I, like many other people here, am very confused. Just to fill you in briefly, my H and I are separated and he is living w/ the OW. But, it seems like lately we have been getting closer. He came over last week to put up the X-Mas lights, we made love and had a great time together. We also had a really good week inspite of the tragedies we had in our lives this week: death in family and my mother is in the hospital. <P>But, today I came home and found copies he had made while I was at work of divorce papers. Tonight I found a receipt for a sapphire ring that he purchased today for the OW.<P>I called him to ask what was going on, and he said that the divorce papers mean nothing...in other words he wasn't planning to file. And, the OW put the ring in layaway, and he was just doing her a favor by getting it out for her because she couldn't afford to pay for it!(Well, neither can we!!!)<P>I told him (honestly and nicely) that I feel pretty stupid for hoping and praying that we will get back together. I also asked that he be honest with me about his intentions...in other words, is he really planning to file.<P>My question is...is this too much to ask for during Plan A? All I want is honesty so I can be emotionally prepared.<P>Thanks for your feedback!

Hi, Sleepless. I'm not an expert on this but I think a real Plan A means no pressure. And asking for his intentions would be some pressure. <P>Also, if he's still living with OW, he's still in waffle land. Any answer he'd give you today may change tomorrow - or actually in a couple of hours.<P>If you're up to it, just keep showing him how wonderful you are and how much you love him. It's a long hard ride. But if you can, I would hold your questions until AFTER he's broken contact with OW and gone through withdrawal. That about as soon as he'll be able to think clearly.<P>I know, yuck! But it takes time and patience. You can do it. Just hang in there.<P>Lori

Sleepless,<P>As crudy as it is, your husband is not playing the same rules that you are in regards to being honest. Right now he is not committed to the marriage, so being honest with you is not his concern. I also wouldn't try to put to much in to what he says about committment or not committement. Like other folks said he's waffling. Get used to it and don't try to analyize it. It will make you crazy.<P>Good luck and much patience.

Sleepless in Seattle<P>I am at the same stage you are at. Sometimes I look at my W and think is this all worth it.<P>I guess the taker in us all would rather just call it quits. I mean how much more of this crap should someone take. Here you are giving to your S as much as you possibly can and they look back at you as if, "well is that the best you can do"?<P>Personally Plan B is looking better as the days go by. Living in Limbo is by far the hardest thing to do. As time goes by it is sad but each day sees a little more love lost for the W.<P>But in all this there is one thing that is ever most certain. If you give up on the marriage who is there to continue the fight NO ONE. That's what keeps me going.<P>Reagards Fairenough

Sleepless,<P><BR>Don't ask any questions that have to do with the OW or his personal life right now. If you do you will be flagged for a LB and not get a true response anyway. He is still in Fantasyland, the betrayers park that never closes. He will tell you what he perceives to be the truth in his current mental state and it may hurt you enough to want to quit the reconsiliation process.<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>