I think my H is finally getting the fog to lift, He is reading surviving the affair, and seems to be out of depression. but my question is how do you begin conversations with the WS? It seems like everytime I want to talk about something we are having a good day and I hate to ruin it. My H is not a talker and never initiates any conversation aobut us or the EMA. There are things I want to talk about. like trying to fix us and work on us ie: more time alone, solving our conflicts, how he is feeling working with OW daily? how do you approach this without them feeling like your attacking or bringing up past?<BR>any ideas or suggestions would be helpful. <BR>

Wow! it sounds like you are in the same boat as I am. What to do next. A little backround - I caught my wife about 4 months ago (I can't believe it has been that long) She was having an affair with a co-worker. she still works there. I am against that. but am dealing with it now. I did plan A for 3 months. then plan B for a week and she came back and we have been working on it since then. What to do to begin talking again!!! I wanted to talk about OM everytime we discussed our marriage. She feels extreme guilt - your husband probably feels the same - They don't want to talk about it. They have to get over OM / OW that is hard for me to handle. but it is a reality. Try to descover new things to do together. Even if they sound corny or hoaky. The best thing is laughter. I know it is hard to have a sense of humor when you are depressed. I guess the bottom line is I want to talk about the same things you do. but I think focusing on having fun and restoring the fun and love in your marriage is the best thing you can do now. when your love is stronger I think he will be more able to talk about it. Try not to love bust even though you have every right to.Talk about the touchy things a liitle at a time. Let him know you need reassurance from time to time. I am just rambling on. I understand what you are going through. I am there as well. Stick to Harley's plan. It works.<BR>God Bless you!

Well it does sound like we are in the same boat. I am in Plan A and I am not sure where my H is. He is working with her and I really don't like it either but it's a great job and we would lose alot if he left it. i agree it is hard. I just wish there was a way to know when he is over OW and to know if what he tells me about his time at work is true. I have been thru this twice with him since Aug. I am so scared and afraid all my work with no LB's and trying hard to focus on his top two EN's will go down the drain when he says something and I take it the wrong way. Like He can't find time for me in the mornings (he works third shift) because he is so tired, yet that's how this affair started and carried on, because I was sleeping in morning so he would just come home later. aaaahhhhhh. I think I am venting. I should probably wait till my counseling session tomorrow to do that. I was trying to find more info on your situation, where can I look? I have been looking for someone to talk with who's situation is similiar to mine. <BR>sounds like you are on the right track keep up your spirits.