OK here goes...H and I have been married 10 yrs next month...Before marriage he was a real ladies man....dated several girls and was engaged to one before me.At 4 yr point he started phone conv. with ex-fiance whos marriage was in trouble...He eventually told me about it..I left for a few days until he called begging me home. He assured me it was only phone conv. and that he did still care about what happened to her and that he wanted her to be happy .. In the meantime I find that he has visited web sites and looked at pornographic stuff on TV...that bothers me too even though I know most men do it...jump ahead a few yrs....H announced his call into the ministry....I thought that now that his life had changed I would no longer have to worry...Things were fine for about 4 yrs. noticed H getting e-mails from a lot of women and that he was using the computer alot late at night..? him about it and he said he just couldn't sleep and that he freq. visits Christian chat rooms....Needless to say so did lonely women...He started chatting with a girl that lives about 15 min form us who was having trouble in her marriage---he being the caring person he is(too caring) tried to talk to her...One thing led to another and she asked to meet him in person....He gave in....they had sex....all this time he is doting on me and things seem the same as they had before...he goes right on in hte ministry....He tells me now that he spent many a night praying for forgiveness...then all hell broke loose..Ex -fiances H found out that he had talked with her many years before and assumes and begins to spread rumors(we went to same church)that it is still going on,,,dh gets laid off....we are in the midst of fertility TX and the list goes on and on...He feels totally destroyed and has another moment of weakness with this lady....Jump ahead a yr...OW H calls me and tellm me that his wife has came clean and that she and my H slept together last yr..It was going on while I was standing by his side through the ordeal with the ex-F H. He says now that he has always had a sexual addiction and he thought that it was gone, but when things slowed down in his life that Satan used that addiction and tempted him He admits that it is 100% totally his fault and that I was the perfect wife in every way but that he has a problem and he has to deal with it...He is beging me t stay and I have so far..we have an 8 yo son and an 8wk old daughter who was conceived during all this but we did not find out I was pg until after it had ended (or so he says). My ? i...does the pain ever go away and will I ever feel the same about him..I still love him so much and he has been totally honest (told me things I did not want to hear)... I just can't believe this has happened..

Here is what I have learned about Christians: they are still human. Remember David and Bathsheba?<P>Now the thing I have to keep in mind is that I am still human. Your WS will have to humble himself, and make the changes necessary, no exceptions. My WS is also addicted to sex and doesn't even come to my job often (I work around Internet access) so that he does not go to the adult sites.<BR>It takes what it takes, and the changes do not happen overnight. Every moment is an opportunity to be rejected or accepted. If a recovering alcoholic wants to stay sober, they do what's necessary every day and night, every moment not to drink. The same as a food addict: You learn discipline and adjust as you go. There will be things you have to do, or even stop doing to heal. Be prayerful, believe and be attentive to what works and what does not. It takes time to discover what works for you both and what does not. If you do not already have someone to talk these issues out with when they become too much to handle, pray that you get that support also. In the meantime, reach out here. This is a wealth of wisdom. Keep coming back...

MY H IS ALSO A SEX ADDICT. ARE YOU GOING TO COUNCELLING TOGETHER? IS HE GOING SEPERATELY? HE ALSO NEEDS TO FIND A 12 STEP GROUP TO HELP HIM THROUGH THIS. THIS GROUP HAS REALLY HELPED MY HUSBAND TO COPE WITH HIS BEHAVIORS. HANG IN THERE!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by rha:<BR><B>OK here goes...H and I have been married 10 yrs next month...Before marriage he was a real ladies man....dated several girls and was engaged to one before me.At 4 yr point he started phone conv. with ex-fiance whos marriage was in trouble...He eventually told me about it..I left for a few days until he called begging me home. He assured me it was only phone conv. and that he did still care about what happened to her and that he wanted her to be happy .. In the meantime I find that he has visited web sites and looked at pornographic stuff on TV...that bothers me too even though I know most men do it...jump ahead a few yrs....H announced his call into the ministry....I thought that now that his life had changed I would no longer have to worry...Things were fine for about 4 yrs. noticed H getting e-mails from a lot of women and that he was using the computer alot late at night..? him about it and he said he just couldn't sleep and that he freq. visits Christian chat rooms....Needless to say so did lonely women...He started chatting with a girl that lives about 15 min form us who was having trouble in her marriage---he being the caring person he is(too caring) tried to talk to her...One thing led to another and she asked to meet him in person....He gave in....they had sex....all this time he is doting on me and things seem the same as they had before...he goes right on in hte ministry....He tells me now that he spent many a night praying for forgiveness...then all hell broke loose..Ex -fiances H found out that he had talked with her many years before and assumes and begins to spread rumors(we went to same church)that it is still going on,,,dh gets laid off....we are in the midst of fertility TX and the list goes on and on...He feels totally destroyed and has another moment of weakness with this lady....Jump ahead a yr...OW H calls me and tellm me that his wife has came clean and that she and my H slept together last yr..It was going on while I was standing by his side through the ordeal with the ex-F H. He says now that he has always had a sexual addiction and he thought that it was gone, but when things slowed down in his life that Satan used that addiction and tempted him He admits that it is 100% totally his fault and that I was the perfect wife in every way but that he has a problem and he has to deal with it...He is beging me t stay and I have so far..we have an 8 yo son and an 8wk old daughter who was conceived during all this but we did not find out I was pg until after it had ended (or so he says). My ? i...does the pain ever go away and will I ever feel the same about him..I still love him so much and he has been totally honest (told me things I did not want to hear)... I just can't believe this has happened.. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

RHA I have been looking for you! I hope you're still reading...I haven't seen you post anything else but my prayers are still with you and yours.