<P>Hello everyone,<P>I hope everyone is doing better. As you discover the truth about your life here, remember that both the WS (wayward spouse) and the BS(betrayed spouse) have been living in a reality other than truth. Some of us face the music faster than others. It is important that you NOT lie to yourself. Also be patient that your spouse has time to face the music in their own time. You can't chase away the OW(other woman) or OM (other man) and you can't force someone to learn the concepts on this page or in a book. God bless everyone!<P>Invictus

Invictus -<P>So very true! One thing I learned through my H's fog is that I can't control a darn thing other than myself. Of course we learn as we go, but if I could go back (and I don't ever want to go back to that time) I would let go much earlier. By letting go I mean I would have stopped white knuckling the marriage sooner and not do the begging and pleading that I did. I would just take a step back and work on myself, which I eventually did, and the results were much more positive.<P><B>Breathe & Relax ~~ Recover, Refocus & Regenerate!</B><P>It's hard to do when you are in crisis mode and paniced, but it's something I learned along the way. It has been over a year since d-day!<P>Good luck to all and my prayers are with you!<P> <P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL>

Invictus...great message. I have also learned that one setback does not "ruin" all of the rebuilding you are doing. Just pick up, dust off, and resume. As you know, I have a fiance and I believe he had a brief (although we are unmarried) affair prior to the engagement. Since the engagement, I have seen no concrete sign of any further betrayal, but I now feel nervous to let him out of my sight. (I do of course - there is work, errands, etc.). Will this feeling fade?<BR>Invictus, I hope that your w. is responding well to the positive outlook you have taken. If you want to share her reaction, I'm here!<P>hugs,<P>Robyn

I found out my husband is having an affair about a month ago and we have been in theraapy since. He is out of town on a project but the girl is here. When I found all this out he had flown her up there for a week! My therapist is telling me to be patient and not push because he is confused and isn't going out of his way to make all this right. He says he wants to work it out but that he doesn't know if we can. He says he was missing the "intimacy" in our marriage and doesn't know if he can live like that even though I have said I will fix those problems. I hate it because I want him to say he is sorry and that he will do whatever it takes. He says he wants it to work and that he has broken it off with her. How do I believe him after 4 months of total lies?? I am tired of being patient and not puching him. Any suggestions???

Pray to God for the strength of the Holy Spirit. It is all that has supported me.<P>First of all, I am not much better than you at this. This chat board gives us both much needed objectivity from strangers. <P>It also gives us a place to vent and weep. So weep with me. I know your pain. It is far greater than anything you will experience again. That means it will only get better.<P>Read surviving an affair. Buy it from this website it is cheapest here. READ IT NOW. Also read the "four rules of Love" found here. There are Articles and "Basic Concepts" on the front Home Page that will help you greatly.<P>You are not as lost as you think. There are many here to help you. I am so very sorry that you have gone through this. Have patience and follow the blueprint of the Harleys, just don't forget that everyone does this recovery thing differently. <P>God bless and cherish you greatly!