Hi, A few weeks ago I noticed that my husband had started to behave very strangely - he was cold towards me and unusually snappy at our children, we have known each other for 20 years and been married for almost 17. I put it down to him being under immense pressure at work. Gradually I noticed that a particular name kept cropping up in his conversations - I shall call her 'T'. T is a staff consultant who had been helping my husband find new staff for his office. I knew that my husband had been out for business lunches with T a few times, but now I discovered that they were also lending each other CD's - which my husband was listening to constantly. About 2 weeks later we held a party at our house, T and her husband were invited, she was very pretty and very bubbly. My husband spent almost the entire evening in her company - even to the extent that they spent a whole hour lying on our family room floor together, browsing through a photography book that I had bought him for Christmas. I noticed the way he looked at her and the ease of their conversation and my suspicions were more or less confirmed. After the last guest had left I confronted him with it. He cried and told me that he had never meant for this to happen, he told me that they were just good friends, he had felt abandoned by me for the past 6 months and had found that T shared common interests with him and was easy to talk to. He said that he had no sexual feelings for her whatsoever, he never even thought about her in that way. He said that she was probably his 'best friend' right now and did not see why I had a problem with this - after all, if she were a man I wouldn't have a problem would I?. I told him that I thought he should stop seeing her, that it was a very very dangerous situation, but he said that he had done nothing wrong and why should he give up a good friend just because I felt jealous? He pointed out that one of our mutual friends, Steve, had been close friends with two women for years and that his wife was fine with that. He did agree that we needed to spend more time together - we moved to America just over a year ago and lost all our family support as regards babysitting - we have no time together on our own now and any conversation we try to have is always constantly being interrupted by our children. He insisted that he carry on seeing her as a friend and promised me that he would never be unfaithful. It is two weeks after that party and things have escalated - he met her a week ago for a business lunch and I found that I couldn't cope with the emotions I was feeling over that. Last Friday I discovered that I was pregnant, which is unplanned and very unwanted as neither of us wants any more children. I have always been against termination as a convenience measure, but only to be used in extreme circumstances. My husband was now insisting that I terminate this pregnancy, and although I felt that this was the best decision, I was also feeling somewhat forced into it without too much thought. I was very shaken by the discovery and my husband had to drive me home. He held my hand and told me that he would be there for me, that we would see this through together. He then said that he would have to keep his dinner appointment with T that evening (a purely social engagement) as he needed to sort out his feelings once and for all and sort this whole mess out quickly. I felt abandoned in a time of crisis, but agreed to him going. After he had left I rang the local abortion clinic for some details. I was totally horrified at what they told me - my husband had convinced me that I was just terminating a 'ball of cells', but the clinic told me that I would have to wait until the foetus showed up on a scan before they could terminate - by that time I realised the 'ball of cells' would have a heartbeat, fingers and toes. I was extremely distraught and tried to call him several times, but he was not at the office. I presumed he had gone to meet T early and get this over and done with. At 9.30 I got a call from T's husband to say that he had followed them to the restaurant and had seen them kissing in the carpark, he had lost his temper, beaten my husband up badly and the emergency services had been called. I was in shock and panic - my husband is a haemophiliac and any head injury could prove fatal with internal bleeding. I frantically rang round the hospitals until I found him - luckily he was OK and able to talk to me on the phone. He said that he would be back in a couple of hours. He then said that T was still with him. After the initial relief that he was OK, I was now getting very angry with him - how could he do that while I was sitting at home sobbing my heart out over the prospect of an abortion? About an hour later, he rang again and said that he was not coming home and that he would book into a hotel. He had lost his car keys, was very beaten up and needed to sort himself out. I was furious, I needed him to come back and account for himself. He turned up the following morning - and told me that he had now sorted out his feelings for T, he was in love with her, and she with him. She was going to leave her husband for him and she had spent the night in the hotel with him - although he says nothing happened, he was in such a state it was physically impossible and she was just there to look after him. We spent the day being very destructive to one another, I booked a flight home - then came to my senses and cancelled it. I was not going to whisk my children away from the security of their own beds and surroundings, just to sleep on some relatives couch. I also admitted to him that I had ripped the felt off his beloved pool table when I was in a rage the previous night, I apologised to him for doing this, but he was furious with me and said that he wanted me out of his life. I stated again that I was staying with my children, in their own home. He decided to leave instead and planned to spend the night in a hotel, but ended up spending it in hospital again as he was still bleeding from a cut inside his mouth. He returned to the house again this morning (Easter Sunday). I had calmed down a lot and I apologised for all the things that I had said and done to hurt him the previous day. I told him I still loved him and no permanent damage had yet been done. He said that he needed time alone to think and has booked himself into a hotel for 1 week. He does not plan on seeing T during this time and has not had sex with her yet, as far as I am aware. He has offered to continue to help me through the termination by looking after our children and driving me to and from the clinic, as I will be sedated. They declared their love for each other during a time when they were both drunk and Rod was under extreme emotional distress, all these factors have given me some hope that our marriage may be saved. I am convinced that this is just a symptom of his feeling neglected, although he doesn't see it that way at the moment, being 'blinded' by love. I have e-mailed him a letter which explains exactly how I feel about the situation - that we have talked so much and so deeply to each other the past couple of weeks, that I feel I know him much better now. I understand exactly how this situation arose in the first place and realised that I had been concentrating on being the perfect mother and housewife - and forgetting that the most important thing was to be a wife, lover and friend to him. I said that if there is the slightest glimmer of hope for our relationship that I wanted to try and build on that with him. I also said that we should not rush into any decisions so soon after such an emotionally devastating week. <BR>This evening I found the Marriage Builders website - Gosh, how I wish I had found it before all this happened! I now have a much clearer idea of the why's and wherefore's of it all, but of course, cannot at this moment share it with my husband - he has to make the decision to try again first. Do you think there is hope for us? I am wishing and praying that he will decide to give it another try, despite all the hatred and resentfulness he feels for me right now. Any advice on how to proceed would be so welcome - I can contact him by e-mail and am hoping that he will call me occasionally over the next week. I will also be seeing him on Thursday when he looks after the children while i visit the clinic. What are the best things to say to him, and do, to try and salvage this situation? Thanks!

