My wife and i have been together for almost 6 years now and married for 3. We have had a great relationship to this point. Recently we went to mexico for a little vacation. We had 2 great days and nights until the last night. the last night before we had to depart; we decided to go to a club. We had been drinking all day (which is very rare for us). We arrived at the club and got a table and some more drinks. i was feeling pretty tired at this point but the additional drinks got my wife pretty energized. at this point she wanted to dance but i didnt feel like it. So she went to dance alone. She was gone about 15 minutes and during that time i started feeling sorry for myself. thinking that my wife should have wanted to stay with me instead of dancing alone. When she came back in had worked myself into being mad. I told her how inconsiderate is was for her to leave me their alone (alcohol was talking) and so she got mad and walked away. i thought she would soon come back but she did not. I got worried (b/c we were in mexico and she was pretty drunk) and went looking for her. I finally saw her sitting on some steps talking with some guy. They were below me on the first floor; i yelled a couple of times to try and get her attention but the music was too loud. I continued to look at her hoping she would notice me. Then all of the sudden the guy pulled her face toward his and started kissing her. i expected her to pull back or slap him or something but she didnt. I was a matter of 3 seconds before i got down to them and stopped the kiss. I grabbed my wife and yelled what are you doing? She said, "what? we were just talking". The guy was flipping out b/c he thought i was about to kill him; but i didnt. Her and i left and went back to the hotel. She didnt remember the kiss or even the guy and still doesnt remember anything about that night after she danced. Not even our arguement. seeing this take place just crushed me.I couldnt believe in any state, she would let this happen. That same night i was so pissed and hurt i told her i wanted a divorce. Of course that hasnt happened. That night ruined a great trip. Since then she has been so remorseful, embarrassed and ashamed about the incedent and still does not remember what happened. Side note: we recently had a baby and the doctor put her on zoloft for slight depression. You are really not suppose to drink while taking that stuff. I was so comfortable and secure in our relationship until this happened and now thats all i can think about. If we did not have our beautiful daughter, i dont know if i could remain with her. I want to believe that this was just a fluk but if i had asked her prior to this, if something like this could happen, she would have said no. Being drunk is no excuse for infidelity. I cant stop playing the what if game with myself. what if i hadnt walked up? how far would it have gone. Can i ever trust her again if she is out drinking without me? Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.

I have been in similiar situations with both of us doing the questionable stuff. I have to admit that I have never been too out of it to not know what was going on. No matter what I had been drinking. I am also on anti-depressants. They don't want you to drink because they are treating something that alcohol makes more intense. They don't have interactions like what you seem to be saying that I know of. Is this the only time something like this has happened? how often does your W go out without you? My spouse fits this category. I have seen more than I cared to around him. But we have far more problems than a one time isolated incident.

Hi dc:<P>I am in a similar situation to yours, although I am engaged, not married. This makes my situation less serious, but I understand how painful it is. One of my female friends chose the same course of action with my BF - I did not see the incident but heard her tell someone later. My problem is that I didn't have anything definite, whereas you do. Your wife has expressed concern and remorse over what she has done. You are feeling pain, anger, resentment, etc right now, and thinking about it will make you feel nuts, but the images will fade if you and your wife remain open to discussing what happened and, most importantly, how each of you will behave going forward. In order for your wife to work through this with you, she needs to feel secure talking about it. This means that you put your anger to one side during the discussion. It is possible that "a kiss is just a kiss", something done out of whatever factors you want to apply, including alcohol, drugs, etc. What's more important is to take stock of what else has been going on in your marriage. Check out the emotion needs section of the Harleys' material. Whatever you do, don't make the mistake I did, by internalizing this and not discussing it. Keep communicating with your wife. This may be a wakeup call to help both of you avoid potential problems in the future. <BR>Good luck, and keep posting<P> <BR>Robyn

dc1,<BR>I realize this incident has been hurtful and you are in pain. For that I am truly sorry and wish you did not find yourself here. But from a realistic stand point you don’t have grounds to even consider divorce. Yes what she did was very uncalled for and very disrespectful but the fact that you would think of Divorce sends some red flags up. I think there is much more going on than you realize. I don’t mean with your W, I mean with your relationship. Maybe this is a warning for the both of you that things are not as they seem and you both need to work on your relationship. <P>First of all she should not have been dancing alone, you should have been with her even if you didn’t feel like it. Marriage is all about compromise and meeting each others needs. I could go on and on but I won’t. <P>I have one solid recommendation here that I hope you take very seriously. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore" TARGET=_blank>Go to this link</A>and buy the book His Needs/Her Needs. Both of you should read it.<P>One last thought. Stop beating her up about her actions until you have finished reading the book.<P>oswald<BR>

Dear dc,<P>I think Robyn is right. I also envy your position. Though it looks dreadful to you right now, you have hope. An incident has triggered your fear, jealousy and insecurity. The wife you love kissed another man and you watched her, unable to do anything. Step aside from the feelings if you can. And Boy do they ever hurt! Feel like you've been kicked in the gut, don't you?<P>Here's the good side. You know that drinking combined with your Rx is bad, and you can decide never to drink again. So you swill cokes or 7 ups for the rest of your life. Trade off a loving marriage - is it worth it? <P>You also know that your wife shouldn't be drinking either. Weighed against the price of losing your family, your marriage, isn't it worth it?<P>Now, this incident is a blessed opportunity to do as Robyn suggested: take advantage of the MB boards, read, do the questionnaires, and thank God you can work on your marriage.<P>Really, it isn't too late. It's just in time.<P>------------------<BR>Looney Belle aias Bellevue

thank you all for the advice. I think i was just really angry when i said that i wanted a divorce that night. We are still together and seem to be stronger than before. to answere some of the questions: yes this is an isolated incedent( or i would be single right now), she almost never goes out without me(we love to do things together)and she hasnt touched alcohol since the incedent. She is so embarrassed and ashamed that she lost control like that. I consider myself a strong person but will not tolerate being cheated on in any form or fashion. This was her get out of jail free card but there wont be anymore. I would rather be a sngl father than raise a child in a home/marriage where cheating is taking place. i wouldnt want to be involved with someone who cant stay fathful either. Life is too short. thanks again to all of you.

[dc1<P>Please don't stay away. How I wish I'd found this board before neglecting our marriage to the point that it died. You can benefit from the principles here. It's free.<P><P>------------------<BR>Looney Belle aias Bellevue