thankyou so much window, I also have not seen anyone else with small children. Mine are almost 3 and almost1. I looked up your other pages and I left off at you found cell phone calls and he said he wouldnt talk to her, is that where you are now? My H and I had a really big fight last night. I am glad you said he was nice to you all the while. My husband was sooo much sweeter when he was having A, he bought me perfume and cards and said he could never be without me - MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE-. He also got her a valentines card. He says its over and he wants me but its so hard to believe. He says when I get off weekends and we can spend fun time together all will be well. I dont think it will be that easy. I do love him, although I dont know why. He is an excellent father, and can be a really good friend and lover. Oh, our sex life never suffered through the A. He said I was crazy and paranoid. I am going to get my cell phone bills THAT I PAY FOR, I dont know why he has already confessed and it will probably just hurt more. I am such a strong independent person I cant believe I have been brought down to a sobbing mess.<BR>Anyway, now to quit whining, I work baylor shift , so I get paid more to work 2 twelve hour shifts, I would need to work at least 6 days a month agency to cover bills (12 hour).<BR>I am still looking for child care 1 or 2 days a week please remember this in your prayers. Daycare here only lets you go full time, which I dont want especially for the baby.<BR>gotta go baby crying who knows what 2 yr old is doing!!<BR>thanks again everyone.<P>------------------<BR>L.

Pretty much that is still where we are. She called him on Monday to "see how things were" and he told her that we were working things out and not to call him anymore. He still maintains that it never went past an EA. He claims that he is not suffering from the withdrawal that Dr. Harley talks about. Maybe he is just sparing me any more pain, but I of course hope it is true. I am reading SAA and HN/HN. I am hoping to sit down with him tonight and go through our EN, so that we start the recovery proces. <P>Our sex life never suffered, either. As a matter of fact, I thought it was better. Now I wonder if he was thinking of her. He bought me stuff, too. He bought me a digital camera for Christmas. Right around when this all started he bought me a new wedding ring that is huge! I do have to say that he has always liked buying me things, though. His dad always lavished his mom with gifts and my H learned from him. <P>He says they never talked about feelings for each other or anything like that. They just talked all of the time. Maybe as a nurse you can understand one of the things he said. He said that he is quite passionate about his profession and he cannot really talk to me intelligently about it and he could with her. He is a cardio nurse and is quite good at what he does. He was assigned to train her and she really looked up to him, went to him for advice, and admired his abilites. He said their talks started as him asking her what she learned that day, how she could improve her skills, etc. I know that she is very unhappy in her marriage, her husband pays no attention to her, so they were both getting attention they needed.<P>I know how hard it is to believe our H's now. I am so suspicious of everything. I feel so insecure. It is terrible. I cannot stand how this has made me, either. I cannot focus on what I need to do for my business. I just had to make a decision that I want our marriage to work and I have to move on. I looked at all of the cell bills, it hurt, and did not help, but I felt that I had to do it. Now that I have that knowledge, I hope that I can start to heal.<P>Maybe you could find a nice old lady to take care of your kids. When my oldest was a baby, I had to work. We had the sweetest little old lady who came to our house and took care of him. 2 1/2 years later she still loves him and sends him gifts. She never turned the t.v. on while she was there. She just played with him and gave him her undivided attention. It was the best thing for us at the time. I know how hard it is to leave your children. I had to leave my oldest in day care for a while after we moved away from the town where the lady was. It was horrible. I won't give you all of the details. <P>My mom is also a nanny. She didn't live near us at the time or she could have taken care of my son. Anyway, she is in her 60's and is wonderful w/kids. I bet you could find someone like that. My mom works for one family who has triplets part time and is looking for another part time job. The lady w/the triplets posted an add in her church bulletin for my mom. So maybe you could check with some larger churches for a recommendation. I think that older women are perfect for kids. I hope you can find someone or something that you will be comfortable with. It is so difficult having small children, meeting their needs, and meeting the needs of our husbands.<P>Take care and good luck,<BR>Window

Window,<BR>Not that Im saying nice things about my husband - but - <BR>he always talks with me about my work and the details he doesnt understand are either not important or I explain them, and before he (your H) says I must be a regular nurse, Im not, I do critical care as well and probably better and in bigger places. I have also trained many people but they never had a reason to call me at home.<BR>have you done that emotional needs questionaire?<BR>It made things more clear for me and H.<BR>I want the little old lady you had! I have already called 3 churches and put the word out but no response, but that is exactly what I want, and I need to find it soon as I have already turned in my notice at work.<BR>My mother in law has been so super through all of this, taking the kids more often so we can have time top "work on things" (fight) haha<BR>well better go its late chatlater<BR>hope you have a great day tomorrow I will say a prayer for clarity and peace of mind for window.<P>------------------<BR>L.

Your MIL knows? Mine would probably blame me! I don't keep the house clean enough, I haven't lost all of the weight from my second son, I am too preoccupied with my kids, blah, blah, blah! See, I already feel like that. She would probably be upset with him, but it would come down to being my fault. <P>I know that what he says is just excuses. I have always tried to listen about work, but I can understand how it is a better conversation with anothe nurse. I will try to listen more, though. We have not filled out the EN questionaire yet. We have the books, but haven't really had time yet. I wanted to do that last night. You can check out my new post, "Does it ever stop hurting?" to see that last night turned out to be a complete disaster. <P>I am babysitting today, so I better get my kiddos fed. Take care and I will say a prayer for you, also. I am having a tough time today, so please remember me in yours, also. Thanks and take care.<BR>Window

my MIL knows, she knows I would not have been so upset about nothing, and then asked "is there someone else" I said "not for me" so she figured it out I guess. She said it happened to her and she knows how much it hurts, and that she loves me like a daughter and was behind me 100% - <BR>can you believe it? she is a saint.<BR>H and I went to see preacher yesterday, it was weird, he asked about sex life and all. We both kept saying to every area he asked about - thats not a problem - I bet he wondered why we were there if we get along so good. hehe<BR>Thur was really bad but today was better, H trying to be attentive and reassuring, Im still paranoid as heck.<BR>see my other response under does it stop, I said a prayer for window.<BR>I guess this happens to so many people but you never realize it, you always think never me, then wham!<BR>Then you find out sooo many people go through this but cant believe their pain could be as great as yours.<BR>will check back later tonight, who knows this rollercoaster changes every couple minutes I might be a mess again soon!<BR><P>------------------<BR>L.