I took some action. Since my post, I have become very unhappy with my efforts, courage and choices about this.<P>I engaged BF in conversation Tuesday night. I began by explaining to him that he and I were very different. Whereas he is a calm, even-tempered, mellow person, I am passionate, articulate, able to dose out love and support but need loads back in return. <P>He said that he is fully aware of this and it's a part of me he accepts.<P>He saw that I had been crying and he asked me, "what do you need. I'm ready to help."<P>I told him one of my greatest fears was that his coping with my high-maintenance emotions would erode my value in his eyes. I have been hiding, repressing and shouldering my fears and worries because I felt this. I loathed to be seen as a high-maintenance, distraught nuisance. I told him that from time to time I need reassurances that may seem redundant and I need to verbally connect with him about the relationship.<P>I told him that I want the job of meeting his needs. <BR>He told me that he felt we are together because we can meet one another's needs.<P>I told him that in future, as we work through our engagement, I will have questions, concerns and thoughts and I do not want to bottle them up.<P>Finally, I addressed what opposite sex relationships outside of a marriage mean. We talked about what each of us feels is appropriate and safe. The criteria matched. I could tell from his eyes that he knew I was alluding to the other girl who has presented us with problems. <P>For those of you that have followed my posts, you know that I have hid all of my feelings and discoveries from my BF. <BR>Acknowledging my anxieties to him was huge for me. <P>I will begin sharing my feelings with BF, because I understand that it does not make me a blemished fruit.<P>Wishing breakthroughs and success to those who need them most.<P>XO<BR>Robyn

Robyn,<P>Nice job. You needed to talk with him. He cannot read your mind, and you surely cannot read his. I hope this opens the dialogue you need.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hi Robyn,<P>You have really been a great, great help to me. I believe you were there for me just when I needed it. Now let me care for you some. <P>It's been awhile. I had to circle around and let my tail catch up with me.<P>I read your post. I never realized you hadn't said much to your BF. You really must speak plainly and let the chips fall where they will. It's not as bad as your imagination is want to tell you. My W's number one problem was not speaking to me her fears and lies. She is now beginning to do that. You are no fool. You claim to be passionate, well grab the passion of chance and let the truth out. Just don't punish him for his response, and don't retaliate if he LB's you for the honesty. Mutual care and patience, consistency and trust. Pray alot first.<P>God's Blessings<BR>Invictus

Invictus,<P>Nice to see you on my post! I have been wondering how your situation was progressing, and hoping you and your wife are doing well.<P>As an interesting side note to my story, last night I met a man who appears to be newly dating the woman who has been pursuing my bf. He is a firefighter, and seems like a thoroughly nice person. Needless to say, this pleases me. <P>While I will continue dialoguing with my bf to understand the events of this past year, the firefighter sends a pretty clear signal to me...where there's smoke, there's not always fire.<P> <BR>Robyn