Truthfully, I feel like my life has become some kind of cruel soap opera. In a nutshell...I'm 26, and married to my husband now for two years. We were both active-duty military when we met overseas. Had a VERY brief and intense dating experience, and I had already been re-stationed in the States when I discovered I was pregnant. Called him, and wasn't too surprised when he asked me to marry him immediately. I told him, at the time, that "I don't think that's a good idea". <P>I was 24 then, had a college degree, and was in the military so I didn't have to worry about medical care and where I was going to live. I knew I could take care of myself and the baby. I didn't want to marry because of a pregnancy. But he assured me with repeated phone calls that he wasn't asking me to marry him for that reason. He really loved about me. I bought it because he HAD discussed getting married to me prior to my move to the States.<P>Anyway, our marriage has had some enormous challenges. We really didn't have a chance to even LIVE together during the first year we were married. I had to leave the military and then he got deployed. I gave birth in Germany all alone, trying to build a good foundation in marriage with this man. Our second year of marriage was better (I thought), although we had some pretty intense arguments for a bit, trying to adjust to really living together and being new parents all at once. <P>Then, he started having problems at his unit (abusive supervisors) and he was very unhappy. I think he transposed that unhappiness into our marriage. Feeling like a "bad soldier" made him start to think he was a "bad husband" and a "bad father". My own efforts (successful, he says, since he thought I was a "perfect wife") at being a good wife may have added to this, or something.<P>Anyway...he has an ex-GF from his prior duty station who he's long had strong feelings for. I never faulted him for caring for the woman, since she was a part of his past. But there were, of course, many things he never told me about her.<P>Turns out that when he was working so hard to convince me to marry him, he was also in contact with her. They had been discussing the possibility of marriage when I called him to inform him about my pregnancy. He never told me this at the time, only said that SHE called him (not true) asking if they could start dating again. But he told her he was getting married and refused. I find out now that she blames ME for "making him marry me" (God knows what he has told her, if the lies he's told me are any kind of clue). <P>Anyway, when he was deployed, right after I had given birth to our D, he contacted her and discovered she was in an abusive relationship with a new BF. He said she denied knowing he had gotten married. I found out later, after snooping through some of his old mail, that he had told he he didn't think my baby girl was really his. I was livid that he had been sharing such intimate information with another woman, friend or no, and we had several arguments about it.<P>Forward to a year later...He's unhappy, and the military informs us they are going to be rennovating the housing unit we're living in. We have to move into a new apartment, and we have only three months left overseas. Hubby poses the possibility of my returning early to the States, to save money and time. After talking about it, I agree, and leave this January to stay with my parents in AZ until he can complete his tour and join me in VA.<P>Less than two weeks after I have arrived in AZ, he calls and tells me this wild story. Says he was confronted by a strange woman, who said she was the sister of his ex-GF. Says the Ex was killed by her abusive BF, and that she had had a child. The boy was my husband's but she had not wanted to "use" him to get my husband to be with her so she never told him about the C. Her only demand was that he divorce ME immediately, or she would never let him see the C.<P>Crazy story becomes unreal when he calls me just two days later to tell me he wants a divorce. I'm utterly devastated, suspect he's lying and that he's having an affair. Demand to know the truth, but the story just gets wilder and more unbelievable. Finally, to preserve my sanity, we agree not to discuss the matter of divorce over the phone. We are reunited in VA at the beginning of Apr.<P>Hubby acts very happy to see me, although we argue about the matter of divorce. Finally, he tells me we will work on repairing the marriage. We make plans to travel to his new duty station together. Meanwhile, this girl (he claims she's a psycho) makes repeated calls to his parent's home, where we're staying. His stepmother carefully screens the calls. Desperate, she finally sends him a letter, outlining the details of the affair they have been having. She practically describes positions! Hubby admits she most undoubtedly wanted me to read the letter, which I snooped for and commandeered.<P>Hubby admits to having an affair with her, admits she is the ex-GF I have long known about. He claims she went to efforts to find him (although the letter says otherwise), and that the child she had had was his but the boy was killed by her abusive BF. Basically, more wild stories. Finally, I ask him what he wants from this point on.<P>Hubby says "well, we ARE getting a divorce" but he offers to let me travel with him to his next duty station anyway. We'll occupy seperate rooms, but he would like to be there for me, because (get this!) I'm presently 7 mo. pregnant! I am beyond pissed at the insulting offer, and, having spent so many months fighting to preserve my marriage, I finally give up. Call him lots of nasty names, rail at him, tell him "you deserve her, because two dogs should lay down together". And then I leave HIM!<P>From what I've learned by coming here to the Marriagebuilders site is that, basically, I was working on Plan A for the past 5 months. Finally, I went to Plan B.<P>Well, I guess you can say it worked. Hubby has called, saying he misses amd loves me, the affair was a mistake, and he's willing to do anything it takes to repair the marriage. <P>Terrified as I am, I am working on returning home to him now. Am I making a mistake? So many people tell me not to give him another chance. But I do love him, even now. And it IS possible, right, that our marriage can be saved, even now? Or am I being stupid? BTW, sorry for the length of this..

Wow! I haven't been on here very long and I'm sure others will offer sound advice. But I have found that this is a good place to just tell 'someone' about it - it often helps just to talk it out, to talk to those who are in similar situations and see how they get through this.<P>If you haven't done so, read through the materials on this site as well as as many posts as you can. It really sounds like you want this to work. He is the father of your children after all. From your accounts however, it sounds like he really needs help. It's quite common for a WS to make up stories to cover their actions, but wild stories such as this may be indicative of deeper problems. I've seen it said here several times: as unfair as it may be, it's often the betrayed that must work hardest to repair things. Your H should feel VERY LUCKY to have someone like you who is so understanding and dignified given the circumstances. I suggest creating an environment where he feels comfortable talking to you about things. Where honesty is rewarded with compassion and love.<P>But he needs to open up and relieve both of you of his lies. You are going to have to work to help him see the seriousness of his behavior. Hang in there and I truly hope your H can learn the true value of what/who he has!<BR>

I completely understand the feeling of being wrapped up in some soap opera. I keep thinking my own situation could be used for television!!!<P>I just found out about my H's affair 8 days ago, so I can't say I have any real words of wisdom to offer. I do believe it is POSSIBLE for your marriage to be reconciled, just as I believe it is POSSIBLE for my marriage to be saved.<P>I have found it very helpful to read as much on this subject as possible - read all the Q & A articles here. Also visit <A HREF="http://www.dearpeggy.com" TARGET=_blank>www.dearpeggy.com</A> - more good info (my opinion), especially about not thinking of this whole thing as a personal failure.<P>Good luck to you. I will be praying for you.

Welcome <B>Phyreblade</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Your situation is difficult, to say the least...<BR>...but one of the fundamental principles is...<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#3.) The (betrayed) spouse needs to know that he/she had done his/her best to save their marriage. (page 76 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>If you do think there is enough love...<BR>...you can agree to rebuild... and the best way is through counseling...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$120US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<BR>Also check out the post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008844.html" TARGET=_blank>looking for a counselor</A>…..zorweb/K…..5/11/2001<P>In the mean time restart on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>You're not alone... keep posting, asking and reading!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>