window<BR>In our "tell all" world, we often think we owe an explanation of our situation to everyone we know. The fact it, you don't owe anyone anything. It is enough to say that you are under some stress right now, but are working on it and would appreciate their prayers. If you have a couple of people who do know the truth and can be counted on to be discreet, then you can lean on them. Telling too many people is too likely to backfire and you don't want to have people always watching and waiting for something terrible to happen.<P>I guess the bottom line is that just about any type of emotional, mental or physical thing that you experience in these early days is normal. What you have suffered is a real shock to your system and the inability to concentrate and the anxiety are part of the effects. I believe it is important to recognize and acknowledge the depth of the wound you've suffered. When you can do this, you can begin to heal from it. It is real and it takes real care to heal from it.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum but not new to this topic. My H is the one who had the "emotional affair" (let's put it this way, they did everything else EXCEPT have traditional sex) and we are 1 year and 4 months past D-day. To answer your question from the standpoint of the devoted Catholic wife? No, it definitely never stops hurting. It's a pain you carry with you for the rest of your life. I think of our relationship as having had cancer. We are now in remission. Will that cancer return? My husband is the only one in control of that. I try to do my best to be the perfect wife, tend to all of his needs and keep a perfect house and perfect life. Prayer helps alot. Frankly I think that God is our only recourse. They say that we're supposed to learn from all these tragedies and grow stronger from them. The growing stronger part has me terribly confused. He's sucked all the life out of me with this one.........

Hey Window,<P>Getting better all the time! I hope you are still too. This is one #e!! of a rollercoaster! It's really true that you have to tailor all this advice to your own situation. Is it hard to wonder if you have uncovered all the truth? We always wonder if there is more, but that is ultimately a decision made in the heart. Good luck<P>God Bless<BR>Invictus

Thanks for checking up on me, Invictus. (And thanks everyone else for writing). I am down again today. After my son's b-day was over on Sat. I started to come down. I think I had so much to think about with that that I put this all back. Now I don't have the party to worry about and the pain came back. It's a little different, though. I don't feel like crying. I just feel like maybe staring at the wall or going to sleep for the whole day. <P>I am glad to hear you are doing a little better at least for the day. Yeah, as I have maintained, the roller coaster sucks! I get tired of being the one to be really trying. Do you? It seems so unfair. I know that if I don't try, though, we'll end up in that same rut again. So we make the decision to either try or give up, right? <P>Have a great day. Sorry I am not so eloquent today. You know how it goes!<P>God bless,<BR>Window

Hi Window:<P>I have learned an interesting thing from this forum. The BS carries the lion's share of the "trying". And yes, this seems totally unfair. How is someone supposed to process the pain and hurt and be fun, interesting, attractive, attentive, etc? What I have told myself is this: do it for yourself. It's hard to give love to someone who has hurt you. But each time you do it, you become more powerful. You become stronger. Do these things with confidence, and hold your head up, whenever you can. Be real and share your hurts, but be equally prepared to share with your H. when something great happens. Even if it's a successful party. When your H. sees that it is possible for you to feel joy, he will feel that he can give you joy. <BR>God bless,<BR>Robyn

Robyn,<P>I used to have a roommate named Robyn (with the "y"). Anyway, thanks for the thoughts. You are right of course. I don't feel very fun. I have 2 kids that I am responsible for. I can't just run off and do fun things. I can't always sit on the phone for an hour. I am trying, though. I haven't posted much lately because I don't feel like I have anything positive to say. I don't have any advice. I appreciate everyone's optimism. It is amazing that so many people see light at the end of this tunnel. <P>Thanks again!<BR>God bless,<BR>Window

