I just learned about my husband "dark side". We have been married for only 6 months and our marriage in already in trouble. I have learned about his fetish with pornographic material that has been going on for years, according to his mother. I just learned about it last night. Also he lies and decives to me all the time. Recently he has also started stealing from my family. According to his friends these are "habbits" that he has had for a long time. They wont tell me about any other "habbits" though. Its realy scary to find out that the person you love, married, and was planning to spend the rest of your life with has such a twisted side to him, that he has been keeping from you for years. Also when I confronted him about this last night he took off, and now its been about 16 hrs since I have seen or heard from him. This too is also a normal "habbit". Whenever he gets confronted with anything that he doesnt like he will disappear for weeks at a time. I'm at my wits end. I no longer can trust my husband. We are on the verg of divorce and I dont know what to do or where to turn. I need all the help and prays I can get for my husbands unholy dark side that is about to tear us apart.

You need to convince your H that counseling (about his addiction to pornography) is a requirement for a future with you.<P>It's a very serious matter.<P>Love him through this time...<BR>...but if there is a continued unwillingness to seek counseling...<BR>...you may want to spare yourself a horrid future.<P> <P>Jim

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I also have an H with a darkside. He has never stolen but the porn and lying has always been there. I found out about it when we started living together (although there was lying before then but my love was blind). He actually blamed the porn found on the computer and internet sites on his teenage son. That was two years ago and I believed him about his son. Well four months ago he had an affair by posting an ad on the internet looking for daytime encounters. We are currently in counselling and it looks like he's addressing some of the issues. He has a way of blaming everyone else for his problems. It's a very long haul and I wanted to go to counselling two years ago when the first issue came up but he told me he wouldn't. Well, now I really wish I had either been more insistent about the counselling or left him because my most recent pain of his affair has been terrible. I was not taking no for an answer to counselling this time and wish I had taken that strong of a position last time even if it would have meant losing him. My H seems to run away anytime that I have "caught" him. Two years ago when I found the porn he left me for a week for my unwillingness to believe that it wasn't him. Well now two years later I find out that I was a fool to believe him since he was him.<P>Just my experience. I'm sure everyone is different.

Hi. I have an up date. I found my husband and he came back home today. The major thing that we are dealing with now is rebuilding my trust and our marriage. He has agreed to start going to counseling. But now I'm dealing with the hurt and pain. I have also noticed the distance that is growing between us because of it. I guess its all my fault though. I just can't get it out of my head. I find myself pushing him away. I'm a very sensetive person and normally it takes me years to get over anything as dramatic as this. I can't keep pushing him away and tearing myself up inside for years. Any tips of how to recover and rebuild?