Thanks for all the help but I think it's starting to flow better.<P>Ronsl<p>[This message has been edited by Ronsl (edited June 04, 2001).]

It certainly looks very damaging. Who would drop off people in a hotel? Why would she bring sexy clothes with her etc.?<BR>She has done this twice before so what makes you think this time is different? You are probably in denial. You need counseling immediately. You could always hire a PI but you already probably know the truth. I think that your take is probably correct in that she likes the financial and emotional security of a family and the excitement of an affiar. The question for you is to determine whether she will ever stop this type of behavior and lying to you.<BR>I would also suggest you take a test for std's. <BR>Your wife should be doing everything possible to make you feel secure after having been caught doing this twice before. Her behavior is outrageous and cruel and insensitive to your feelings. I get the feelings from your message that she may feel that there really is no repercussions from you for her behavior. She simply may see this as a game to lie and cheat on your for her own benefit and have a family at the same time. I guess the question is how much are you willing to accept. Therapy is a must or you probably will be in a losing battle in which she continues this behavior and you keep forgiving her and trying to make it work. Good Luck.

Thanks BrianP.<P>I have a bad feeling that that is what is happening but I'm still not for certain. I think I and both of us need counseling but I don't know how to convince her to do that. I guess I have to do a big retrospect on our relationship because before know I never thought that she would do this. And, of course, she has such a way of moving me and making me feel as if she really wants our relationship to work.<P>I have alot of thinking to do and figure out all these things. I guess I probably don't want to believe it till I see it. That's pretty horrible I think.<P>Thanks for your input.<P>Ronsl

Ronsl,<P>I completely understand. I have found substantial evidence that my guy is cheating and he still won't admit it. Like you said, they like having both worlds. He also says he wants eveything to work out between us yet won't admit what's he's done. It is the worst feeling, not having their words to confirm what you already know. It's kinda of a power struggle and it's mindboggling. It makes you feel like you're crazy or only imaging that it's happening.<P>I have purchase books about affairs and they don't seem to help because the first step is admitting that it happened.<P>I discoved the A about a month ago and have become totally consumed with trying to find out the truth. I suggest, to settle your heart, to start searching. The more pieces of the puzzle you have, the stronger you will feel about what to do with the situation, because right now, she holds the cards.<P>I know you want to believe her, you want to believe that this isn't happening. I still go back and forth even though I have found a number of things. With him not admitting it, nothing makes sense. All I know is he has decieved me so well, I'm having questions about reality.<P>Get check for STD's, you don't know what kind of guy she's messing around with.<BR>At the very least, be glad she admitted the "kissing", maybe she's trying to get your attention, don't take the back seat on this one. Good luck.<BR>