I am so happy to find this forum. I have no one I can speak to about this.<BR> I caught my wife 4 weeks ago tonight with a video stakeout in the woods behind a local hotel. It was with a person I was doing business with (while we were doing business). I suspected for several weeks but bugged her computer to get the facts I needed. I caught them on their 4th encounter. She arrived first and went into the motel lobby. I emerged from the woods and caught her there. I got her out of there fast.<BR>We have been together for 7 years and were married two years ago. My life is shattered. What’s worse was that D night was our 2nd anniversary. <BR>I have agreed to rebuild our marriage if she came forth with all the facts that I didn’t have. I demanded full disclosure. Over the next several days she gave up the rest of the painful story, which was supported by the evidence that I had been gathering.<BR>She is very remorseful. I truly believe that she had no idea of the level of pain this would cause me. I know that she would take it back in a minute. She has given me her full cooperation in an attempt to save her marriage from a stupid mistake, and Im working with her. During the first 3 weeks she was like a rock, supporting me when I needed it most. The last week or so I have been getting worried. This experience has had a devistating effect on her. I can see the guilt consuming her, and believe it or not, Im helping her now. We are still head over heals in love with each other. We both have a lot of healing to do.<BR> As I said, my life is shattered. It was 3 days before I could eat anything at all and lost 20lbs in 3 days. I slept maybe two hours in those 3 days. I also cried during the entire time, including breaking into tears in my employers office when I attempted to return to work. (Im 6ft, 260lb male). I blamed it on a family death.<BR>Four weeks later things are a little better. I have finally wrestled control of my emotions but the pain still digs like a knife in my belly 24/7. God, is there ever going to be any relief???? I keep getting mental images of them together and they get stuck in the pit of my stomach.<BR>I’ve decided to stick it out with her regardless. God, I hurt…..<BR>

Dear Brkn,<BR>I am so sorry for your pain. You are in the right place here. Everyone is very helpful and supportive. Right now you need to read as much as you can. I am reading Dr.Harley's "Surviving An Affair" and my H is reading, "His Needs, Her Needs." These are great books. There are also links on the website to how an affair should end, etc. Many of the senior members have such wonderful advice. My D-Day was only 3 weeks ago now. I never feel that I have much good advice only support. I think it is great that you are sticking with your W. She may be in the "fog" or going through "withdrawal". That makes it really tough. Take care and God bless,<BR>Window

Hello Window: I hope your sadness disappears soon. The beginning of last week was one of the worst since finding out 3 months ago. My counselor thought I would have to be hospitalized. Since Saturday, I have felt much better. I am focusing on me for a change. My counselor is helping a great deal too. Are you seeing one? I love my husband with all of my heart and I want our soon to be 18 years of marriage to continue. But I realized last week that I do not want it to continue the way it has been in the past. Somehow that realization has provided me a small measure of peace. Of course we still have the children to think about. But they can't be happy, thriving people if their parents are not committed to rebuilding their marriage and making it better in every way. The painful part for me is I think I'm ready to start while hubby (WS) is still in withdrawal. I'm going to try to give him the space I know he needs, while loving him all I can. With the Lords help (and all of yours) for today at least, I believe I can do it.<BR>God bless all.

I am feeling a little better, thank you. I am willing to put it behind us, forgive him, but just not sure how to forget. We are really working on spending more time together. We are going to a baseball game this weekend. I am really excited about that! I love baseball games. I hate watching on t.v., but love the games (too many years of cheering in h.s. and college, I guess). <P>We are not seeing a counselor. There is simply no $ for that. Our insurance doesn't cover it at all. We are reading SAA and HNHN. I am more willing to follow the rules to the letter, but he wants to modify. I pointed out that we could at least try it for a while and what is the worse that could happen? We could have a better marriage, right? I know he is trying. <P>It is so hard with kids, I know. I don't want to neglect them, but if I continue to only concentrate on them then my marriage suffers. I think they are better off getting a little less attention from me then to have their parents miserable. How old are your kids, Breakingslowly? Ours are little. <P>I am glad you are better this week. It's so amazing how you think you're doing really well and then all of a sudden, bam!<P>Well, I better run. I have to take my 4 yr old to MDO.<BR>Thanks again.<P>God bless,<BR>Window

I agree, the pain does get better, but I do not think it will ever go away. Sometimes it is like an itch that needs to be scratched, and you can not quite get it. But, since I have choosen to have a great marriage, I do not dwell on the pain. Just say, "yep it is there, and think of happier things", I know this sounds childish, but it works for me. I like the reference to cancer, and the relationship in remission, it really seems to fit.

window,<BR>I am pleased and relieved to hear that you are feeling a little better. I hope you enjoy the baseball game with your H. I have often felt not-quite-right posting in this forum because my BF and I are not married. But you should never feel as though you shouldn't post because you are low and feel you are not contributing. There are many people here who care about what you are thinking and feeling. Think especially about some of the passages HGBrawner has written. These can give you strength. Your children are little now, but soon enough they will exhibit more and more independence. So yes, I agree that balancing their needs with your husband's needs (and your own!) will create a happier family overall. I wish you all the best<P>Robyn

