Just found out may 5th. Yes, Mother's day. To make matters worse, I'm 7months pregnant with our 2nd child. H had perverted one night stand with a girl we had met together a week before. It gets worse...It was a 3-way with his best(male) friend. No bi-stuff. He told me when I asked what was wrong with him lately. I can't decide wether I'm mad, hurt, depressed, or ok. We are trying to work things out, but I feel as though I'm making it easier for him to do it again by not being an emotional wreck anymore(my fits of rage and crying only lasted 3 days). What is wrong with me? Could I be in denial or something? What he did is definately not ok with me, yet we even went out on a date last Saturday! HELP!

Dear JeanK,<P>Maybe you are being spared feelings right now as they are heavy to handle and a person can only take so much at once. You will likely find the floodgates opening in due time.<P>I am so sorry for your pain. <P>You are likely trying to get in touch with your feelings. How terrible this event was a 3-way. <P>I want to be here for you and want you to know there are others coming. <P>Keep posting. Vent all you need here. It is a safe place where you will find support and concern and hope. You have come to the right spot. People here care so much. <P>My heart goes out to you.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

OUCH. 7 months pregnant. I cringed with pain when I read this myself. What a terrible emotional time to begin with. Don't kick yourself for not being hysterical, and don't think that gives him permission to do it again. You are not responsible for his bad decisions. He made this bed all by himself and if he wants to be married it is his responsibilty to gain some self-control, your getting hysterical or working on your marriage positively, whatever you do, is not going to make it any more ok for him to re-offend, if he ever should.<P>Also, there are no set rules to emotions, and you do not have to feel any set way. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you do feel, and ride the coaster a while, it will go up and down no doubt, you are pregnant, that is going to throw you up and down anyways, this will just make it steeper probably.<P>It was no less selfish what your H did, but take heart in the fact that it was just sex and not an emotional love affair. For me at least that part was much easier for me to forgive than a year of lies, deciet and emotional detachment while he was off having a great time. I probably could have forgiven that in relative stride too.<P>If you can put this behind you and forgive him and feel good about workig on your marriage I say don't beat yourself up, that's great! Do go to mariage counseling, and work on affair proofing your marriage, and stay positive. Life is too short and you have a family to consider, moving forward is ok. If you slip backwards and get angry, that's ok too. Keep us updated. <BR>

JeanK:<P>SO SORRY....I know you are hurting very badly, and expecting on top of it. Shame on him.....!!! You are not responsible for what he did. He made that decision all by himself. <BR>I know you are probably crying alot but try to stay calm because of your baby. I can honestly say that I have never cried harder in my life and as for as long when my H confessed to having an A with coworker. It ripped my heart out and my heart actually "hurted" in the beginning...!!<P>It's a little better now since it's been 11 weeks and I'm still trying to dissect the A. I keep asking lots of questions because "that's me"!!!<P>You take care and stay strong....and try to get some sleep.<BR>I could never sleep in the beginning I would wake up in the middle of the night and see my H and OW in my mind together.<P>God BLess you and your little one!!<P>SHOCKER17

Jean, <P>Oh boy can I relate. My baby is 2 months old and my husband just recently admitted to having a one night fling when I was 8 months pregnant. It's so unfair to pick a time when you are so vunerable, physcially, emotionally and even financially. My husband also admitted to having an online sexual relationship with one of my "friends". This started when the baby was about 3 weeks old. I'm still in shock. I'm disgusted. In a way, I'm glad my husband waited to come clean, I don't know how well I would have handled it at the time.<P>I have the most sympathy for you (& me). I hope we can get through this. Please feel free to email me.

Thanks everyone, keep the help coming!<p>[This message has been edited by JeanK (edited May 23, 2001).]

I think I had a real breakthrough today. In spite of mine and H's deal to tell no one, I caved. I talked to my mom. She wants to hurt him, but promises to behave because we are trying to work it out. I hope I didn't make a huge mistake by telling someone, but it feels so good to be able to be myself and cry and be angry in front of someone! I did tell him immediately that she knows. I will not stoop to his level and keep secrets. He is mad and worried that he will be the [censored] of the family from now on, but said he's glad I have someone to talk to. Hope he doesn't think that takes the pressure off of him, because he's the one with the answers to my questions. Anyway, I think I was in denial, but things are going to change. I am not going to pretend to him that everything is ok. It's not. I have asked him to join me this weekend in reading some of the material on this website. I hope it helps him as it is helping me. In the meantime, our "I love you's" on the phone are sounding more and more insincere. We obviously have things to discuss on our own. Please keep posting, I need all the help and understanding I can get. -Jeank