This is my first post to this forum and it's going to be a<BR>difficult task at best. I don't know where to begin so I'll<BR>give you a bit of background. My H and I have been married<BR>for nearly 25 years and have been together for 28 years. Children came after our eighth year of marriage. It was a welcome addition. Hubby and I had a business together in which he worked outside the office while I took care of the books and whatnot. The business failed to florish after the tenth year and this is where the troubles began.....<P>The H became extremely stressed and depressed dealing with the company's liquidation. He began to travel the bar circuit and found poker machines to be a great way to relieve his ever-increasing anxiety. He also met the OW while traveling about town. I gave him the space that he needed thinking that he had to get away from the daily frustration of keeping his head above the financial flood that had hit our homelives. I gave an inch and he took hundreds of miles. By the time that I realized that he was out of control.........it was too late.<P>H and the OW became closer and closer and I'd often find the two of them at the local watering hole drinking and gambling. I'd practically begged him to come home and be with me and the children. He ignored my pleas and often stated that he'd be home shortly. The OW would tell me that there was nothing going on.....blah, blah, blah.<P>This scenario worked itself into the ground to the point that I was began preparations to leave my H and seek happiness elsewhere. My emotions were drained and I felt like a zombie. I had to escape him in order to survive. Lo and behold......this was not necessary because my H and the OW were arrested for criminal activities in which I had no part or knowledge thereof. The H and the OW were released on bail. My H promised that he'd behave himself while awaiting trial. I promised to allow him the benefit of the doubt and give him a second chance. He blew it.....BIG TIME. He got a DWI and was detained by the DOC at the time of his hearing for the initial charges and has been incarcerated for over two years now. And guess who promised to stand by him as long as he's down???? Me.....DUH!<P>I've wanted him to come clean with me about the OW and he finally broke down told me that it was over/dead/done. He also informed me that he had been communicating with her from jail for the first six months of his incarceration until she called it quits and blew him off. The leach must have blood to survive and his was no longer available. Their A was physical and emotional and I'm not a happy camper. I knew that something was going on with the two of them yet wanted to hold on to that small string of hope that he was not lying to me all the times that I asked about their relationship. <P>There is SOOOOOOO much more to this that I'll need to break things down as necessary. I don't want to bore you with details yet everything holds some significance.<P>I want everyone to know that he and I wish to put our marriage back on the right track. He is a drug addict as is the OW. My H has been clean for the entire length of his incarceration, thus far. I am reading the <BR>book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley and has looked <BR>over this site and found additional helpful information.<P>My main question is........how do you follow the steps of Dr. Harley when your SO is not physically present? Is it even possible to reconcile our differences in hopes of saving our marriage? Pray tell.....