry Blackaby about 6 weeks before I found out about the affair. As I read through it in the second year of our journey, I realized how the devotions during that time helped to prepare me for the coming storm.<P>2. The book Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. I have read several books on recovery after an affair and I believe Torn Asunder is absolutely the best and most complete. It has great info for both spouses and even a plan to give the marriage a chance when a spouse is ambivalent or continuing an affair.<P>3. Writing in my journal. I spent time every day reading my Bible, my devotion book, and writing down my thoughts. It helped me tremendously to gain control over the storm raging in my head.<P>4. A list of the physiological effects of an affair on the wounded spouse in the book After the Affair by Janis Spring. I realized while reading it that I was normal...I wasn't losing my mind.<P>I realize that most of you here are either just finding out about the affair and possibly in situations where the affair is continuing. I want to encourage you not to give up. Don't make life changing decisions while you are in a state of confusion and pain. I also want to encourage you to stand firm for your marriages....don't walk away in anger or haste.<P>I remember well the pain of those early days....the feeling that your life will never be happy or normal again. I remember the inability to function beyond staying alive day to day. I remember wanting to climb into my bed, pull the covers over my head and not come out until it was over and I was healed. I remember thinking "This is just too hard" but not knowing any other way to go. <P>I struggled with trusting my husband for some time, but with his behaving in a way that won back my trust and my choice to take the risk of trusting him again we have trust in our marriage today. It is an open-eyed trust that is based on reality, not assumption, and I believe that is a healthier kind of trust.<P>Now, with all those memories, let me tell you that I am normal and happy. I love my husband and he loves me. We have a magnificent marriage that is proof of God's healing power and grace. I look forward to the future and the past is only a scar...a reminder of where we have been and never want to go again. I will never be grateful for the sin that came into my life, but I will be eternally grateful for the way God revealed Himself and worked in my life, my husband's life and our marriage. None of this happened over night....it took time and effort. God didn't wave a magic wand and drop it all into my lap while I sat and waited. God gave me the tools and the strength...and gave the same things to my husband...and we worked together to reach this miracle.<P>You ask why I would continue to come here after three years and with a healed marriage? I am here out of a desire to share what I have found. I am here because I believe God has called me to be to others what I needed so badly in the early days and couldn't find.....a representative of healing and hope...proof that marriages not only survive, but thrive in spite of an affair.<P>Some suggestions..... Don't make decisions in haste or anger. Eat small meals and rest when you can. See your doctor if nightmares, anxiety attacks, and weight loss continues for more than a week or two. There are temporary meds to help you through the worst of the crisis. Understand that this is a process and it takes time. Just because an unfaithful spouse is in an affair and showing now signs of stopping doesn't mean that the marriage is over...many miracles have happened here. Move slowly and carefully and educate yourself about affairs and marriage restoration. Get into counseling....go alone if your spouse won't go with you. Don't tell too many people, but find a friend or family member to confide in and who will love and support you. Stay away from people who tell you to leave or do drastic things....you and you alone will know if the time has come to do that. If you have a personal relationship with God, turn totally to Him. If you don't, consider seeking Him out....He wants to love you and guide you. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trusting Him.<P>Take care.....<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

preacher'swife<BR>I read your post on the In Recovery board and responded to you there. You will be in my prayers. I am also willing to give you my email address if you would like to correspond that way. It is up to you.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31