Aftershock and Shocker<P>Yep, D-Day was Feb 6 of this year. Yep, I still think about it all the time. The only time I don't is when I am thinking about something else. Makes no sense does it?<P>I too will be doing just fine and he'll say something and it comes right back to me, I have to bite my tongue because my reply is not nice.<P>For instance a few minutes ago he was complaining about how his knee is really giving him trouble and he hopes it doesn't ruin it for his skiing.<P>Well, guess what, he was with her for four months, telling me each time he'd go out of town that he was skiing.<P>You don't know how hard it was for me not to smart back with "Yeah, I guess you blew it this year with all the F***ing you were doing instead of skiing.<P>I guess we are pretty close to the same ages, I turned 40 this year, 22 years with this man. There are still so many times when I just want to strangle him.<P>My H too kept me sooo busy doing his stuff that I wasn't available for him. What an ironic twist. Not only do I hate what the A did to us but I resent the sh*t out of the fact that he put sooo much on me I had no time. You see I was trying to be the Perfect wife. Yep, what a joke. I felt that as much as I did for him there was no way any other woman could come between us.<P>I have since changed this thought process. My brain is now working. I have boundaries.<P>Well, gotta go, lots to do tonight.<P>Take care

K9Love:<P>It was nice hearing from you. Yes, last year I was DOING it all too, and that probably contributed to him straying since he put so much on me. I can relate to what you said. SHuffling the kids everywhere, keeping the grass cut, the house cleaned, the groceries in, working my job, writing out the bills, etc. You name it I did it!!! My H told me the reason the A started was because I had alot on my plate and he did too!! He would talk to the OW about problems we had...things he didn't like that I did. I replied to him "how could I have changed if I wasn't aware of the things I was doing to annoy you".? He realizes now that nothing was getting solved with OW and ended the A in June of 2000 but they remained as he says "JUST FRIENDS" until I found the note in December of this past year. I have a question for you. He sent her an Email at work so he says that he does not want any communication and claims he has not seen her or spoken to her which I believe. I truly feel that I would like him to write a letter to her (just like the books say you should do) and then I want to make sure her husband receives it and gives it to her...what do you think. He keeps telling me he will write the letter and it's been three weeks now. Everytime I remind him he keeps saying he just is busy but he will get to it. I'd love to know how you feel on this request of mine?<P>How are you doing overall? Where is your relationship at right now? My H has been so involved in everyday life. Helping around the house (which he never did last year), helping me with the bills, grocery shopping, etc. He keeps telling me he wants to be there for me!! He also keeps saying we are going to make it through this!!! <BR>\<BR>Take care and good to talk with you and AFTERSHOCK.<P>SHOCKER17

Aftershock:<P>No, I do not think your request is in the least bit unreasonable. He sounds so typical in wanting to put if off though.<P>I guess you could simply say, "Hey, I think we need to sit down and get this letter done because I don't want to have to think about it anymore and I want our relationship to move on".<P>Nothing like forcing an issue and getting things done as I say.<P>It had to be devastating to you for him to remain in contact with her. The common sense part of my brain tells me my H and the OW have no contact, but the "Nothing made sense to me through all of this" part says he is.<P>Our relationship is really strange right now. As I have said he is living next door. So, all the things I told him needed changing, for instance, helping me around the house, I have not been able to put into action. Nor have I seen what he will do.<P>He is taking care of himself completely, less meals, he's doing his own house cleaning, laundry, what dishes he has and paying his own bills now.<P>He is taking care of the yard now, which is another thing I always did. So that is one thing I can see a change in.<P>Originally,. when I asked him to move out, my contention was I couldn't go on "life as usual" with him. I wanted him to know I wanted change. Also, a part of me wanted to justify the 4 months he went to her.<P>I figured he could dang well live over there for the length of time he played around.<P>Well, the time is getting close now, I mentioned last week when are we going to move back in together. His reply was "I want you to be absolutely sure" Later, after going out to eat he also admitted he enjoyed the "newness" of dating me, that he enjoyed it.<P>So basically, he's hesitating on moving back in. I won't ask again. I don't know if it's a man thing, if because I made him move out that he expects me to point blank tell him I want him back or what.<P>Unfortunately, we are both bull headed.<P>