Hello, all.<BR> I'm wondering if I need to move into action... <P>My H left me 4 weeks ago with only a note explaining "the marriage is over, I don't want to be married anymore...I filed for divorce..." NO MORE EXPLANATION.<P>Of course, I now know he moved in with OW that same day. I don't feel the A was a long-standing event until that time (probably EA rather than PA until that time, since distance was a factor). He has completely severed all contact with me. He doesn't take my phone calls, moved 150 miles away to her house, and WILL NOT speak with me. How, under those conditions do I let him know that I know? He has done some "cloak and dagger" things, too, to convince me he is in another state and NOT where I know him to be.<P>Can this A go through the metamorphosis that it must, as everyone else has reported it must, if he is unaware that I know about it? Or does this just prolong his "fog" state, wherein he thinks this IS best, the marriage IS over, and he's now free to "move on with his life>" I suspect the filing of div papers was his way of salving his guilty conscience and feeling that he was free to go to her. OR it was all HER idea, to make him feel what they are doing is perfectly OK.<P>Any and all comments on what is my best move would be appreciated. Thanks.<P>Lupolady

Lupo,

I assume you have read the MB material and the boook "Surviving an Affair". If you have not, please do.

That said, part of the basis of the MB physolophy is total honesty. It is not a bad way to live one's life in all matters. So should you let your H know of is affair. Sure why not. It will get things in the open. He will try to deny it about just don't put up with that.

My suggestion would be that you don't make too big a deal of it. Just say something simple like

"I am aware of where you live and who you life with. You do not need to keep this a secret from me."

probably best said in writing in your case.

MHO

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>