I would very much like to know for sure if my wife is cheating. She is very secretive about alot of things (like a bruise on her breast) that I have no actual proof of. Wondering if anybody could give me ideas regarding chat/e-mail monitoring. I travel for my job extensively, so I'm not home alot to see things more clearly...

Hi My hubby was having an E mail affair if your toolbar at the top of the screen has a view button click on it go down to Explorer bar and then click on history. Unless she knows to clear her history it all will be their thats where I found all the material my hubby thought he deleted.<P>Seriously though if you haven't read his needs her needs do so now start at chapter 13 and then go to the front and read the whole book. It is what is saving our marriage.<P>Good luck its been a tough row to hoe. But worth every unhappy moment.

She clears all of that out MOST of the time. I found some "cookies" and they were to valentine's day cards sent via the internet. She said it was all in fun... The were "12 Things I love about you". I have also found (through accident) a screen name on her buddy list from a man, but she says it was a long time ago, and she has since delted it, but that she can't get it from not showing up... Thats what I mean. I can't PROVE anything...

My H had several affairs with women he met on the internet. I know what you are going through. You might want to install some monitoring software on the computer your wife uses. I've used the one available on www.iopus.com. It can be run in stelth mode and password protected. Your wife would not even know it was on her computer.

If you buy interprise version (i think that's what it is called), it will email you the reports at regular intervals. I set up a hotmail account just for the reports.

I did not use this software to find out what my H was doing. He accidently left his AOL/IM window open one day and I just started chatting with his women.

Now that all is out in the open we are following the MB phylosophy of honesty. Nothing is secret. My H gave the the passwords to his email, IM and computers. And he finally agreed to install the monitoring software on all our computers. (We are both software engineers so we have 6 computers at home, one for each of us, the kids and sometimes couple of platforms for experimenting on.)

The monitoring software is one of the things he is doing to prove to me that he is committed to recover our marriage.

There are other things you can do.. but this is a good place to start.

Also, get the book "Surviving an Affair" and read all of the material on this website. The websit material will give you an idea of what we are all about here and how to proceed. The book SAA will give you a road map on how to recover your marriage.

Good Luck

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 10:24 PM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

Is she using AOL IM? It's easy to get the buddy list from the files the computer saves.<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Yes, AOL IM, but she's even figured out as far as I can tell how to delete those(unless there are files I don't know about). One of those files is how I saw one of the men's screennames. Thats the one she said she deleted but it still shows up on that file. Now I tried to do the same thing on our "family" screenname, and it deleted for me, but again, unless I see her physically go on-line, try to delete it and show me that it didn't delete all the way, I have no actual proof. She says "I can believe what I want to"...

I want to e-mail this person, but if it gets back to her that I did all hell will break loose. She's already PO'd that I even found it. She says its a violation of her privacy...