4 month's since d-day. I am BS of 9 years. WS is sex addict, spend-aholic and habitual liar. All has been very very good for last 2 months.<P>I just got a phone record that shows who she has been calling from our home. She called OP the day before her birthday. She also called him on 5/18/01. He was her #1 OP. The A lasted 3 years +/-. He is an older man whom she worked for. She is a sex abuse victum.<P>I am calling Counselor, Pastor, and Lawyers. D is very emminent. I don't understand why she broke the no contact rule.

Has she done work on her sexual addiction and other addiction problems? It seems that she broke the no contact rule because she has a very serious problem.

I can see where you don't want to go on with this marriage.

((((hug))))))

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

Zor,<P>My counselors concur that she is seriously ill. She has very little remorse. She fakes everything and "lies twice" to cover it.<P>I am amazingly calm. That is the truly saddest part. I am in contact with my Pastor and 2 counselors. Once I get my separation papers straightened out, my #1 counselor and my W will sit down. We will have to confront her with the truth. The rest is up to her. I may seek her again or I may divorce her. We will be legally separated. Call it Plan B. I will not support her destroying herself, my children or me. This is done in love. God help me. My decision is not rash. Please read my role call on the "Just found out... " board.<P>Any advice you can give me about separation/divorce is appreciated.

Invictus.<P>I am so sorry. If I have gathered anything from your posts, I know that you yourself have changed in the past few months, for the better. I can tell that you have come to know yourself better and found your calm.<BR>Yes, your w. does seem to have an illness, one that has made it very difficult to stay married to such a person. <BR>Have you spoken with her about the last 2 months, which have been good? Maybe she will be able to tell you the things which helped her and satisfied her during this time. I know the lying is perplexing, and makes it almost impossible to go forward. I also know that you love her, your kids and yourself, and are acting with your kids best interests at heart. I can't say i know much about divorce. From my posts, you will gether that I don't know much about getting married yet! .<BR>I think it is important for you to understand, as much as you can how she feels about YOU, as a man. <BR>Does she feel attraction, love and interest in you...and has an illness with which she cannot cope/ Or does she just have feelings of companionship and friendship?<BR>What is her reaction to staying married "for the kids"? As I think experienced folks will tell you, this is not a good reason to stay in a hurtful, destructive marriage. I am glad you are seekng support from various different sources.<P>Has your w. noticed that you are in a calm, different place? <P>I know that you wish with all your heart that this m. will work. Yes, it's possible that Plan B. can help you now. Some distance from her will preserve the love yoou may still feel for her, and give you an idea of what you really need your life to be. I would hold off on d. for now. You are hurt and angry that nothing you say or do seems to break her cycle.<P>Please, please let me know if you are able to speak with her about any of these things. I think you have so much to give the others, and I know you will find your way.<P>With hugs & prayers,<P>Robyn

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Robyn's Clues:<BR><B>Invictus.<P>"I know that you yourself have changed in the past few months, "<P>My counselor whole-heartedly agrees.<P><BR>Have you spoken with her about the last 2 months, which have been good?<P>"Yes, everyday, but she is just lying and sneaking. She believes she can control it all. She must admit she is broken so she can be fixed by God."<P>"I think it is important for you to understand, as much as you can how she feels about YOU, as a man. <BR>Does she feel attraction, love and interest in you...and has an illness with which she cannot cope/ Or does she just have feelings of companionship and friendship?"<P>She has love and interest in me and the kids, but she has an illness with which she cannot cope. The counselor agrees.<P>"What is her reaction to staying married "for the kids"? "<P>No<P>"Has your w. noticed that you are in a calm, different place?"<P>No, she doesn't appreciate my direction, progress or patience. <P>"preserve the love"<BR>I forgot about that part. <P>My lawyers tell me the divorce process doesn't happen all at once. I can always back out.<P>Robyn</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Sorry my comments got mixed up in the quote above.<P>Please read this posting by ThornedRose<BR> <A HREF="http://216.32.180.250:80/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=cd66c76cd77b9096b6bd1a7634395c2e&lat=991846831&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2emarriagebuilders%2ecom%2fforum%2fForum34%2fHTML%2" TARGET=_blank>http://216.32.180.250:80/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=cd66c76cd77b9096b6bd1a7634395c2e&lat=991846831&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2emarriagebuilders%2ecom%2fforum%2fForum34%2fHTML%2</A> f003173%2ehtml<P>

Sorry, try this by Zaydee7<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000855.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000855.html</A> <P>and this by ThornedRose<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/003173.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/003173.html</A>

Success...Success...Success<P>This weekend it all came to a head. I told my wife I knew she was still calling OM's. She panicked left and searched her soul. When she realized she had lost everything she woke up. Only through the grace of God did this happen. The night before I was resigned to the end. The next day she relented and accepted God as her personal savior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>She has admitted that she has a problem and she is getting help and we are praying a lot. She is a new person<P>THANK YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU...GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>more later... Read the book of Jeremiah

.<p>[This message has been edited by max (edited June 24, 2001).]