Oh - another question, I've just read about 'Plan A/Plan B' and realised that I've completely screwed up on this one already, by all the fighting and spitefulness that went on between us on Saturday! How on earth do I now put Plan A into action - or have I already started this by writing him the letter? I do intend to follow Plan A from this moment on - but is it too late?

Paintbox,<P>I am so sorry for all that is happening to you. Please do not go to that clinic unless this is what you want. I will not judge you for your decision, but please be sure it is yours and yours alone.<P>I believe that all of us are allowed a freak out moment or 100 on d-day. We are after all human ! Why is it that the betrayed is supposed to remain sane while our worlds crumble I will never understand. So you had your moment. You apologised stop beating yourself up. Plan A starts now. <P>I wish I had more time tonight but my H wants the computer so I will get back to you tomorrow. Tonight I will pray for you and your family. <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Paintbox,<BR> I am sooo sorry all this is happening to you. Get ready for a bumpy ride. Look around here and you will find everyone talks about the rollercoaster, you will love him to your core one minute and hate him the next. You will also find out hurtful things one word at a time, and just when you think you know everything, BAM something else! I am not saying these things to discourage you, but so that you will know you are not alone. Dont worry I dont think any normal person can do plan A all the time. Just try and stick in there and when the anger comes, come here to vent.<BR>I will pray for you tonight also. The pregnancy must make this even more emotional/hormonal I will pray for a sense of peace/calm. You also need to know there is hope,many others here have found a happier marriage after the A. I am about 1 month into this and couldnt imagine a more horrible pain than finding your world is not what you thought. Remember he is in a "fog" and you are left with the responsibility of keeping a clear head, its so not fair.<BR>good luck<BR>Also, when I found out I printed up "how affairs start and how they should end and the emotional needs questions" and gave them to my husband to read. He could see himself in every page and also the questions showed me clearly what I needed to work on.<BR><P>------------------<BR>L.

