I know my husband has had affair but won't admit it. He agreeded 5 mos ago to go to counseling because I was having a hard time dealing with it. He said it was all in my head but he said he would go. The MC said for me to forget it and if I find something else then i have more proof. (saw gift in home Xmas that Ididn't get)He said he has no knowledge of it. I saw it. I have seen a MC for me but not getting anywhere but someone to talk and vent to once in a while. I want both of us to go and try to talk this out. He just says i will just be told to drop it again. The MC I now see believes I saw the gift and he is unable to admit it to me. I would want a different MC but think going together we might work this out. All we do is argue if I bring up the affair. He accuses me of destroying our marriage and calling him a liar which he says he isn't. I keep feelings to myself now. He just lied to me about a little thing today . He said he went to station to get gas and it was cigars. He quit smoking almost 2mos ago. I've asked him least a dozen times if he's cheated and smoked and he looked me in the eyes and lied. its a little thing and I don't care about the darn cigar, he just lied about it to me. He said he went for gas and that too was a little lie not that important but a lie. Would it help to go joint couseling for our problem when he denies an affair and I know he's lying about it?? Think he would go because he wants to make me happy. He really is a good man who made a mistake. thanks for any advice.

I forgot to mention the MC we went to together we only saw us once.

I'm with 'ya Char!! I've put it off because of some work deadlines/pressures, but I know I need to get in to talk to someone. I don't trust my W!! Simple as that. I find little things like you mention and it really upsets me. I find myself unsure of so much that she tells me that is no doubt the truth. Right now she feels that I have an issue in that I can't just forget all about this and put it behind me once and for all. True, and my issue to resolve. Where she needs to play a part is in being 1000% percent honest at every turn to regain my trust. The little things, while little in and of themselves, are indicative of something bigger. I would encourage joint counseling, and after I see someone, I will encourage my W to join me. There I hope we can discuss things where she can't deny and become defensive and play the martyr and she will come to realize just how much strength in our relationship can be gained by being 'painfully' honest. I'm sure I will learn some things about how I handle it too.<P>Have you had him read any of the material here on truth and honesty in a relationship? I'm open to advice on this too, so if you find something that works...<P>