Hi! I am writing here for the first time, but I have been reading for about 2 weeks now. I thought I was alone in my dilemma but I realize now that there are so many of us. My D-day was Easter Sunday and I have been virtually living in a black hole since then. My story goes like this: I have been married for 12 years and have 2 children (4 and 9). Everything seemed fine for the first 10 years or so. Then we moved and my husband started a new job 2 years ago. Pretty much from day 1 I could sense that there was a female coworker that was just too close to him and he didn't seem to mind at all. Things gradually built up, and I realize now from reading all the other messages on MB that there is a definite pattern to A - all about the fog etc just falls into place. I kept thinking to myself that he had been hypnotized because the actions just did not match with the man I had married - even in his relationship to the kids - it went from complete indifference to verbal abuse - to punching walls at times!! Anyway - to cut a long story short - I could go on all day - he finally admit that he has been having an A with this coworker. Last February he was moved to another state and he wanted to go alone while I stayed with the kids - he would commute on weekends etc. So finally on Easter Sunday when he was here he told me that OW would be joining him and that he wanted us to separate - he was in love with her, not me. She has apparently told her husband, and left him and their 16 year old son to be with my husband. Of course I was ready to throw in the towel and ask for a divorce right away - but someone recommended MB to me and after reading about all the other couples who have reconciled - I am having second thoughts. The bottom line is that I still love my husband. He does keep in touch with me and provide for me and the kids financially - for the time being. I guess in MB lingo I have been put into Plan B more or less. When he came to see us over Easter we got along fine etc and then he dropped the bomb! Basically I took it quite well, I said that this kind of thing happened and that now that it was out in the open what was he going to do about it. He broke down and cried etc etc and said that this was the most difficult decision of his life and he knew that he was making a big mistake but that if he didn't have the A in real way (for now it had been limited to meeting quickly in the office etc) he would always wonder if he had given up on the best thing in his life - made me feel really great!!! <BR>First of all - thanks for listening - I really need to vent. Second - any opinions/comments/advice wold be very welcome. Where do I go from here - what should I do? Do you out there - who have been in my shoes think there is any hope? I don't get the impression from my H that he wants to work things out with me. I had suggested counseling etc about a year ago - he just laughed in my face. Look forward to hearing from you!<BR>Shakti<BR>

I decided to go to counseling for myself and to work on me. I have tried to focus on my life and moving forward, it is very hard sometimes, but I keep trying. It gets better, until something happens and I try to get back in to her head and figure out what she is up too. I am much better off when I put the focus on my healing and developing a new life for myself. With or with out him you must move forward and heal. focus on yourself either way you will be better off in the long run.<P>