--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>Did the subject line grab your attention? If you are reading this post, then it must have pulled you in. The book entitled "Women Who Love Too Much" is written by Robin Norwood. It's a book that was highly recommended to me by my H's sister when she and I put our heads together about our troublesome relationships with the men in our lives. If you haven't read this book.........you MUST! In short, this self-help book is about women who fall in love with the WRONG type of man......troubled, distant, moody,emotionally unavailable, addicted to work-drugs-alcohol OR OTHER WOMEN. The prime thesis of the book is that "women who love too much CAN recover when they find the power to love themselves." <BR>This is pretty heady stuff but a must for a betrayed wife. Although Dr. Harley is not a recommended source of reading by Robin Norwood.....her book is excellent none the less. What strikes me as odd, but true, is the fact that both the betrayed spouse and the other woman are very similiar in the fact that each is settling for less than what is deserved; therefore, creating a sisterhood of pain and disappointment in the same man. Hmmmmmmm.....makes you think twice about who wins in this seemingly "no win" situation. Please....get this book, from the bookstore or the library (readily available at each)......it's a winner!!<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Let's not forget that it is the OW who sets up this scenario. If she would not play then the WH would have to face his marital and emotional needs issues.<P>It is interesting to call it a "sisterhood" between the wife and the OW. But to me that implies that the wife is also playing the game. I the wife is not. She was happily (or unhappily) living her life when her WH brought the OW into his life. <P>I also feel that this is not a gender issue. Since at times the BS is a man and the WS is a woman, does this mean that there is a brotherhood of pain between the BS and the OM? Not hardly.<P>We, the BS (man or woman) have to learn to give the OP less validity in our lives. He/she creates their own pain. I frankly do not give a hoot about my XH's OW'en and my current H's OW'en. Very much because they not only did not give a hoot about me, but because they purposely hurt me. The OP has nothing to do with the BS. The BS's concern is their own spouse and their marriage.<P>I believe that one of the reasons that OP's start contact with the BS and often start getting nasty about it is that they are trying to elevate themselves to the level of importance of the BS and at the same time they are trying to drag the BS down to their level. It's a desperate ploy. And this is exactly why the BS should engage as little as possible with the OP.<P>I have often heard the WS say that they feel caught between two people fighting over them - their BS and the OP. I feel that this scenario is a fantasy in their own minds. It makes them feel oh so very desirable. You see, the fight should never be between the BS and the OP. The BS already is the spouse. The BS should let the WS go at any time he/she wants to (Plan B). The real fight is internal to the WS.<P>Then if the WS is lucky, the BS might still have enough love left in their love bank to see clear to take them back. <P>Boy, did this one get to me. I've heard a lot about the book over the years. Have you read Dr. Harley comments on the theory of codependency? I put this book in the same category. Read his comments before you jump all over me for my tyraid here.... lol<P><BR>Z<P>He loves not who does not show his love.<BR>----- William Shakespeare<p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited June 02, 2001).]

Oh.....I agree with you Zorweb!!!! I read books and take from them what applies to my particular situation. Most of "Women Who Love Too Much" is not about rebuilding a marriage but more about rebuilding the enabler's self-esteem. This is the first self-help book that I had read when problems began to surface in my marriage. WWLTM was recommended to my SIL by her therapist during her turbulent relationship with a man who constantly lied and cheated on her. <BR> <BR>I've only been fortunate to read the one book by Dr. Harley, "Surviving an Affair." I've gotten this copy from the public library and picked it randomly. I'm SO glad that I did. In fact, I feel that I should have my personal copy of this book and several others by Harley. A visit to Barnes and Noble Bookstore is on my priority list.<P>I was hoping to "sound" somewhat sarcastic when I mentioned the sisterhood between the BS and the OW. I, too, found that concept to be rather difficult to fathom yet I do believe that most women, in general, share common thoughts and feelings on what makes them happy. Unfortunately, some of these people prey onto other's property.<P>Quite frankly, my feelings towards my H's ex-OW border on disdain and revulsion. Sisterhood??????? Not in this life!!!! <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited June 03, 2001).]

Glad to see that you did not buy that sisterhood thing hook line and sinker. No, i did not pick up on your sarcasm... Now I see it.

By the way, when you are in Barnes and Noble, also look for the book "I Love You, Let's Work It Out" by David Viscott.

It's a great adjunt to the Dr. Harley books.

Have fun reading

<small>[ June 05, 2003, 12:44 AM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>