Hi Window:<BR>My children are 13 and 16. They are at the age where my hubby (WS) and I were supposed to be enjoying more freedom. Instead my world is torn apart by his MLC (dday 3 months ago tonight...Valentine's night). Yesterday I began by feeling the strength of the Lord. As the day went on, I could feel the energy to be strong leave my body. I get so tired of pretending. All I want to do is talk to him, but at this point it is a LB. All I want to do is reach for him at night. But I'm reminded of him saying "I don't want to be repsonsible for your hapiness". After 17 years of marriage...so very sad. Sitting here in my office, I can feel the tears begin to fall. I will not visit this board again today, but I wish all of you the best day you can have. Window, you especially...be strong, even if I can't today.<BR>God bless all of you and your families...I guess I really am breakingslowly. <BR> <p>[This message has been edited by breakingslowly (edited April 18, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by window:<BR><B>I understand about the physical pain of this. It makes me nauseous (sp?), have difficulty breathing, etc. <P>Frootloops, my H's A was an EA, that took place mostly on the cell phone. So, I understand counting the minutes that it takes him to get home, but I am constantly thinking, "Is he calling her?" I know that he knows that I check his phone everyday and he knows that I will look at the bill with a fine tooth comb, so I don't think he will use that phone to call her. <P>As for transferring, he cannot. It would be extremely easy for him to get a new job, but right now we're waiting to find out if he needs back surgery. I want him out of that place so badly, but realistically if he needs surgery he needs to stay there for the illness leave benefits. They no longer work on the same floor and he tells me if they so much as pass each other in the hall. She knows that if she contacts him again, I will call her H and tell all. I think that may stop her. I hope.<P>K9, it doesn't seem very sensitive of your H to still be teasing other women when he knows how much this hurts you. My H has always been a flirt, but I think he is really aware of how his actions effect me right now. Of course I am not at work with him, so it could be the same as usual there for all I know. <P>He just left for work. I want today to be a good day. I have so much to do today. I hope that fear, insecurity, pain doesnt' come.<P>K9 you wrote, "He did tell me that after getting away from her and thinking about the whole situation he realizes it was "Just Sex" Now I am not stupid, after many years of marriage ours is not new and exciting. Is this going to happen again? Now that he's experienced the "rush" is he going to go there again? He says he will do what he can to ever keep it from happening again. How in the world can you believe in them again? "<P>I know we have been married much less time, but I worry about him wanting the rush, also. I have been trying to be more daring and spontaneous for him lately just so that is something he doesn't have to get outside of our marriage. I know it is making him happy. I still don't know what need the OW was meeting for him, though, so I don't know how to fix that. I guess it was a combination of admiration and conversation. <P>The baby is awake. Take care all. I hope we all have a good Monday!<P>Window<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I, too am trying very hard to recover from my husband's affair. It was with a very good young friend of ours at church. She, too, is married. They broke it off nearly 8 months ago, then he started calling and "running" into her again until it was finally broken off for good...6 months ago. It's been the worst ride of my life. I, too, wanted to die and asked God to take me. I never tried suicide and won't because of my children. We've been married for 16 1/2 years and this has been a living hell, in all seriousness. We are now seperated for the second time. At first we were seperated for 3 months, and now it's been 2 weeks so far. He professed love to the other and never professes love for me anymore. He says there is something there to keep him around. We tried some counseling apart and together, but he won't go back, for 2 reasons: money and he says he knows what he's supposed to do, but just doesn't do it. I thank the Lord that he answered my prayers of moving this woman away. She's gone from our lives. She, too, is trying to work her marriage out. We have many common friends though they all have stuck by me and we try not to bring her into our lives by talking about her. I've been praying for a miracle, as well as my children. One miracle is that he has agreed to attend our church weekend marriage conference this weekend. Though my thoughts grip me often and sometimes I feel great love for him, and other times I feel seething hatred for him, things have gotten better. I can't believe I've made it this far. I thought I might even die of a broken heart. He's starting to wake up and see the world which he tore down. I have had much support and couldn't do it without them...thank you God! I place my life, husband, marriage and kids in His hands daily and He gives me the strength, and loving, caring people, to carry on!

