My wife of 8 yrs has been commiting adultery for about 2 months now. I became suspicious and my own investigation. My suspicions were confirmed this past week. My wife is not realy talking to me. She will not admit what has happened. She knows I know. She is desperate to get me to tell her exactly what I do know. I will not, other than I know she is involved in an adulterous situation. We have 2 young children. She declined to go to church with us today. I asked her to go. She has withdrawn terribly so. <P>What am I supposed to do. DO I just let her go on having a sexual relationship with this man? I will not leave my home as it would mean leaving my children behind. She says she is not leaving, says where am I going to go? I have been in marital counciling on my own for a couple of months now and she will not go. I have made great strides in improving myself so I would please my wife. I really began in ernest working on myself this past Jan. I know my wife began this A in March. Of course I never stood a chance to heal my marriage because she became involved with OM.<P>I absolutely want to save this marriage. I have yelled out loud for Jesus and the Holy Spirit to come in to mine and my wifes hearts. She has done everything to discourage me these last several months. No affirmation from her was ever given to me concerning my efforts. She just grew more distant...not having sex with me(very rarely and only when she is horny), not wanting me to touch her or kiss her(she turns and gives me her cheek when I give her a kiss goodbye etc, telling me its too late for my efforts, telling me I am overdoing it and that I should back off. Now I know why. Sad thing is I had a vasectomy in Feb. Doctor gave me green 3 weeks ago and I have not made life to my wife since I got the all clear from Dr. I am 34 yrs old and I now regret that decision. <P>I just do not know what to do. Is it manadatory for recovery to seperate. I just cant see how we will accomplish this.Our Pastor said he is going to call her tomorrow. I am worried about this making her even more mad and distant. I am not sure if she has seen lawyer yet or not. I have for advice and I know I dont want to divorce her. I really think she has no remorse about this and I going to just cont. on like she has. By the way, this is my wifes second marriage and my first. She cheated on her last husband for 4 out of 7 yrs of their marriage and he never knew it. All I know is I need alot of help right now. <P><BR>

wcm -<P>Words of encouragement - You are in intense emotional pain at the moment. I know you are hurting! All of us here have too. You can read all of the material here on MB or you can get Dr. Harley's books. They will help! Surviving an Affair (SAA), and His Needs, Her Needs, and Love Busters. Please hang in there. If you can start reading do so asap. If you order the books from Dr. Harley, you can save. About your wife "changing" - she is in withdrawal. What you need to do is to follow through with Dr. Harley. You are in the right place here. We are here because the same things have happened to us. I am the BS, my H had an EA. We are almost up to our first anniv of D-day. Things are getting better. You can survive from this. Read the instructions for newbies.<P>We welcome you, you can talk to us anytime. I give you my greeting, because things were very emotional for me for a long time.<P>You asks if you are suppose to let the A go on - the answer is no. If you read SAA you will quickly learn the correct steps to healing yourself, spouse, and family. By the rules, she will have to cut all contact with the OM.<BR>Good luck. In ernest, I advise to get SAA and get going. aftershock

Right now you have a two-step program: <BR>1. Get Dr. Harley's "Surviving an Affair"<BR>2. Read it, follow instructions closely<P>You will also find this site a huge asset as well.<P>Godspeed and good luck, STL

I can understand your pain. My H had a one-night stand-no feelings for the ow other than sexual and I don't know if that's worse or not. At least if it was someone he cared about I could try to understand. We also have two children. One is 5 and the other is due July 30th. I only found out about his A last week. I, too am guilty of not being affectionate enough lately. I told him I would if he wanted it, but I wasn't really into it. How can you be when you're so uncomfortably pregnant? He said the reasons he did it were Alcohol, my lack of initiating sex, and she made him feel wanted again. I can't stop blaming myself for being fat and unattractive. The only thing that has really helped me this past week is talking to God. Since we are trying to work our marriage out and stay together, we agreed to keep it between the two of us. The Lord is the only one I can truly talk to. Keep doing the same and he will guide you through it. I wish you the best and hope you can fix your marriage. I will pray for you and I ask you to do the same for me.