first time post a message and hope see some light here.I just find out 3 weeks ago that my H have an affair with his co-worker after 5 years of wonderful marriage. He wants to divorce me and to be with the other woman. I move to New York city one and half years ago because my job and he was looking to relocate there till Nov. 2000. Then things started to get out of hand. The affair have been on and off soon after I left and during those time the OW went and got married. Just after 6 months of marriage,she filled a divorce because her husband is abusive. And now she want my H to deiorce me and to be with her. I am following Steve's suggestion- plan A and my H was trying to relook at our marriage till yesterday(3 weeks). He told me that after 3 weeks of trying with me, he did not feel any different for her and he only stay with me now, because he is trying "to be sensitive in my diffcult time" and he is still plan to fill the papper soon. He is trying everything to not hurt her but me( that why he is not trying with me anymore-a tear phone call from the OW). He said he still love me, but he have to make a choice and by staying with me he is going to lose her and he do not want to lose her. I told him that 3 weeks just not enough, but he said it will not make a different. I had my first doze of anti-depress medic. yesterday and just sit here and wait for My H to decide when my time is up.<BR>What should I do? Still try plan A, even my H only stay with me to be nice? I feel all the hope is gone. Any body out there have a similar sitution? Please help me, I had try to hurt meself several time last week, but the love and hope keep me alive. Now, they are gone too. Will there be any hopes or am I just dreaming?

Welcome <B>trying to live</B>...<P>You've made the right step by getting in touch with Steve...<P>...now that you're posting here... there is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do stick with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... as long as you can... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>3 weeks is way to short for a good Plan A...<P>Come here for support...<BR>...ideas...<BR>...a place to vent.<P>Try and put the focus of Plan A... to make a better YOU!<P>You are not alone!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Trying,<P>There is always hope!I don't believe in hopeless situations anymore. If we try and fix them ourselves they are hopeless but, if we give them to God to fix nothing is hopeless.<P>You wanted to know if anyone else had a similar situation.<BR>there are LOTS. Please go to this site and read the testimonies. This is were I learned about hope.www.restorem.org. Your hope will sore as you read about many women that has been in this same place. Please remember it takes time for things to change. Divorce is not an end to anything. Besides if this OW was really commited to the relationship with your h ,then why did she marry during this time? There is hope...unstable relationship.<P>I will pray for you and your marriage. <BR>gentle

Trying to live,<P>My situation is not exactly the same, but I can empathize. I agree with the poster who said that if she wanted your H so much, why did she get married? I don't know if you are a religious person or not, but there is a prayer in 1 Chronicles 4:10 that is awesome. Recite this prayer everyday and God will help you. <BR>Do not try to harm yourself. That is the worst solution ever. My brother committed suicide when I was 4. He was 16, my sisters were 17, 14, and 13 at that time. It is 26 years later and my family is still devastated. My parents divorced a year after that and I cannot talk about it w/out crying. I miss him even though I was little. Now I have a 4 year old who asks about my brother in some of our old family photos. My mother and father will never be the same because he did this selfish thing. I am not trying to be harsh to you, but you must see that it will hurt people so much.<P>To the best of my knowledge, my H had an EA that lasted about 3-4 months. I have only been posting here for 4 days now and it is wonderful. There is so much support here and Dr. Harley's advice is awesome. I plan on buying his book this weekend. Keep coming here and know that we are all in a similar situation and somehow we will all make it. It hurts so much, but through prayer, support of this forum and your own friends and family, you will make it. <P>Take care and God bless,<BR>Window

thanks for let me know that there are some one who cares.I will try my best for Plan A, although I do not know how much time my H is willing to give me. Some people said - one day at a time. I will pray for every min. I have with him and till the end. <BR>by the way,about the OW : her relationship with her husband of 6 monthes is bad, and she is filling a divorce now. My H told me that if the OW's husband is a nice person, the opportunity will never present itself. And he think they are mean to be. SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gentle:<BR><B>Trying,<P>There is always hope!I don't believe in hopeless situations anymore. If we try and fix them ourselves they are hopeless but, if we give them to God to fix nothing is hopeless.<P>You wanted to know if anyone else had a similar situation.<BR>there are LOTS. Please go to this site and read the testimonies. This is were I learned about hope.www.restorem.org. Your hope will sore as you read about many women that has been in this same place. Please remember it takes time for things to change. Divorce is not an end to anything. Besides if this OW was really commited to the relationship with your h ,then why did she marry during this time? There is hope...unstable relationship.<P>I will pray for you and your marriage. <BR>gentle </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>dear gentle the web site <A HREF="http://www.restroem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restroem.org</A> does not work. can you look it up for me and see if it is correct. I would love to able to check it out. Thanks. <BR>trying to live

Can't be of much help, only to say that I've been through something similar. It's been 2 years now and we're finally to the "almost recovery" stage. I say that because we've been through "false recovery". That means that he said he wanted to work it out, but never got Her out of his heart. When the heart changes, the body will follow. I wish I'd not let him "sit on the fence" so long. Should have implemented Plan B. My H moved out to get his head together. I think it's working, but it's been soooo hard on me and the kids (and even him). If she's in his heart (even a little bit) you can't heal. Wish I'd have really known that before. Hearing and doing are two different things! Hang in there and trust your intuition.

Dear Trying...<BR>I read a book recently (Infidelity - a survival guide by Don-David Lusterman Ph.D.) and it talks about how affairs exist in a bubble where the real world can't get in. They only see eachother's best sides, and never have to deal with the routine's and stresses of everyday life. When they do take the step to be together (live together) the bubble tends to burst, and they begin to see eachother's flaws - they realize that they can't be happy together, and the relationship often ends.<BR>This helped to give me hope - I realized that even if my husband chose to go and be with her, there was still a good chance that it wouldn't work out, and he would come back.<BR>Stick to your plan A...and if he does leave then go to plan B.<BR>Work on yourself, and show him what a wonderful person you are...HE WILL MISS YOU!!!<BR>There is always hope. (my husband is home now)<BR>Hang in there, and come here for strength whenever you need to.<BR>The people here really do care, and will try to help you in whatever way possible.<P>May God Bless, and may God give you strength.

Trying to live,<P>My dear, we hear you! I am choked up now and you are a total stranger. There is love to be had in this world. Don't you ever hurt yourself! you have been hurt enough. I have realized over the last 6-7 weeks that I have no strength. I AM weak. It is only God who supports me. You cannot lean on your H now. It's like learning to ride your bike all over again. It's scary. Just remember you give yourself the gifts that really matter. Give God to yourself.<P>Care for yourself, we all do.

Trying,<P>It worked for me. Try the full address.<P> <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org/home.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.restorem.org/home.html</A> <P>I do hope this works. I know the testimonies will help you feel better.<BR>gentle