Last year I found out my H was phoning a woman from his cell phone. H works in retail and this woman is a customer. I approached him and he assured me they were just friends, but he understood my feelings and told me the phone calls would stop. Fast forward to a year later. Things have not been good between us for sometime. I find a note in his wallet from her. H tells me that the note is from last yr... the note said she loved him. He confesses to having an affair with her. H says it has been over for a yr, but that he still has feelings for her. He has agreed to counseling and tells me he still loves me... should I hope for the best and prepare for the worst?? I don't want to lose him. I should add that she is also married and 10 yrs his senior. I believe him when he says that it is "over", but she still is a customer in his place of business.... hheellpp.....

Welcome <B>Feelingalone</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Forgiveness is important...<P><B>Web sites..</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Consider couseling too... (ala MB)...<BR>...it can put you on the same track!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

feelingalone -<P>i know you are in alot of emotional pain. It was very painful for me too. I thought I was going crazy - you can hardly believe the truth that it is happening to you.<P>One of the best things for me was to read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley - this has helped a great deal to answer why and I can see what happened. Hang in there it will get better. after shock

feelingalone -<P>i know you are in alot of emotional pain. It was very painful for me too. I thought I was going crazy - you can hardly believe the truth that it is happening to you.<P>One of the best things for me was to read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley - this has helped a great deal to answer why and I can see what happened. Hang in there it will get better. after shock

Dear after shock<P>Thanks for your reply... yes I feel like I am living a nightmare. I find myself saying and doing things that causes us to fight. Sometimes I hurt so much that I want to talk it to death. I really hope time heals all.....<P>

Feeling Alone:<P>You are hurting right now..but hang in there and stay strong. I cried alot that first six weeks...it's been 10 weeks now and I still break down every now and then. My H had an A with a coworker (a friend of ours...I though). I found a note also in his wallet and he denied that anything went on. Well I was persistent because my gut feeling told me that something wasn't right because when I looked back over the past year in my mind I saw them together and should have realized then it was more than friends. He would meet her after work but supposedly it never became sexual...so he says!! It is painful....I've lost weight, have low self-esteem, it just rocks your world! I have two beautiful girls ages 8 and 14...they keep me strong. We are trying to rebuild our marriage since he says the A has been over for several months. He finally confessed March 6th...that's my DDAY. It's hard to function day to day...I don't care for alot of things like I used to. Hopefully, each day will be better and it has gotten better. We talk alot!! Hang in there and stay strong. My H said it was very hard to tell me because he didn't want to hurt me. Well....the hurt is unbearable. I read an article that said physical abuse is much easier to deal with than surviving an affair...I think that could be true!! It hurts like hell... I know who the OW is and that's hard. She works with my H but in separate departments. He told her no more communication and so far I believe he is adhering to that otherwise I told him we are separating. He swears it will never happen again???? HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE HEARD THIS LINE AND DOES IT HAPPEN AGAIN???<P>God Bless all of you.....STAY STRONG..<P>SHOCKER17

Shocker 17: <P>My DDay was also Mar6. It has been surreal, It all seem so surreal, I can't imagine that it was even my W. She says she felt dead inside and just wanted to feel better. I had an EA 10 years ago and know what she meant. So I had the added disgust of having been there and knowing what went on in her head. I was able to spot the warning signs quickly having been down that road. EA's are usually symptoms of a bigger problem. They're not about the spouse generally, they are purely selfish acts. This is what hurts too,<p>[This message has been edited by gpsman (edited May 30, 2001).]