Paintbox:<P>My husband confessed to an affair about five weeks ago and we've been married for 17 years. It was a shocker,,,,therefore my name Shocker17. The only thing I can tell you is that it hurts like hell...but there is hope if the two of you WANT to make your marriage work. I don't know if you read the book Surviving The Affair....My husband and I read the book together....He has left the OW and swears he will have no future contact with her. I have told him if he does.....I will separate from him. This promise I will keep. We are working DAILY on our marriage. You have to work real hard at it. I have two girls....a teenage and a first grader. It's hard sometimes when the kids are around but we try to find time to just TALK. My husband had the affair with OW because he needed to TALK!!! Go figure.... I was always here but somehow she gave him something I couldn't. Maybe it was coming home to the noisy house, laundry, etc...... It was an ego boost for him because she said and did all the right things. My husband has made the decision to terminate all COMMUNICATIONS with her. But....what scares me...is I read all of these things in the forum to find that several months later the affair is reactivated. OW works with him and that sometimes upsets me but I will give him another chance. When you have 17 years invested in a marriage..two great kids...you have to try. <P>Let me ask you this.....other than what he has done....when you look back does the good outweigh the bad??? If he has been there for you in the past but just screwed up this time......look at that. My husband is a great dad....and I always thought a very honest person until this was revealed. I've looked back over the last 17 years of my marriage and the good outweighed the bad, so we're trying to reconcile. <P>If the bad outweighs the good.....you may want to do something different. I wish you luck in reconciling and stay strong. Make sure you give yourself time to do the things you need to do to make yourself feel better. It hurts like hell and even after five weeks I get BAD DAYS when all I can do is think of the two of them together. Sometimes it feels like someone has reached in a ripped your heart out. I've had problems sleeping for almost a month, problems eating, concentrating, having patience with my children, housework, concentrating at work....you name it. <BR>It's hard sometimes to get up somedays and get through the day....but work hard...and talk to each other. He needs to be HONEST with you and vice versa. Tell him how you feel.<P>I can only say I'm taking it one day at a time. We do make plans to do things together in the future and that helps us to look forward to our time and not DWELL on the A. WE've both made the decision to move forward but my H WILL allow me to talk about the A and he does answer truthfully. SOmetimes the truth hurts but it allows me to know what he was searching for......I wish you well. GOOD LUCK AND STAY STRONG!!!!<P>SHocker17

Paint:<P>Please - please - please - do not kill your baby!!! This baby that you created together did not do anything to deserve to have his/her life terminated!!! I know that this child will be a wonderful blessing to you in the years to come - so I beg you - please do not do something rash in the face of all this emotional trauma that you are experiencing! Please look at your children. Ask yourself which one you would have killed. I know that you will say that you could never, ever kill any of those precious little ones. Realise that by having an abortion, you will kill your own child - your own flesh and blood - the seed of your husband - the fruit of your love.<P>Now - as to his affair: Yes - I know the pain you are suffering. I just found out 3 weeks ago that my husband had been unfaithful. He always denied it too - but I found out that he was lying. If I were you - I wouldn't believe they have not had sex. I would assume, seeing that they spent the entire night in a hotel together - that they had already consummated their relationship. <P>Paint - she is a seductress sent by the enemy to bring about destruction in your marriage. If you are a Christian, I highly recommend that you begin by praying this woman out of your husband's heart and mind and life. Then begin to pray for your husband to come to his senses, for yourself - to be able to forgive - and for God to get ahold of your husband and bring him back home. Divorce is a very, very evil thing. It destroys the children, destroys the two people who loved each other and totally annialates the family. <P>I am seeing such wonderful blessing in our marriage because God is answering my prayers! My husband is home - totally recommitted to God and we are working through this terrible tragedy! Praise the Lord!<P>I pray that God will minister to your heart is this time of immense pain. I pray also that you will NOT end the life of the baby in your womb. God has a plan for this baby, and I pray that you will decide to bring that plan to life. I also pray that God will grab your husband by his heart and bring him back home to you and your precious children. In the Name of Jesus! Amen!<P>Cling to Jesus - He is your only salvation!<P>Be God's <BR><P>------------------<BR>"For I know the plans I have for you - plans to prosper you - plans for good and not evil to give you a hope and a future" Jer. 29:11

