I have just joined this site because I have recently gone through something traumatic...but from the other side and want as much help as I can muster. I am one that had the internet affair...we never met in real life. I had no desire to...I love my partner with all my heart, but did cheat, feel miserable about the pain I have caused and will do anything to mend things. I have found Dr. Hartleys materials on surviving infidelity to be very very good and even sent her the address to read as well. I have squelched all contact with the other party and my soul focus is on rebuilding this relationship. Any other suggestions for what I can do? Right now my partner is in the stage where the *gloves are off* so to speak and has decided that we are to have an *open* relationship in which she is free to do whatever she deems necessary. I can only pray it doesn't come to that, but would appreciate any advice anyone has. I love this woman with all my heart, and I take full responsibility for this stupidity, so please respond without judging me. I'd appreciate anyones comments. <P>Thanks, <BR>True<P>------------------<BR>True

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

Honesty Honesty Honesty. Thats what is helping us get through each day. We read the books together and some of the letters here on internet affairs. My hubby didn't look for the relationship he was chatting found a friend and it kept growing. I am having trouble with the anger. I need to hurt him back. But I know that hurting him back will only make more issues that we need to get over. Tell her that fighting fire with fire will only burn herself more. She needs to know why?????<BR>Thats what we are working on WHY????<BR>Did you take it from internet fantasy to reality my hubby didn't I think that was our saving point.<BR>I know how much pain you are in my hubby is too.<BR>Have faith in your love for your wife and be honest.<BR>

I want to thank those of you that are responding. It means so much to have a *support group* here. I am having a difficult time right now with any type of self forgiveness, knowing the hurt and damage I have caused her and our relationship. I have admitted to having the *chat addiction* and I am now looking for some tips on helping form strategies to ensure this never ever happens again. I never ever want to feel this, go through this, or hurt her in any way again. We have begun to talk and the overriding thing, as you can imagine, is the deception and dishonesty that I have portrayed to a woman that I love so much. It has damaged her faith in me in every conceivable way. Those of you that read this and are of the *cheating* population, it is not worth it if you love your partner. Come clean and tell her/him the truth. The problem is not surviving the affair, although that hurts. The problem is going to lie in rebuilding the trust and also...finding out why you do/did what you are doing/did. If you have any suggestions on strategies, no matter how radical, I am open and willing to listen. Thanks again for your support.