<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HGBrawner:<BR><B>It does get better...I promise. It's been three years now for us and the pain is gone. Now, if I "go back there" and concentrate and dwell on it, I can dig the pain back up, but why would I want to do that? I well remember the feelings of it just being too hard and wanting to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and never come out again. I don't feel that way any more.<P>What I'm saying here is that healing is part time, part effort. At some point....and for most of you this point is still a few months in the future....you have to decide not to hurt any more. You have to face the truth...the affair happened and you can't change that....and face the demon head on and put it out of your life. I know this seems impossible right now....and that's okay. You will be able to do it when the time is right. <P>I suggest that all of you get the book After the Affair by Janis Spring and check out the chapter that lists the physiological effects of an affair on the wounded spouse. You will see that the nausea, lack of appetite, interrupted sleep patterns, inability to concentrate, overwhelming fear and paranoia, and a whole list of other things is normal. I know you don't want to be normal, but you are. I remember crying when I read the list because I finally knew I wasn't going crazy.<P>For those who have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I encourage you to turn fully to Him right now. For those who don't....I encourage you to consider seeking him out. I found trememdous comfort and direction in my faith...God particularly spoke to me through the devotional book Experiencing God Day by Day by Henry Blackaby.<P>I also found help in writing down my thoughts and making lists of the things I was angry about and the positives in my marriage since the affair was revealed and ended. This helps to process those thoughts that seem to take over your mind and keep you in confusion. <P>Tell your spouses what you need from them in this process. As much as we want them to, they aren't going to "just know" what to do to help you. And for most of us, the new habits we need to learn to heal and strengthen our marriages aren't going to "take" with one try. It is going to take reminders and effort for a while, but you can both make it.<P>Talking about the affair is important....it helps to dissect it and remove its power from your lives. But it is equally important to have some fun and dream of a happy future. You can cling to the dreams when times get tough. <P>This is a crisis that is not only survivable, it is one that you can triumph over. It is within your power to rebuild a marriage that will be magnificent and fulfilling for both spouses. And, no, you don't give credit to the affair for that, you give credit to God and each other for staying the course when it would have been easier to run.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>What an incredible inspiration you are! Like I just said on a previous reply, it's been first 8 months, then 6 months ago for me. Jesus is our only hope to make it through. He has brought me this far. My husband and I have been taking the Experiencing God study at church and are almost done with it. It's been painful and enriching. It's been difficult for him because of his all around lack of committment right now. I can praise God though for the good things. I still struggle daily with thoughts that have to be conquered, but I'm daily giving it all to Him because I am just not strong without Him. Thank you again!

BREAKINGSLOWLY:<P>How are you doing? My D-day was March 6th. H had an A with coworker. I also have two daughters....and I can relate to what you wrote. Sometimes you think with all the years into the relationship things are going great and then something like this falls out of the sky and just sabotages everything you believe in and worked for. We are trying to work at our marriage but it is very difficult. It's hard to <BR>trust him again. How are you dealing with trust? How are you dealing with your kids? My girls don't know all but have an inkling what's going on with Mom and Dad. We spend so much time talking and crying (me) over the A he had. He ripped my heart out. I've lost weight....it makes you sick. <BR>I wish you well in working out your relationship...it's hard. Take care.<P>SHOCKER17

Hello Shocker:<BR>I am not successfully dealing with any aspect of this. At best I have maybe a few good minutes per day. It's been two months and we have not made any progress except I think the contact has stopped. But I'm afraid to ask...major LB. I used to spend most of my work day crying in my office. Now I do it in my beautiful bedroom every night while he is downstairs with our children. I have become an absentee mother most of the time. I have to force myself to interact with my children who thankfully are independent.<P>Last night something strange happened, after reading a few pages of Torn Asunder and my usual crying, I asked God for some peace. Not a miracle or that my husband's (WS) fog begin to lift, but just for a little peace. He answered me in the form of about 4 hours of sleep. That's more than I have have had since dday 2 months ago. I woke up and felt that He had touched me. All this from a person (me) who is not religious. You wouldn't believe the bibles in my house, office and car (ha, ha!)<P>I realized about a month ago, that I cannot get through this by reading, going to a counselor, spenidng my time on MB or even talking to hubby (which is not an option these days.)I need a higher spirit so I am searching for it.<P>As for trust...that is one of the hardest parts to come to terms with. I trusted him with my life and that of our children for almost 20 years. I want to begin to rebuild the trust that has been violated, but he won't let me try. <BR>I am glad that you and your hubby are at least worknig on your marriage. I would rather have that kind of pain than the pain of not moving in either direction.<P>Shocker...it's hard to be strong isn't it. I just want to give in to the pain and disappear. In fact, I have made plans to get away by myself (if hubby won't come. It will be nice to cry in new bed for a change.<P>Sorry for being so down, but if you search for my posts, you'll see that I have been this way for a while, with no end in sight.<BR>When you just want to wallow in the pain...send me note. Perhaps we can help each other.<P>Note to Hubby:<BR>If you have been reading these posts, I wish you would tell me. I would love to talk to you. Instead I rely on these fine folks day and night to help me through this. Ignoring each others pain is not helping you,me or our children. I still love you and I want to work on us.<P>Take care Shocker and I'll add you and your beautiful daughters to my prayers.<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by breakingslowly (edited April 20, 2001).]