He read my e-mail!!! Another small step in the right direction, I hope. He rang me this morning to see how things were, I asked him if he had read the e-mail letter and he said that he had. He sounded calm and quiet. I told him that I had made the decision to go and see the doctor today, to get some anti-depressants to help me through the next few weeks. I told him that I was coping OK, but needed just a little extra strength when the kids were playing up - I am not being very patient with them at the moment. When he heard i was coming into town, he asked me if I would pick up his new contanct lenses for him and I said that of course I would. He said to take them back home with me and he would pick them up. Other positive things I have done today is to go and see the school counsellor about the children's traumatic weekend, and I managed to do some laundry and tidying-up - small things, but as you all know, it's so hard to do things such as cleaning and cooking when it all seems so insignificant compared to what is going on in your life.<BR>The decision to terminate is mine - at first I wasn't sure because I was feeling forced into it, then we had a major fight and I got a lot of anger out of my system on Saturday afternoon - immediately afterwards I just lay down and slept I was so exhausted, but when I woke up again I felt really focussed and able to make some clear decisions - that was when I decided to cancel the flight and stay, and to go ahead with the termination - a very hard decision, but it was truly my own decision this time and the main reason that I am 'preparing' by getting some anti-depressants now. I know that I am going to find it very hard to cope with, but also certain that I do not want another child. My husband is NOT a good father at all, never has been - he knows it and I know it and everyone else knows it. I have spent most of my parenting years feeling like a single mother. I know that a lot of what has happened, although not the childrens fault, has been partially due to the fact that there are children around constantly, demanding my attention all the while. He has no patience with them at all and I have noticed this has been building up even more recently. I have also noticed myself getting resentful of my children - simply because they are coming between us all the while and we never get any time to ourselves. If he decides he wants to work at our marriage, I know that yet another child demanding my attention would completely ruin any chances we may have at rebuilding our relationship. If we end up divorcing, then I cannot begin to rebuild a life for myself with a baby in tow. From the child's point of view, they would have been born out of misery, and may well realise that they are a just a burden. Children need to be loved so much, not resented. I cannot be that cruel to a child, especially when I am finding it hard not to feel resentment at the children I already have. The only thing that was keeping us going was the knowledge that in just 5 years time, my eldest would be old enough to babysit her sister and we may get the chance to live our own lives for a change. I have had desperate needs in our marriage that are being unfulfilled by my husband, and I have just realised that the needs we are longing for are the same ones: conversation, companionship, fun, adventure, recreation - he has simply 'cracked' before me, and sought them from another woman, while I have just gotten depressed about not having them. I am not willing to put these things on hold for another 16 years, then find out that we are too old to enjoy them. I know that I would resent this child if it were born and I believe that option is far more cruel than termination. Of course - I look at my sweet girls, fast asleep at night and suffer heartbreak that I could do this to their brother/sister, of course I am going to feel regret, and of course I am going to need to grieve for this child, probably for the rest of my life. But I can also honestly say, that I love this child far too much to allow it to be born, knowing that I would resent it.

