Help, I just watched a security tape of where my wife works and what I heard my wife talking about has really hurt and upset me. I review the tapes on occasions for the company as a side job and she is talking to her boss about taking her friend (they had an affair about a year and a half ago) lunch. Upon her return she tells her boss everything that they talked about, her boss is supposidly also a friend of mine, my wife has been calling me OJ, she says that I am psycho etc. She also mentioned to this other guy that she was trying to make him a Ron goldman, I confronted my wife with all of this upon my return home last night, I even brought the tape home, she says that there is nothing going on between them, and that she took him and his boss lunch because they had called her and had asked her to bring it to them. That is how the last affair started. I then asked her that if he was not an affair then why had she told him that she was trying to make him a Ron Goldman?, she answered that Ron Goldman was not Nicole's boyfriend, but a friend. Just kie this other guy is to her. I do not believe this one bit, and it is very hard. We still sleep in the same be, have not had any sexual contact for about 2 months, she still calls me honey, baby etc. gives me hugs, but at the same token has not said that she loves me in about 2 weeks. She did say it Sunday, but I believe that it was a slip of the tongue. I do not know if I should consider divorce or what, I do not want a divorce, I love this lady very much and want it to work and keep our family of 4 together. I have made an appointment for next week with a psychologist because She has me thinking that maybe I am crazy, I do not think so, but it cant hurt to go. Is there anyone out there that would like to tell me what I should do?, are these the signs of an affair? Help

Sign of an affair... maybe. You have every right to be offended by the conversation and being talked about like that behind your back.. esp to person of opposite sex. This is destructive to your marriage at the very least and very selfish and demeaning besdes. I'm sorry you had to watch all of this, that must've hurt like heck!<P>What to do is another question. There are alot of danger signs that your marriage is definitely not affair proof at the least. I would tend to think a demand for some sort of action plan to recover your marriage is in order. Try reading this site with your wife first, or making an appointment with the Harley's and asking her to join to start off the topic on the right note.<BR>

I just called my wife at work to say hello, and boy is she upset, she says that I raised heck last night and that I am being nice today, I told her that I only asked her a couple of questions about the tape. Yes I was very hurt and still am, she does not see any reason for me to be hurt, How about the affair that she had with this other man for about 3-4 month's a year 1/2 ago, no she does not see what she is doing to me and the children, she wants to go out with her female friends to a bar tonight for ladies night (they do this every Wednesday night) and wants me to stay home with the children, she usually returns around 1;30 in the morning intoxicated, I suggested to her that I could get a sitter for the children and that we could go there together, her reply was no it is to late to get a sitter, and that I could go up there without her. Our sitter is willing to watch the kid's at a moments notice, does she (wife) not want me to be there with her?, does she not want to be seen with me?, does this other man show up there?,I do not think he does because he lives about an hour from here in Illinois, but I could be wrong. I am not letting my guard down and staying home with the kids while she goes out, I might instead go out myself. About counselling, we did this for about 5-6 month's a few month's back, and of course she would put on her good face, maybe I can talk her into attending again, but I would not bet on it. Thank you for letting me air all of this hatred and anger that I have inside.

For more info on my problems I originally posted on "Resolving Conflict" topic is Sexual Satisfactio.

I would send someone to check up on your wife. Sounds too close to an affair or affair potential. Something wrong when your wife doesn't want to along. Maybe start going out yourself to bars so she knows what it feels like. Although that could definitely lead to disaster.

Good Idea, but she knows all my friends, and trying to find a stranger is very difficult, I have came to the conclusion that I am going to go there for a couple of hours tonight, and I will probably hear about it when I get home, so if I do go I will stick to non-alcoholic beverages so that if an arguement persues then there will be no alcohol in the system.

Well I went out last night to the same Bar that she would have gone to and ran into all her friends, (they are my friends also), of course they all asked where she was at, I was there about 1 hour when I decided to leave and go home so that I could wathc the kids so that she could come there, well they kept buying me drinks and playing pool, I ended up leaving around 10:30, got home and the screen door was locked, I got in of course, she was already asleep (or acting), well I washed up and went to bed, this morning, she is up before me and starts going off on me, that I went out there to the bar so that she could not go out etc., I explained to her that she knew that I had to be there because I run the pool tournament for the owner, she then asked me if I was going out tonight, I answered no, she then said that she and the kids were going out, and that I was not invited, I asked her if she was going out because I would be home, and she said yes, and that everything would be better if I left the house, I refuse to leave. Today is the kids last day of school and they will more than likely go to chuck-e-cheese for dinner, do I show up un-announced, or just stay home? Am I in a predictament or what?

Sounding worse and worse. Yes. you do not have to tolerate such treatment, although I agree with your not leaving. It would be considered abandonment and put you in a bad legal spot.<P>What are your options? Well, you can switch to full blown Plan A. Probably best bet. Stop the competition and give her room to hang herself and do your best to fill her emotional needs to make you look like a better alternative instead of the bad guy when reality sinks through the fog she is in. Right now your are doing alot of LB's. Although I can't blame you, if you start looking at the big picture it's not the best reaction.<P>Try to come to a more logical approach to what you want to do if poosible and come p with a plan of action, I think your are near another D-Day from the sounds of it, or she is flirting with disaster at the least.<P>

Thank you for the advice, she called me about 2 hours ago and started telling me that we need to buy some sod or grass seed to plant in the yard in an area that is bare, I asked her where she and the kids were going tonight since she had told me that they were going out and that I was not invited, she told me that they were not going anywhere, and that she had just said that to be mean, she did bring up to me that maybe "we" could take the kids to chuck-e-cheese's since it is the last day of school and they both passed, I answered yes, Maybe it is not me that needs to go to see a psychiatrist but maybe her, mad one minute and not mad the next. Is my head screwed up? YES it is.

What is D-Day, and LB?????????

TFG, I know that LB is love buster..but I don't know what DDay means. Hey, it really honestly does sound to me like she has something going on up there in her head. SHe does seem to sway back and forth a lot, now doesn't she? It doesn't seem all that normal to me. She seems like a rollercoaster - She seems to do and say a lot of things out of anger, and not very stable emotionally. It also sounds, and I hate to say this, my dear dear friend...that she may be thinking about or actually seeing someone and not telling you about it. It is odd that she would not want you to go out with her ever. From her behavior, she seems to be a bit sneaky.

Dday is the day you discover your spouse is having an affair. Big bloody battle, just like WWII. <P>MJ