I have been in a relationship with someone for 18 mths...and we have been engaged for 8 of thoses mths with plans for a marriage in October. I just found out that while we were on a trip together he sent his ex wife flowers three times telling her he loved her. At the time we had only been dating for 6 mths and were not yet engaged. I found some old receipts and discovered that the flowers had been sent. When I confronted him about the issue he said that at the time he had been very confused and not sure of our relationship. But two months later was when he gave me an engagement ring. Of course I am very hurt and now I am the one confused. I'm not sure weather this marriage should go forward or not. I know I do love him very much but now feel like I was second choice. Obviously he was having some kind of communication with his ex wife while we were dating. I know that the flowers were sent over a year ago nearly and he says that since that time there has not been any further communication. Please give me some advice on what to do. I don't want to go into a marriage that isn't going to work. I am heart broken and not sure if I am making too big of a deal about this. I know he was upset when his marriage ended and was probably still trying to cope with that as his wife was the one who filed for divorce. Any advice anyone can give me would be appreciated.

I don't think you should go through with the wedding until you work through the issue and can feel 100% about your relationship.<P>I found out 1 week before my wedding Jan. 2000 that my H slept with OW 2 weeks before the wedding. I knew before the wedding, but he was so remorseful so we went ahead.<P><B>I regret it!</B><P>I found out about so much other stuff after the wedding and he keeps lying and doing his crap. His remorse was for being caught, not in hurting me!<P>Please learn from my mistake - <B>RUN</B>!<P>Hugs!<P>

Bubbles:<P>I am engaged too. I am workng through some issues stemming from the fact that a female friend has made advances on my bf...and I believe there was a kiss exchanged before our engagement.<P>An engagement can be as short or long as the participants want it to be. Your bf told you how he felt at the time of sending the flowers. He seems willing to continue talking with you, which is so very important...I am just figuring out that now.<P>I don't think anyone is ever fully "ready" to get married, or "ready" to have a child. The best we can hope for is "mostly ready".<P>Remember this is not a race, no one is holding a time-clock over you guys. Over the years, it's possible that other men and women may approach you and your new husband. It's inevitable at some point. What you need to discuss and work on is how you plan to handle it.<P>I wish you good luck - in time the pain of your discovery will lessen. Think of it as a wakeup call to KEEP TALKING, never be afraid to talk to him.<P>Very best of luck,<P>Robyn

Could your bf have been feeling uneasy in a way about being happy and in love with you so soon after his divorce? I mean he did take vows with his ex and maybe for a while there he felt like he was doing something bad even though he wasn't. Ask him to be completely honest with you now. Your already hurting so now would be the time to do this not in the fall after the wedding. Remember he did give you an engagement ring, so unless you pressured him into that I would take comfort in that. Also dates can be changed, if he truly loves you he will give this time,