I have not posted in a while, but i have been lurking sometimes. My hubby and I have been married for 11 yrs and we have 2 kids.I just found a porn video hidden under one of the drawers on the entertainment center for the t.v. I know it was not there two weeks ago because I had been looking for something else and nothing was there, and now a few days ago i was looking again and I came across this video hidden there as if he is looking at it or planning to. This was a video that i caught him looking at it about 3 yrs ago before we got married, and at that time he said he got if from a fiend for his bachelor party and that he would return it, but why did he keep it and now it pops up? He says he didnt see it and forgot to return it but i dont believe him and he says believe whatever you want i dont care i know i didnt see it. I dont know if he is one of these sex addicts but with me he never wants to do anything kinky and he doesnt even like dirty talk or anything like that so i dont understand why he wants to look by himself, i even asked if we would watch it together and he said no he doesnt need to see that to get turned on, he says he gets turned on by touching me and seeing me, but yet the video mysteriously appeared? There are also clues as to a card from a strip club that I found when i was pregnant,which he says he never went to, that someone just passed the card out at lunch. another time i found the flyer for exotic dancers that he used for his bachelor party and he kept it even though he said that he threw it away until i found it and he said he just kept it as a momento but how come he dug it out of garage and i found it in a box in the house? I got mad about video and started talking dirty and he got so mad that he threw me out of the way and said if he wanted a bi*ch he would have married one. I dont know what to think. He is 43yrs and i think he is now going through midlife. I have always been a jeoulous person but now he says he cant put up with it anymore. He doesnt call me for lunch anymore, only says i love you back, and i am the one kissing him, and he doesnt seem to care for the past 2yrs ever since i got pregnant. any suggestions on what to do? I always suspect he has something at work because he works for the City driving trucks and construction work and he has free time on his hands.In the past i have called him and his phone was off and he would say he forgot to turn it on cuz too busy, and when i call him its always quiet even though he works with construction. I dont trust him anymore and i feel he is being fake and he always seems to think and wonder a lot, i catch him staring and daydreaming a lot. Are there any men out there that have gone through midlife ? or women whose hubby has and can give me some clues? cuz i am lost and frustrated and sad, and depressed and making everyone else around me miserable including my children.Please help!! I appreciate all your input.

This is a hard one. You have a lot of suspissions, a porn film and a couple of fliers. Not a lot to go on but I understand the feelings. That gut feeling can drive a person nuts.

Have you read the material on this web site and the books "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs"?

Perhaps by starting with the cracks in your marriage you can get to root of this. With little concrete evidence it is a very big LB is accuse him. I may be wrong on this but if you back off on the accussations, and do a Plan A type approach, and keep your eyes/ears open, I think that things might fall into place for you.

If you are a religious person, you could pray for the information you need to save your marriage be made known to you. It seemed to work for me.

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>