I do not want to anger you at all. I wasn't going to write to you because I do not feel up to offering advice. I am very low right now and you need the advice of some of the older members. I just ask you to consider all of your options about your baby. There is always adoption. There are so many couples who desperately want a baby. It would be hard to give up the baby after carrying it to term, but wouldn't it be better than killing it? Children are a gift from God. I hope you will reconsider. Like I said, I do not want to anger you. <P>As far as your problem with having no childcare, you could try a babysitting co-op. Meet some of your neighbors and switch off babysitting. You can make coupons that are good for one hour/child and you and the others take turns babysitting. I know you said you were from another country, so if you are not familar with this I can get into more details. I had just one woman that I babysat shared with. She took care of my children on Tuesdays for 3-4 hours and I took care of hers on Thursdays for the same amount of time. There are so many ways to get around not having $ or relatives for babysitting. If you are creative you can find a way to have time with your H. I have hired a babysitter a few times and if my H complains about the $, I tell him that divorce is much more expensive. If we don't take time for our relationship then divorce would be a possibility. There is even cheap recreational activities. We played putt-putt yesterday and that was really fun. <P>That is all of the advice I have today. I hope that one of the older members writes to you soon. They all are so helpful.<P>God bless,<BR>Window

paint,<BR>I am not going to give an opinion but do want to say this is not the time to make any life changing decisions. I also have small children and feel like if we had no children this awful thing wouldnt have happened and at times resent them just a tad, but I think this is an honest feeling that most mothers would never confess to. They just drain you so much. I also have no child care but have been more liberal with letting my children go with others now that my H and I need this time to work on our relationship, IT CAN BE DONE, even on the tightest schedule/ budget. One thing we have been doing is getting the kids to sleep 1 hour earlier and staying up 1 hour later together, its better than nothing.<BR>good luck, I prayed for a sense of peace for you today and tomorrow.Keep reading and posting - it helps.<P>------------------<BR>L.

My prayer is also that you would consider adoption rather than killing your baby. "Terminate" is the politically correct term....in reality what is happening is the taking of a life. It isn't my desire to be harsh or unfeeling, but I do have to be honest and say that I believe you are adding to your husband's mistakes by chosing to kill your baby. There are many couples who would dearly love to take this child and love it and raise it in a happy home. Why not give it that chance?<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Paintbox, I differ from the others here in that I am MB's token pro-choicer.<P>And now I'm going to turn the others on their heads. <P>I am butting into your thread for one reason: Because my H had one of those "friendships", and much of what you described in your first post sounded a lot like what I went through, only your situation escalated far beyond that.<P>What you said they told you at the clinic:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I was totally horrified at what they told me - my husband had convinced me that I was just terminating a 'ball of cells', but the clinic told me that I would have to wait until the foetus showed up on a scan before they could terminate - by that time I realised the 'ball of cells' would have a heartbeat, fingers and toes. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>...is absolutely, positively false. This is the kind of information that "right to life" groups who run bogus "abortion clinics" give you to keep you from aborting until it is too late. These "clinics" operate by stealth and it is often difficult to tell what they are. However, what they told you is a dead giveaway.<P>That said, I am concerned about whether you are in any shape right now to make this sort of decision. At the very least, I would advise you to obtain counseling as you navigate this minefield. Are you ordinarily pro-choice in your philosophical leaning? If not, you should very carefully evaluate whether terminating the pregnancy is something you can deal with. Only you can decide if this is true.<P>For the time being, if you are early on, you CAN get RU-486, if that is what you choose.<P>But please get some nonjudgmental counseling to sort out your feelings. Your H has demanded that you terminate; now try to find out what YOU want to do. A lot of things can happen between now and then. I'm not the sort of person who believes that when a man sees a baby he falls in love with it. Some do, many don't. Yours might. He might not. Adoption is always an option if you choose to continue the pregnancy.<P>So you see, folks, "pro-choice" is NOT about mandatory abortion, it's about women being able to make their own choices.<P>And I for one will support Paintbox in whatever she decides.<P>Now, back to your marital situation. Yes, there is hope for you. You have already made some discoveries, that men are often very needy creatures, and that children can often make us neglect our spouses. (I didn't have that excuse, I was merely finishing my graduate degree.) You have already recognized your role in the breakdown of the marriage, and that is an IMPORTANT FIRST STEP towards healing it. <P>Your H is pretty far gone in his EA, yet he seems to have some glimmers of reality peeping through. He has not gone completely over the edge, and if you START ACTING NOW, you can probably see fairly rapid progress. You have good insights into the situation, and you're right: your H cracked first, or he lacked the self-discipline you had.<P>One thing that you are BOTH going to have to work on in time is making time for each other. Whether you have to hire a sitter, park the kids with relatives, or whatever, you MUST make time for each other.<P>In the meantime, you will have to avoid lovebusters. It's not going to be easy. You are going to want to pummel him to a pulp. I want you to buy or get from your library the Harley's books SURVIVING AN AFFAIR and HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS. Also look for a book by Susan Page called HOW ONE OF YOU CAN BRING BOTH OF YOU TOGETHER. This book is great for couples in which one party is doing all the reconciliation work. The premise is that all relationships consist of action-reaction, and that if your actions change, his reactions must change.<P>And feel free to come here and vent, ask questions, and get support.<P>Good luck to you, Paintbox.