That is great Invictus! Praise the Lord!

All praise honor and Glory to God!<P>Remember faithful people, when you are persecuted, that is the signal that you are doing the right thing. Do not repay hate for hate, but love everyone.<P>Max, I have an unlimited account in my love bank. My rich Father has given me this trust fund of love. There is love for you too.<P>God Bless You with His Grace!

Invictus,<BR>Too cool!!!!! I will put you on my prayer list.<BR>Keep the faith brother, God can and still does miracles.<BR>Right now God has filled your love tank....it is time for you to work on filling your w's. Be strong and do all you can to fill her needs. That is all you can control. You cannot make her do anything. But to be treated like a king you must treat her like a queen.<BR>God Bless

Miracles continue!!!<P>My wife and I are 2 whole weeks since she stopped all contact and accepted Christ as her personal Savior. We are seeing the top Christian counselor who concentrates on sexual abuse cases. She is marvelous!!! So is my wife. You have never seen such a strong woman! I just have to remember that this will take time. It is a long long road.<P>God bless you all!

How's everything going now???

All is well!!! Rebuilding trust is the biggest obstacle right now. We are seeing a new counselor. She is great with sexual abuse issues. Her name is Jeanette Vought. Her book is "helping victims of sexual abuse." She also runs a program for recovering victims and abusers. If you or your spouse are struggling with these issues please read this book.<P>My wife is faithful, now. She has been freed from a lifetime of abuse/selfabuse/and using or abusing others. For her it is a freeing experience. For the first time in her life the Holy Spirit is working within her as her conscience. Her feelings about her moral compass has always been confused by the weight of sin. She felt as if this weight could never be lifted in her lifetime. Now she has hope and relief. A thought for the spouses of victims. We struggle to understand how someone can trash what they love? We find it hard to forgive? We are tempted to run away? I read Jeremiah 9 last night. God feels like we do when we sin against him. If you are struggling with a spouse who hasn't yet fully admitted guilt read Jeremiah 5. Keep in mind that our spouse is like God's Bride; Isreal and Judah. Do not make a complete end of her. God uses struggle to refine us into something more pure. The greater the struggle, the greater the person will be. I am just sorry that I am so stubborn and pride-full that God has had to heap so much on me, to teach me. God bless you all!<P>Invictus

Invictus<P>I have been reading up on your posts over the last couple of months. It is really great how your lives have been completely turned around by the awesome power of the Holy Spirit of God!<P>I want to praise God for all that he is doing in your lives right now, and will offer your names up when I pray. The angels are rejoicing now for your wife who came to her senses and gave her life to Christ. <P>Now you can both rebuild your marriage with the blessings of God. Please keep me in your prayers as I am also praying for my unsaved husband. Sweet man, but unsaved all the same.<P>May God bless you...!!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>CPL

Carib,<P>You wrote: "The angels are rejoicing now for your wife who came to her senses and gave her life to Christ."<P>This is true. Thank you for your spirit of charity. It is all God's work. This is not the first time God has done something like this in my life. You see, I grew up in what many people, including myself, call a "garbage house." It took The Father to bring me through that too. It was the bizarre actions of my Parents that brought me to my Wife. I love her very much, yet she can cause me great pain. God shows us that we have these little pains like he has the pain of our sins to carry. At least I can give them up to the Father. Who does our Great and Holy God lean on. Himself alone. I worship, "I am." This is the only truth I know. I know that I am. My faith is what supports everything else. I now must fight the pride.<P>Dearest Carib. Take these words as I feel I have been directed to tell you. My wife has not come to her senses. Believing in a God by faith is not sensible. It is foolishness. God loves fools like me. Think of a small child or a retarded person. They have very little wisdom and they can be tricked out of everything they own, but they follow Jesus? I love to hear a retarded person witness about God. Do not witness to your Husband from anyplace but faith. Let the Holy Spirit fill you. Paul wrote letters, and he was perhaps the greatest witness of all, perhaps. Have you tried a letter. <P>Do everything in Love and you cannot fail.<BR>Invictus