Some of you may remember me from a few months ago. My H slept with my so called best friend while she was staying with us. I can't tell you all how much I have missed you. I have needed your support so many times, but H got so angry that I was posting all of our 'dirty laundry' here, and I had to stop. But things have gotten worse, and I need your help again.<P>I thought I could get over what H did to our marriage. But it is so hard for me. I told you all right before I left the forum that I was in counseling. I can't say that it helped . She is a wonderful woman and she listens to me...gives suggestions...but I just cant recapture the physical part of our marriage. Sex disgusts me. I love my H, and want more than anything to make this marriage work. H thinks that because I do not sleep with him (and I mean I don't sleep with him at all...not even in the same bed) that there is someone else. He is constantly leaving me notes asking me what is wrong and why cant he turn me on anymore. And he is so mean anymore. I mean, he says some pretty crude things to me that I dont feel I can repeat word for word here. He will say (out of the blue) "So, when are you going to suck my ****??" or "If you dont give it up tonight, I am going to tie you up and take it!" That's not being loving...at least not in my book. He complains all the time that he never gets sex. I have asked him...begged him to come here...to fill out the questionaires with me...he refuses. He says that if we cant fix this ourselves, it cant be fixed. I am starting to think that it cant be fixed..its kinda like the old saying "You cant teach an old dog new tricks". He talks big, but can never seem to follow through with his promises. I am broked hearted by the whole situation. I do love him...but I have to be honest and say that the love bank is getting pretty empty...he keeps making these HUGE withdrawls...but hasnt made a deposit in a LONG time.<P>Please someone...give me some advice...

I know what you mean because I was betrayed before I was the betrayer. Honestly, even though I thought I forgave my H, I carried around anger for 12 years straight. My H thinks that my affair happened in retaliation for his, even 12 yrs. later! I would bring it up over and over, carrying the pain, reliving the pain. But I didn't have the tools to truly forgive him. Now I do and it sometimes seems to late because now I've betrayed - so of course we have to deal with that loss. But to answer your question - I think the wounds DO heal, but only with work. It won't be easy, but if you carry it around it will only poison your marriage. By the way though, it sounds like things are pretty rough for you right now. It's gotta be tough to try and forgive and find the love to have a physical relationship. My heart goes out to you.