Dear Dazed and Confused - Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! I was almost getting to the stage where I thought that this board may not be the one for me after all.<BR>I am....pro-very,very,careful choice, if you see what I mean. I have real strong issues with ladies such as Marylin Munroe, who used abortion as a form of contraceptive device, but I believe that the choice must be available for those of us who have made this decision after a lot of thought, and for our own best reasons. I was not tardy about contraception, and I was not aware that the contraception we were using had failed. Part of the shock of finding out I was pregnant was due to the fact that we could not believe how on earth it could possibly have happened - we still can't work it out.<BR>I am writing to another message board about my termination, so I will try and avoid discussing it here. The other board is for women who are grieving after having a termination, and I am getting a lot of support from them - including those who have ultimately regretted their decision. We can only base our decisions on what is right for us at this precise moment in time - no-one can ever know whether that decision will still be the right one in the future.<P>Anyway - my marriage. My husband is still adamant that he wants a divorce. He says that he wants to have love in his life again - and not with me. I chatted to him about the fact that I wanted the same things and we learned a lot more about each other. I used to be a very fun-loving outgoing person, but for some reason I got the impression that my husband was slightly embarrassed by some of the things I did, so i stopped doing them. Because I stopped doing them, my husband assumed that I was shy and self-conscious and so he stopped doing them too. Hence the sad fact that we can go to Karaoke's together and sit in stony silence all evening, neither of us daring to embarrass the other by getting up and singing! Ridiculous isn't it? Anyway, despite my assurances that I wasn't really like that, and was a totally different person when I was out with my girlfriends, he firmly believes that it has gone too far to be repairable, he simply does not love me any more and never will. We have discussed divorce - I managed to keep it friendly and peaceful!<P>I am now going to try something like a cross between Plan A and Plan B: I am going to let him go, completely, and accept that he may never return. I have been trying desperately to hang on to him, and all it's really doing is backing him into a corner and making him feel even more suffocated. So, he will be getting an apartment with my blessing after this week in the hotel, and I will get on with my life to the best of my ability. I intend to get a babysitter (or ask my husband to babysit - now there's a novel idea!), and go out and have some fun for a change. I have a friend who likes the old karaoke.... I also think he could do with some practice at 'having his kids for weekends', in preparation for when we are divorced. At the same time, I will be having experiences that will make for good conversations with him - hence fulfilling one of his needs...and we will see what happens. Even if it doesn't 'work' at making him think twice about divorce, at least I will at last be getting something out of him other than dirty washing and whiskers in the sink! I am also making myself think of all the advantages to being 'single' again, like regaining control of the TV remote and being able to have a cat. (he hates cats).<P>I did buy 'His needs, Her needs' today - even if it's no good for this relationship, at least I'll have a head start on the next one <P>Will let you know how it's going, Paintbox.<p>[This message has been edited by Paintbox (edited April 16, 2001).]

Don't kill the totally innocent life that God has blessed you with please.

Paintbox, please e-mail me: filmgeek55@hotmail.com, to discuss further.