Hey mkgirlusa! I do MK, also! That's what's making me so mad about this A. I was really trying to get into car qualification and now I don't even want to pick up the phone to call my customers. I haven't been to my success meetings since I found out 3 wks ago. I can't seem to leave my H when he is home from work. My director and I are pretty good friends, but I cannot tell her what is happening. I just told her some bad stuff is going on and I can't seem to do much but cry. I know she is disappointed because I was one of her top consultants. I would be helping her by heading for my car and directorship, but she is understanding. That's what MK stand for, right? God, family, career! Right now God and family are all I can handle. <P>I hate when there is more than 3 pages to a post because I cannot scroll down to read what everyone has said. If there is a way that I don't know about someone please tell me. <P>Robyn, thank you again for your concern for me. You're so sweet. I hope that no one belittles your situation w/your BF. I think it is important for you to work out your feelings as much as anyone else. <P>I had a BF who cheated on me several times when I was younger. I think it is part of the reason I have a hard time trusting now. I had learned to trust my H over the years, though, and now he's ruined that. He is really understanding about my mistrust. He can tell when I am doubting him and he says that it's ok because he realizes that it is his fault.<P>I hope you are all doing well. I love to hear from all of you. I am doing pretty good the last couple of days. My H is having a hard time at work and I tend to take his moods personally. I told him that and he said that he is extremely happy with us and I have nothing to worry about now. We have both been working on each other's EN's list and I can see such a difference. <P>I, too, attribute my finding out about the EA to God. I saw his cell phone out of place and had a feeling to turn it on. Also, when my H was promoted to supervisor back in Jan. he wanted to be supervisor of the unit where he worked. He was given another unit, though. He was definitely more qualified for the position than the girl who got it, but he would have still been in direct contact w/the OW. I believe that God lead him away from that unit to save our marriage. Since he continued talking to the OW even after switching positions, God lead me to hear those messages.<P>Take care all!<BR>God bless,<BR>Window

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by window:<BR><B>The flood came last night. I have been pushing it back since I found out. I was so scared that when it came it wouldn't go away. I get so insecure when my H is late or doesn't act just right when we talk. I was feeling pretty low last night and my H fell asleep right after our kids went to bed. To his credit the dr has him on some new muscle relaxers for his back and they knock him out! Well that was all it took. I really felt like I needed to talk with him and have him hold me. I went to the family room and started sobbing uncontrollably. I cried for about 3 hours straight. I would stop for a minute or 2 and then it would just start again. I woke up my H because I truly felt that I was losing it. He tried to wake up, but had a hard time. Finally he held me and calmed me down. I woke up this morning crying again. I cannot even look at him w/out crying. The pain seems unbearable. I feel like I am no good for anyone right now. I prayed for God to just let me die last night. I am certainly not a good mother right now and I am probably just chasing my H away. It seems that I have no purpose. Don't worry, I am not suicidal. I feel very strongly against that. I don't feel like I can go on. I think that my H feels that I am crying to manipulate him and make him feel bad. That is so far from true. I just love him so much and this is so painful. The thoughts of him calling her in the middle of the night, all of the time, bombarde me. How do I ever make those thoughts go away? How does it ever get better? Thanks in advance for the replies. Window</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

