I recently found out about my husbands one night stand that occured while I was 8 months pregnant. (baby is 2 months old now)<P>My husband says it will never happen again, he's so sorry, blah blah blah... and he loves me very much - he never stopped loving me.<P>So my question - how could someone who loves you put you and your unborn childs health at risk? what kind of love is it if someone is willing to scar you <B>forever</B> for <B>one night</B> of lust? is this the kind of love I want?<P>How can I ever get intimate with him again knowing what happened? Anytime he kisses me I think "this must be how he kissed her". <P>This really sucks. I don't understand any of it. Neither does my husband. We just started counseling, so I hope I'll learn more of the WHY's as we go on. <P>

Welcome <B>so hurt</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Your pain is understandable...<BR>...and it will take some time to over come a lot of it.<P>For an understand of the "whys"...<BR>...I'd suggest a few books...<BR>First of the MB "bible" (for infidelity)...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A><BR>Secondly...<LI> <LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393307077" TARGET=_blank><B>Private Lies :</B> Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy</A> by Frank Pittman<BR><A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060928174" TARGET=_blank><B>After the Affair :</B> Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful</A> by Janis Abrahms, Phd ... and...<BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0802477488" TARGET=_blank><B>Torn Asunder :</B> Recovering from Extramarital Affairs</A> by Dave Carder, Duncan Jaenicke, David A. Seamands <P>These are the most commonly sggested books (many available in libraries!)... and feel free to check out a few others ===> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000556.html" TARGET=_blank>here</A>!<P>Before the "poison" of the "whys" start to set in too deeply though... do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Stay here... ask... read... respond...<BR><B>You are not alone</B>!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

I don't believe that you can love someone 100% and do this. I was told the same thing but much later I was told the truth that there was no love or thinking while the affair was going on. It does not make logical sense to me that you can really love someone 100%, be always thinking of them and have sex with another person. If someone is having sex with another person do they have the thought running through their mind "I sure love my spouse and I sure miss them right now." I don't think so. <p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited May 25, 2001).]