What amazes me is that you aren't even giving this child a choice!<P>Have the baby - I'll adopt it!<P>I was adopted and I am sooooooooooooo thankful that my mother gave me the chance to live. So are my children, who would never have had life if my mother had killed me in her womb.<P>It is your choice paint - but I pray that you make the right choice - which is life! Choose life that you might live - and that your innocent child might live too. <P>Many women that I've spoken with who have chosen to kill their babies have never, ever gotten over it. The guilt they live with on a daily basis is far worse than anything they have ever experienced in their lives. The only relief they seem to have is that they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour, and they have received His forgiveness. <P>With all that you are going through now - I would hate to see you add this tremendous guilt to your plate. What will your other children think when they discover that you killed their brother or sister?<P>You have a lot to consider.<P>BTW - it is never, ever just a ball of cells - life begins at conception!!!<P>Be God's!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>"For I know the plans I have for you - plans to prosper you - plans for good and not evil to give you a hope and a future" Jer. 29:11

PLEASE do not pressure Paintbox at such a difficult time in her life. If she chooses to keep the child that is up to her as is abortion. Paintbox, I am really sorry for all you are going through. Be strong for your and your children's sake. <P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BeGods:<BR><B>What amazes me is that you aren't even giving this child a choice!<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I am also very carefully pro-choice. To throw terms around like "don't kill your baby" and crap like that to this woman who has come here seeking our help is awful. This is about marriage problems, and she is making the best choice she can in her situation. Now everyone needs to back off on the abortion thing. Good luck Paintbox. You make the best decision for your situation that you can. I'm sure it will be right for you. Good Luck!

Ok - if you'll read on, I also said this . . .<P> It is your choice paint - but I pray that you make the right choice - which is life! Choose life that you might live - and that your innocent child might live too. <P>I am praying - not judging. Paint - you can do what you want - it is entirely up to you. <P>I too am in a pit of hell in my marriage! I totally understand your pain!! The only difference I can see between us is, thank God, my husband decided to come back to God and to repent. I pray that your husband repents also. I pray that you and he can come to a place of reconcilliation. I also pray that you will do the right thing concerning your baby. I pray that you will not decide on this now while your emotions are on a rollercoaster ride. I pray that God heals your wounded heart as He is healing mine!<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BeGods:<BR>I pray that you make the right choice - which is life! [/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You just couldn't let it go one more time without injecting your opinion??? <P>That may be the right choice for you, but who are you to JUDGE what is the right choice for Paintbox? Like I said earlier, why don't you just let this issue drop? If you don't want to judge, then don't judge...simple as that.<BR>Paintbox has enough to worry about right now without you trying to guilt her into making a choice that is legally and ethically hers to make.<P>

Why is it considered perfectly okay and right for people to talk about "choice" and "termination" and ending the life of an innocent baby.....but it is being judgemental and wrong and harsh for talking about choosing life and giving an innocent child a chance to live. It is okay to have and voice the opinion that abortion is okay, but it is not okay to voice the opinion that abortion is wrong.<P>I haven't seen anyone here judge this woman's worth as a human being. The only thing I have seen is people judging the right or wrong of an action. If it is okay to believe abortion is right, then it is okay to believe it is wrong. If it is okay to believe it is "just a choice", then it is okay to believe it is killing. Voicing an opinion isn't being judgemental.<P>I've read too many cases where women chose abortion and suffered emotionally for years and years afterwards. It is extremely dangerous to make such a huge decision while in the midst of another emotional trauma. I don't believe in standing in the street screaming at women who are entering abortion clinics, but I believe very strongly in trying to help them see the wisdom and humanity of letting the child within them have life and the chance through adoption to grow up with two parents in a loving home.<P>I hope this person finds the healing she seeks. She is suffering a terrible trauma. But I cannot in good concience imply that I believe abortion is a good choice....particularly in these emotionally unstable circumstances. I have as much right to voice that opinion here as anyone else does to voice a different one. <P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31