3 years ago when when I was 8 months pregnent and had a 6 month at home I found a card in my husbands car from a co-worker...prior to this...my husband had changed...was calling me names...shutting me out...I had asked him to seek counseling and was contemplating leaving...based on the verbal abuse. the card...summed it up...he had meet a women at work...had physical contact with her on a guys night out...(women co-workers invited...wifes not..)that did not have intercourse...but to me it makes not difference. I also looked at prior phone bills and found her cell, work and pager number...he had been speaking with this women of almost 6 months on a daily basis...when I found the card...he begain to cry and stated that he wanted counseling...I went he didn't. I will never know the entire truth to this relationship he had...however, things did get better and we now have a 3rd child...however, my husbands temper is back as well as the name calling...I can't decide why I stay...I do love him...but somehow I always come back to the children...I am not affraid of being alone...at all...<P>My point is I have never gotten over this and when his actions are like the period when this happens I get suspisous.<P>please any ideas would help

I'm sorry no one else has responded to you. I saw this yesterday and just wasn't in a good place to face it myself then, i'm sorry and I hope you don't feel alone or not listened to. There are alot more people in recovery or general questions to seek out if this should happen again and you need a reply. You are in recovery really, so feel free to post there or anywhere for that matter.<P>Your suspicions are normal self protection. Dr Harley says that your spouse shouldn't have been trusted so much in the first place, and not trusting is and can be a healthy way to keep your marriage affair proof.<P>Don't ignore abuse, or take it, it is just not healthy for you. You deserve better treatment. If he is being abusive take a good long look in the mirror at what this is doing to you, and your kids. Will he agree to a plan of recovery where he will put in effort to help better your marriage too? Sounds like you don't have one. Read the stuff on this site again to help you find your direction. <P>In the end if he is not willing to change or work and is abusive the only person you have control over is you. You have a responsibility to protect yourself, and your children from abuse. Think of what your children are learning from this in terms of what type of spouse they will want to be with.<P>

<P>Here is a link to a good place to start with your H. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html</A>