My H left in Nov. telling me he needed a break. I was shocked to say the least. Found out on March 29 that he is living with OW. He comes home for a few hours on either a sat or sun to see me and the children. Every time he is here is makes a pass at me. I do not want a divorce and would love to make our marriage work. I ask him if he is being honest that he wants to come back and does not want a D. When I ask, he tells me soon. <BR>I had called him and said that I would be willing to go through with the D the way he wanted. (When I first found out) but he said no! I'll tell the children it's your fault! Isaid that would be fine. The children know I'm not the one who left. He said he is at a juncture and is traveling towards home. Why would you say something that could change it.<BR>Please help I am so depressed at times it is unbearable. How long should I wait. My life needs to go on and I need to be happy again, not only for me but my 3 small children. What example am I to my 7 and 3yr old girls. And what am I showing my 9yr old son? <BR>I would also like to know if I should tell my son why his D is not living at home?<BR>I really hope someone can answer me I am at my wits end. HAS ANYONE GONE THROUGH THIS????<p>[This message has been edited by Lostinny (edited June 04, 2001).]

Have you read the material on this website and the book "Surviving An Affair".

It sounds to me like you need to move on to Plan B. No contact with your husband. All contact should be through a third party, even his visitation with the children should be outside of your home... That's what Dr. Harley suggests.

It amazes me that your husband has the audasity to act as though you should be greatful that he might be moving towards coming back to you.

The purpose of Plan B is to give you some space so that your love for your husband is not distroyed by his cruel behavior. That way if he does come back to you, you will have some feeling left for him.

I also serves to let him try is newly selected life style with out you to be there to fill in the pieces for him. Let the affair stand totally on it's own, with out you. In your case, since you will need child support and maintenance you might want to see a lawyer to get a legal separation that sets out maintenance, child support and visitation rights.

The third thing Plan B does is to let you start living your own life so that if your husband never does come out of his fog you have already started to move on.

Please take a look at the Plan B information and letters on this website and in the "Surviving an Affair" book. Many people here post their Plan B letters so that others can critique them. I am sure this is a help.

Though my situation is different from yours, I have seen many stories here very much like yours. I have also seen Plan A and Plan B work. The outcome is not always that the marriage is restored. However, in either case the BS is not as injured.

Good Luck,

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 10:24 PM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

I have gone to a L and in the state on NJ there is no legal seperation. Fortunatly I pay all of the bills and his checks are auto deposited. Being a SAHM is so hard these days. I cry more often then not.<BR>I was thinking of going away for 3 weeks to Spain to visit family without the children. This way he would not be able to speak to me. His parents would be taking care of our children. He would then be responsible for paying the bills on time and being there if the children needed him.<BR>I truly need to get away, if I don't I will be in the hospital. I have lost so much weight that people are telling me to stop, but I can't. I find it so hard to eat and sleep. This is on my mind 24/7.<BR>I just wish someone would tell me it has just been a bad dream.<BR>I take STJW and it does help quite a bit. I WONDER IF THERE IS ANY HOPE LEFT!!!!<P><BR>

For the sake of your children, go away and have a break. Go for 6 weeks. You deserve it. Let your husband be responsible for and think about his children for awhile.