I have posted my experience in a previous post. My D-day was March 23, funny how the date doesn't leave your mind. My H ended the A immediately and completely. He is sorry and we have been working at making it better. We are reading His Need, Her Needs and both in counseling. We see the same counselor both separtely and together. I can't say it is easy, but I do see some progress. I am on anti-depressents as I also have a mother with Alzheimer's that was diagnosed in the last year, cancer, and my job has changed significantly. I had thought my marriage was my stable spot and the A put me over! <P>I have told no one buy my therapist and my doctor about my H A. Many people at his work know as it was a co-worker and now he is having a significant amount of problems there. He has been on administrative leave for about a month and we are not sure what will happen with his job. <P>I just received a call from my therapist. She is starting a group for betrayed spouses. It will be 4 or 5 people in similar postions. Has anyone done this? I guess I am just trying to get a feel for whether this is something I would benefit from or if it would just too hard and uncomfortable. <P>We are also trying to find a marriage encounter weekend. I would love to go to the MB one but it is so far away. We are on the west coast. I do think this would be beneficial for us. <P>Any advice?<BR>

I believe a support group could be a big help to you if there are boundaries and clear goals set for it. I would assume that your therapist would "moderate", which would be an absolute necessity. A support group shouldn't be a place to go and "trash" your husbands, but instead serve as an outlet for your pain and a way to get support from other people who truly understand where you are. My husband and I have talked with our friend in the marriage ministry about starting a group for couples who are rebuilding, but so far the timing hasn't been right.<P>Have you checked on Retrovaille? I believe it began as a Catholic sponsored retreat, but have heard that it is quite good and you don't have to be Catholic to go. I would suggest doing a search on the internet with the word "marriage" and see what you come up with. The authors and marriage counselors who might have something can be found online as well. I know that David and Claudia Arp have a site, as does Gary Smalley.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Sites to consider...<P><A HREF="http://www.wwme.org/new.html" TARGET=_blank>World Wide Marriage Encounter</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.retrouvaille.org/" TARGET=_blank>Retrouvaille</A><P> <P>Jim

I always wished there was some sort of support group in my area. I didn't want to tell a lot of friends and family and thought it would be a great way to deal with the pain and confusion.<P>I guess I always thought of these forums as my support group although at first my H didn't see my need until I mentioned that this is anonymous and a need for me. <P>I want you to know that it does get easier and those dates do fade from your mind. I never thought I'd forget the date of my H's 1 night PA or dday, but I did. I only know they both occured the weeks just prior to our wedding.<P>Time heals!<P>Take a moment to breathe...<P>... take a moment to relax!<P><B>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE!</B><P>I wish you continued success in your healing and recovery for yourself and for your family!<P>God Bless!<P> <P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL>

sr:<P>Your Dday and mine is very close...mine is March 6th.<BR>H had affair with coworker too. They work in separate<BR>departments and separate buildings. I am still having<BR>a hard time dealing with the two of them. I actually knew<BR>her also and she is married and the OW and her H would<BR>come over to our house occasionally. So I know what<BR>she looks like, etc....so I'm still kind of comparing which<BR>I know is not GOOD!! But I keep doing. Need to move on.<BR>I'm working on ME. My self-esteem is very low. I've lost<BR>weight..not a good way to shed lbs!!! <P>We are trying to work it out. He seems very willing to<BR>put our marriage together. He told OW it's over and now<BR>swears it will never happen again..... How do you handle<BR>listening to words like that???<P>Well, have to get my two girls off to school. Talk with<BR>you later. STAY STRONG....WE CAN ALL SURVIVE THE AFFAIR!!!<P>SHOCKER17

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sr:<BR>[B]I just received a call from my therapist. She is starting a group for betrayed spouses. It will be 4 or 5 people in similar postions. Has anyone done this? I guess I am just trying to get a feel for whether this is something I would benefit from or if it would just too hard and uncomfortable. <P>Hi, Sr!<BR>First, please let me say I am very sorry for your pain. My own D-day was Nov. 21, 2000, and you are right--it's a date you just never can forget.<P>I just recently joined a support group here in my city and was told about it through a resource that had nothing to do with marriage. In fact, it was through a senior citizens' group that my mother belongs to that I met a CSW who in turn put me in touch with this new support group. It's amazing how networking can actually work! I found out that asking questions is the best way to learn what may be available in your area. So far, I've been to two meetings and let me tell you, they were wonderful. Although each of us have different stories to tell, each of us knows the pain and horror of being betrayed by our spouses. <P>You can read the thread I started on the "Just Found Out" place on this site. I think I titled it "The Calm Before the Storm?" and a few of us have actually formed our own little support system. There is nothing like having someone know what you are going through. It helps in ways that are often surprising. Now, I feel much more confident in myself and have stopped blaming myself for my H's indiscretion.<P>Good luck to you, Sr. Don't give up hope, and if you can find a support group in your area, by all means, check it out!<BR>Hugs...<BR>winny