To: Does it ever stop hurting (and everyone else who feels this neurotic trauma)<P>If you have to break down and sob uncontrollably - do it. I found out a year ago beginning of June - he lied to me - I can't believe he was lying - I told him exactly what was going on and he would not admit it. Then I caught him - on the d. AOL Instant Messenger - with the "lover" a family friend - I knew her - she had just spent 3 days with her daughter at our house - they needed a place to stay. I could not believe what I saw - them sitting on the couch together - her arm on the back of the couch sitting next to him - in HIS PERSONAL SPACE. Next day he showed her a picture album, his dad had made for me for Christmas few yrs back. I was so mad - that was personal. I know they are pictures of him from baby on up, but his dad gave them to me, and he had no right to show them to her. I knew it right then - I wanted her out of my house! We went to a sports bar Saturday night, he acted like a dog in heat running to sit next to her at the table we all sat at. He completely ignored me. I can't believe I let her sit in the front seat of our car on the way home. Next day he showed her to the college & was gone all day - I was GOING CRAZY!!!! God sent me to my neighbors house & I broke down on her doorstep - she is a Christian - she told me about "The Five Love Languages". At that point, I had to say - "If anybody ever told me my marriage would be on the rocks 13 years later I would have thought them crazy" - not my H. and I. Later I got even with AOL Instant Messenger - I deleted it off our computer. <P>I caught him, within the next two weeks, I discovered many other revelations - it wasn't too hard - he left many stones turned - why was he was so dumb? I checked up later to make sure nothing is going on. I really am working on not doing this anymore & trying to trust him. It is hard not to snoop - just to verify - it just makes me wonder what is he doing?<P>Very Important - the night after I found out - I did the same thing - I BROKE hesterrically (sp) - I sobbed like I was breaking apart - my insides were being ripped out - I woke him up too - to talk with me. Our relationship was so turned around - I did not understand him at all - nothing made sense. He was so negative - not the positive person I knew and loved.<P>It has been a year in June - three weeks ago on the weekend he threw something around in the garage (venting frustration), and my hurt came right back - I felt just like it happened. I did good for a couple of weeks, and then just on Tuesday I went blue again - and I walk around feeling like I want to cry.<P>I thought we were different, our marriage was different - I thought he was a different type of man. I always felt so secure with him - like he would never leave me and we would be in love forever. I naievly thought he would never cheat on me. It is not like he was thinking with his (you know what), because he is not that way.<P>A friend of mine told me her minister said "If you put your faith in man, you'll be disappointed everytime". That sums it up for me - my H. disappointed me. My world is disappointed, I hurt inside everyday, I don't feel like I have anybody to talk to - my good friend - I don't want her to get mad at me, because this is the only thing I want to talk about. I don't want to socialize - I don't want to talk to neighbors, I just want to stay by myself, and with my H. and children, and the people I work with. I have a terrible, painful face, I hardly ever smile, I hardly ever laugh - and IT'S BEEN A YEAR. I absolutely HATE this other person - I can't stand her now - to think I once really liked her, and her parents. <P>You have to be so careful - I cannot believe she did this - sending him e-mails, etc. My husband told me the night I found out that she was his soul mate. I found out he bought her relationship cards, I saw them. He told me later she sent him cards. I just would like to read them and see what she wrote him. I can't believe another woman went after my H. I can't believe another woman fell in love with my husband. That is not their right. We had our Marriage Vow. After 13 years of marriage, two of his children, and taking care of him. My husband has agreed she and her parents are gone from our life - but I can't believe why this happened. He was looking for emotional support - but like everyone else - I was there - in our house - he spent nights and weekends on the d. internet/computer/e-mail. When they went for a walk that Sat and Sun night - did they kiss? I asked him over and over and over - did he make love to her - he always tells me "No". I have to believe him.<P>Anyway, the point is, if you feel torn up inside, acknowledge it, let it feel that way, so that you can get better. If you have to cry - cry. If you have to hate the other... I sobbed, I didn't sleep, I felt horrible. I don't like my face looking so blue - but, I am not myself right now - even after 10 months. I know eventually, one day, I will feel better. But I also acknowledge that I will never forget this. I just want him to come back to our marriage stronger than before, which is happening slowly.<P>I know I love him, and I love our family, and I will work to change our marriage. So, Does..., just take it a day at a time, and work on making yourself happy inside. I know that at this point, you cannot feel that. Eventually you will know why this happened to you. Maybe God's message for my H. and myself was to correct our marriage. For some men, maybe it is different, so I can't speak for yours. Just know that there are others out there with like pain, we cry, we sit, we are unsleeping; but we cry a little less, and sit a little less, and finally begin to sleep. And eventually be ourselves.<P>------------------<BR>