I picked my husband up at the airport last night, but he was so tired I didn't have the heart to confront him about my suspicions. I REALLY want to handle this right. We did talk about the problems that have been in our marriage for years, and I apologized to him for not being a supportive wife. He said that he was as much to blame as me and tried to forgive me right away, but I asked him to think about everything and that we could talk Thursday (tonight is a church night). I am thinking about calling Dr. Harley's office and scheduling a teleconference, because I know that the way I handle this will affect the outcome. My husband is very sensitive to negativity, which may be one of the reasons that has pushed him away to begin with. Thanks to all for listening.

I agree everything you do now will effect the outcome of things, it sounds like you should get some professional help, and try to make the right moves here. good luck<P>

Excellent thought, Terre! Definitely, give MB a call. Make sure you tell them it's urgent. I wouldn't be surprised if you got to talk to someone today. How you handle this *is* important. It could well set the stage for your recovery.<P>TTFN,<P>Kalote

As I said in your other post...Plan A and no love busters. Take plenty of time for yourself..walking, relaxing and thinking. It's hard with MD's...I'm with one myself, and time is so limited, and when they finally do get home they're exhausted. They've been out saving the world and need down time so desperately. And you're at home wanting and needing answers so desperately. Try to make the best of your limited time. Look your best, be happy to see him, spend the day remembering why you love him..it puts you in the mood to meet his needs. Mine has a big need for admiration, which he had not gotten from me in a long time (it's hard to admire someone who's hardly ever there, whose work takes front seat while your private life gets the back-burner) but there are plenty of women who admire them and can't wait to show them how much!!!<BR>You said in your other post that you hadn't been supportive in a while. Write him a card or letter and thank him for standing by you and tell him why you love him...no recriminations...this is a love letter.<BR>PLAN A>>PLAN A<BR>T

Twyla Thank you so much for your post. I spoke with my pastor yesterday, no details just my suspicions. His advise was the same as yours, just love him more than I ever have right now. I started that the moment he got off the plane Tuesday evening, and it really seems to be working. I got two phone calls yesterday, and he came home early even though he was on call! We have spent as much time as possible in each other's arms and away from the television (another evil force in the destruction of relationships!). I spend the day working on my body and planning his dinner. There is a cocktail party this evening at a local marina, and he just told me what time to be ready and what I should wear. I haven't been invited to anything with him in ages, he just assumes I don't want to go. I am so excited about what we could possibly have again, but also fully aware that it is going to take time to repair the damage that five years of neglect has inflicted. I appreciate your time so much and I hope things are going well for you.

Tere, <P>I'd like for you to read my reply on your other thread. Basically it reinforces your plan to do what you are doing in regards to your marriage. Good luck.

Dorie, thanks again. I am following you advice to the letter, and will try to become an amateur sleuth (but I doubt I ever get my own television show, maybe a Lifetime Original Movie). I have some ideas, but for right now I am improving myself, because I had become a slug, no kidding!! Please, if you can think of anything else let me know. Ex.: Did you go through counseling, was it beneficial? Thanks again to my kindred spirits on the internet.

We are going to counseling now. As for counseling then, here's the pitiful, convoluted path we took: <P>My H and I have been married 8 years and we have had a rocky course. We love each other, but both were just very inept when it came to communication of our feelings, we were both very stubborn. About five years ago, we began arguing a lot, hurting each other's feelings, I wasn't meeting his EN's and then he withdrew from meeting mine. Your classic vicious cycle. Initially, five and half years ago, H wanted us to go to marriage counseling. I refused to go, telling him that I thought our problems weren't that serious and that we could work them out on our own. WRONG. They weren't serious to me, but he was hurting. <P>At the time of the A (4years ago), H was so withdrawn and angry, I finally realized that we indeed needed marriage counseling. But, H refused to go at this time. He said I wouldn't go with him way back when, and he wouldn't just jump to go since now I had decided it was needed. You see our stubbornness. It is a miracle that we made it, but we have, thanks to God.<P>But since his voluntary confession three months ago, we have gone. Both jumping at the chance and so committed to it. Unfortunately, we have both come to the conclusion that our counselor is not very good. Actually,he's awful! But we met with someone new last week and feel very good about her.<P>We have done so much on our own though. We've essentially done our own counseling by reading "Surviving An Affair" about two weeks after he confessed. We both learned so much from it. We both wish we had read it back then, or "HIS NEEDS/NER NEEDS" before we married. Applying the principles in that book makes so much sense to us both, and has helped us tremendously.<P>So, to summarize, (sorry, I get long-winded), go to marriage counseling if you or your husband thinks there is a need. But most importantly, hopefully you can get your husband to read the book as well. At least "His Needs/Her Needs" by the Harleys, since throwing a copy of SAF to him would be a bit presumptious,wouldn't it, if he hasn't confessed to an A?<P>It seems like your husband loves you, from your posts. Even if he has had an A, he loves YOU. I hope you both can read the books, maybe then if he has had an A, he will feel closer to you to let you know, and then you can repair.

Dorie, you are just an angel and you have blessed me so much!! I am glad that you shared your story with me, because it is so similar to mine and it gives me hope. With me, I left my job at H office five years ago, and it really depressed me. I hadn't been doing tremendously well meeting H needs before that, so bogged down with work, but at least we saw each other every day and THAT kept us close. When I left work, instead of throwing myself into taking care of my man and succeeding at home like I had at work, I considered housework beneath me and just shut down to taking care of anything connected to that house (I had a housekeeper). Well, my poor husband just kept waiting for me to come out of it, he knew it couldn't last forever. He showered me with gifts, complimented me on my appearance even when I know I looked like a slug. He worked hard and paid the bills, and I was free to have a party. Now, yes, I am being just a bit critical of myself, but I deserve it.<BR>When we found our church, things seemed better for us, but we still felt apart from most of the congregation. I started babysitting for a friend at church during the day, with my husband's blessing, but that overtook my life. I wonder now if my husband felt like he couldn't tell me 'no'.<P>Well, now I'm getting long-winded. Just wanted you to get the picture. I'm glad that I have enough spiritual maturity to accept my part in this, but I am worried that my H is afraid to come clean with me. I think I will follow your lead and be patient for as long as it takes. <P>Wouldn't it be great if we all wound up on the Marriage Builder's cruise next April!!