After coming clean about his long-term E/P A, H has requested that I not ask him a lot of questions. His contention is that my knowing about his infidelity has hurt me enough and he believes that if he is honest with me, I may get hurt in a far worse way. How much more beside knowing that he's laid-up with someone whom I detested can hurt me?<P>There are a few things that I would like to know and I wish to confront him but am afraid that he'll throw me another whammie!!! How do I live with my curiosity? How do I live with him being a thousand miles from home both physically and mentally? HELP!<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Geez-<BR>In time he will tell you more. My H would not talk either, but as time wore on, he would answer my questions. You have to have the answers to your questions - because it will eat you up if you don't. Tell your H. that. You need total honesty. Read - if you have not already - His needs, Her Needs, your H will have to be honest with you (eventually). Know what you mean about him being "away". My H did same too. He finally came back, out of the fog. It just takes time. aftershock

Honesty and his willingness to share were/are key to our recovery...I'm sorry, I fought this battle too and it took 9 months to get the truth or most of it. He brough this to your marriage, you have every righ to know what you feel you need to know. He would have nothing to disclose had he tried to work on your marriage as opposed to his affiar. He is failing to meet your needs of honesty and openness and he must realize this., To build your marrigae on secrets is building on sand. You may not like what you hear and it may be very painful, you need to be prepared to control your emotions at every turn. Good Luck. I hope it doesn't take you 9 months to hear the truth, recovering on one lie after another to have to finally heal on truth has done more damge to our recovery and marriage than the entire affair.

My H knows me well enough to know I had/have questions. He was burdened with emotions and guilt, especially concerning the baby he now has with OW. He did a lot of things to manipulate me, but at the same time, he knows me well enough that had he confessed sooner, I would not be living with him. What ever he had to do to keep his union with me, he has done/is doing. Have I asked him why? Yes. Did I ask him was her sex better? No. Have I asked him will sex with other women be something he does for the rest of this marriage? Yes. Have I asked him how long did he know her? Yes. In other words, there is plenty he's told me. If I know full well that I don't want to hear a certain possible answer from him about her, I deflate my pride and wait. The info I want or think I want will come soon enough. Besides, try to remember the brother realizes you are still highly ticked with him, and also he is still feeling what he's feeling as well. He wants to feel safe telling you the truth, since apparently,it is you he wants to stay with<P>He is not crazy!

Aftershock,Dun_z and Ymon........Thanks for your responses. I'll carefully reconsider my game plan. I want answers but not necessarily all at once. I've been extremely patient with him throughout our years together and I'll continue to hold my own. I do expect the lines of communication to be opened on both ends should I want to talk about the A. I do not wish to overburden him with questions while he's so many miles away. I'll wait until I visit with him and watch his facial expressions as I ask my questions....... <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>