My story is further down on topic list. I have good news! My H got preliminary test results back today. No vd and no HIV! He has to be tested again in Nov. but at least good news for now! We have talked a bit here and there, but it's almost as if it never happened most of the time. I know that there was no emotional attachment, but shouldn't I still be angry? The thing that really nags me now is the fact that I don't believe it never happened before. I think he has done this in the past, but he swears this was te only time. Even so, the signs that tipped me off, I have seen at least one other time in our marriage. Should I trust him? He really has no reason to lie about anything now, does he? Told my mom. She thinks I'm nuts for staying, but we do still love each other. I just wish I could trust him again.

HI Jean, I know exactly how you feel. Remember I'm the one who also found out her husband had a one night thing while I was preggo. <P>I don't know what to do. ALl the reading I've done points to men usually REPEATING one night stands. and that it's usually not a one time thing. It makes me sick. H says it's never happened before (I do believe him). But that it will never happen again - I can't believe it ever happened in the first place, it's hard to believe "on his word" that it won't happen again. Didn't we say vows about this? IT's hard not to be angry.<P>So many books totally down play one night stands and focus on the "love affairs" and how to overcome those. I wish there was something for us to read. <P>My H travels for his job. I'm now telling him I'm not comfortable with him gone more than one night a weeks. He says that will be unrealistic to do for very long. He's willing to do it until his boss tells him he needs to get out more, it'll probably last a month or so. I think he should start looking for other work. Sometimes he's keen on that idea, other times he thinks I'm being unreasonalbe. H doesn't have a degree and this is definitely the most money he's ever made and feels this has been his big break.<P>I think my "trust issues" are more important than any job...etc.

You had a good point, "there's no reason to lie", BUT I too feel the exact same way. There have been signs in our marriage that this may not have been the first time. How do they earn back the trust? Beats me.<P>Your mothers reaction is the very same thing mine would say therefore I will not tell her the real reason we're separated. As far as his traveling, you are going to have a very hard time with that.<P>I wish you luck.